Dementia situation

[Anonymous]

What to do? Mom is barely functioning (eating too little, eating moldy food, taking meds wrong) but refused outside help. Where she lives, there are services that would come to her house every day to take care of her. I live far away and can’t bring her close to my home. Even if she could come, I wouldn’t be able to afford care for her here, and I am physically unable to provide what will be needed eventually. I know she wants only me to do everything but I am spread too thin with a failing marriage, 2 kids, and my own serious health issues. What’s the way out? I can’t leave her alone in her home, this won’t end well. She’s obstinate and refuses everything and legally I can’t force this upon her until much later. She made no provision when she was able.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to accept it, at least.until a crisis forces her to accept change. I'm sorry, it's very hard.

[Anonymous]

So she's refusing those senior services?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing you can do. You cannot force her.

[Anonymous]

You can file for guardianship of her. She will be appointed counsel to represent her wishes and you will have to go to court and convince a judge that she's incompetent. You might be named the guardian or the court could appoint someone...which might or might not lead to better care. You can call adult protective services on her, which again could help but might not. Or you can wait until she gets sicker and then try to get more help. If she is competent and refuses services, there really isn't anything to be done unless she is putting others at risk (is she still driving? You may be able to get her license taken away, or even get rid of the car).