4-year-old still cries at every drop off

[Anonymous]

The title pretty much says it: Our 4-year-old son still cries and clings to me at every drop off. He's had the same teacher for PK3, aftercare, and camp for over a year, and I know he adores her. He is fine a few minutes after we leave, and always says he has fun when we ask after pick up. I've talked to him about how I or his dad will always come back to pick him up, and that he is always safe at school/camp/etc.

I am dreading drop off on Thursday when he goes to his new PK4 classroom, and I guess just wondering if anyone has any other tips for helping him with these drop off/goodbyes/transitions. Or if this is more common than I realize, I'd love to hear that, too -- you always hear about younger kids crying but not so much about these slightly older ones.

TIA for any suggestions or commiseration!

[Anonymous]

Did he cry all year long for prek3? Or did he stop at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he cry all year long for prek3? Or did he stop at some point?

He didn't cry every day of PK3 drop off, but he clung to me and had to be pried off every day

[Anonymous]

If he has a comfort item, let him have it. DD brings her comfort item ( a small blanket) to preschool since day 1. She has to hold something in her hand, and it could be a clip, stuff animal, any cute thing or just her blanket that she wants to share with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid. What a life!

[Anonymous]

Can you have DH watch from a distance and see how long he is upset after you leave? He might shake it off as soon as you are out of sight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he cry all year long for prek3? Or did he stop at some point?

He didn't cry every day of PK3 drop off, but he clung to me and had to be pried off every day

This is not uncommon. My kid was crying daily and then stopped crying but still clung for a loooong time. I couldn’t believe that other kids skipped off happily after the first few weeks; I thought we’d NEVER get there. But then…we did. It was super slow but gradually my kid did become the “run in and not even say bye” kid. But of course, a new school year started, and so my kid (and many others!) were thrown off. So we had to work on it again.

I know it’s hard. I think it’s just a time thing. And I have noticed that the clinging kids usually do it with their moms; it’s rarer to see them do it to dad. Mom is a safe space. I’d just let go firmly and calmly, tell what time you’ll get them (my kid was really into this, even though she can’t tell time!), and then do it again the next day. And the next!

[Anonymous]

This has been discussed many times. Do a search.

[Anonymous]

Almost all children at K or below have a strong instinctive fear of abandonment. It is a helpful protective instinct. In OP’s case, probably best just to make drop off as quick as practical and try to be consistent about pickup times.

Kids also are very aware if they are one of the last 3-4 kids to be picked up, so if practical try to pick them up before that point. (We did our best, but sometimes it was unavoidable due to work, traffic, or whatever.)