Easiest way to wean

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant with my second and trying to plan ahead. My first baby was phenomenally difficulty in many ways. I wasn’t able to wean her fully until 27 months, and I didn’t night wean until 20 (!) months. I wanted to stop much, MUCH sooner, but she was a terrible sleeper both naps and nighttime so I grudgingly kept going. She was so difficult to wean. I feel traumatized by breastfeeding her and feeling no control over my body, and I’m desperate to avoid that experience again.

If you had an easy time weaning (meaning your kid wasn’t dependent on nursing to soothe or sleep and they didn’t cry endlessly for weeks when you weaned), at what age did you wean? How did you do it? Did you combo feed from the start or did you go cold turkey breast to bottle?

Or should I just not breastfeed at all this time?

[Anonymous]

I combo fed from the start- because I needed to initially to increase supply ( triple fed in hospital) and lactation consultant told me to always give at least 1 bottle a day after to prevent bottle refusal....at 6 months mine self weaned except early am or when sick or very sleepy ( middle of night comfort feeds). I was the one crying about it as I wasn't ready. I switched to exclusively pumping besides am feed or middle of the night. We loaded up on milk during day and she finally learned to sleep through the night at 7.5 months ( until then had colic/ reflux and works nurse and cry all night).

Zero issues when we switched to cows milk around 13 months ( again I was the sad one)

[Anonymous]

Here's what I did with my last kid. From about 2 months old, I didn't nurse until she fell asleep. I nursed first, then read a book. But with my first, I read a book and then nursed, and I weaning was harder b/c there was an association of nursing and sleep.

So I think making the association of book and sleep helped, but every kid is different. My last kid was also a thumb sucker, so I think she would have been easier to wean anyway. She weaned on her own around 14 months old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I did with my last kid. From about 2 months old, I didn't nurse until she fell asleep. I nursed first, then read a book. But with my first, I read a book and then nursed, and I weaning was harder b/c there was an association of nursing and sleep.

So I think making the association of book and sleep helped, but every kid is different. My last kid was also a thumb sucker, so I think she would have been easier to wean anyway. She weaned on her own around 14 months old.

Helpful, thank you.

[Anonymous]

My first nursed until 2 years, 5 months and my second for 2 years, 7 months and both didn’t stop night nursing for years (probably nearly 2 for both) so I get it. Really, I do. Honestly? I wish I had formula fed my second child from day one and never nursed him. We did combo feeding for him but I still went through all the tongue tie, nipple shield, mastitis, latch hell, baby still didn’t sleep well, husband still thought nursing was “easier” than him getting up to fix a bottle, baby still preferred breast milk - always, I still couldn’t get him down without nursing, etc. I am honestly still not recovered from 4 years of sleep deprivation, and it damaged my marriage and made me resentful of my husband to have been so physically attached and tethered to the kids.

A friend of mine refused to nurse her kids because she felt it furthered inequality and she wanted to force her husband to be just as responsible for feeding the kids as she was and just as capable in the exact same way so she wasn’t always responsible. She also didn’t want the physical responsibility - after pregnancy and birth, she said, it’s his turn to step up to the plate - I’m not sacrificing my body any more. At the time? I thought she was being selfish. In hindsight? I regret not making a similar choice.

Here’s the truth - for a lot of women, breastfeeding does limit your freedom. It can make you more housebound if your kids don’t nurse discretely and well in public (mine didn’t). It can further, in my opinion, inequality between partners because feeding solely becomes one person’s responsibility. It limits your ability to do anything - because you are tethered to a baby or pump every X hours, so yes, your freedom and agency become stifled. For me, it killed my sex drive for many years, on top of my sleep, and I dealt with so many issues, oversupply, undersupply, mastitis multiple times, dysmorphic ejection reflex, etc. that any health or bonding benefits were outweighed by my resentment, and by the time I realized the nursing wasn’t going to easily and nearly conclude at 12 months like I planned, the babies had such a strong preference for it and refused formula, and since both my kids took slowly to solids (and one had eating issues and the other bad allergies and both had some weight issues) was forced to continue being their food source long past the time I wanted. I also had to stop traveling for work, which was my choice, but then never got back to it because everyone sort of “mommy tracked” me. Also, I pumped 2-3x a day at work for over a year for both, which killed my productivity and was just a tremendous time suck and PITA, and source of daily scheduling stress at work. And also nursing gave me looser joints and ligaments and made me exhausted so I did not get back any semblance of energy for fitness or ability to really build muscle and lose weight until I weaned the kids each time, so that was a lot of years I was fat and soft and stuck in saggy nursing bras and ugly clothing.

Now that they are older, while I do recall the snuggles and some of our nursing sessions with fondness, the main feeling I’m left with is still regret for breastfeeding. I can never forget the husband who just wanted to roll over - for literal years - while I was the one who had to get up at night. And I will never forget being so ill with mastitis - multiple times - that I wanted to die. Reducing me to my biological function to be a food source for my kids when we have wonderful alternatives, and there’s not such great evidence for breast milk over formula past the first few weeks, was
In hindsight the wrong decision for me. It felt so important at the time and I felt so much pressure to do it, but on reflection now years later I feel like a sucker and often wish I had never done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first nursed until 2 years, 5 months and my second for 2 years, 7 months and both didn’t stop night nursing for years (probably nearly 2 for both) so I get it. Really, I do. Honestly? I wish I had formula fed my second child from day one and never nursed him. We did combo feeding for him but I still went through all the tongue tie, nipple shield, mastitis, latch hell, baby still didn’t sleep well, husband still thought nursing was “easier” than him getting up to fix a bottle, baby still preferred breast milk - always, I still couldn’t get him down without nursing, etc. I am honestly still not recovered from 4 years of sleep deprivation, and it damaged my marriage and made me resentful of my husband to have been so physically attached and tethered to the kids.

A friend of mine refused to nurse her kids because she felt it furthered inequality and she wanted to force her husband to be just as responsible for feeding the kids as she was and just as capable in the exact same way so she wasn’t always responsible. She also didn’t want the physical responsibility - after pregnancy and birth, she said, it’s his turn to step up to the plate - I’m not sacrificing my body any more. At the time? I thought she was being selfish. In hindsight? I regret not making a similar choice.

Here’s the truth - for a lot of women, breastfeeding does limit your freedom. It can make you more housebound if your kids don’t nurse discretely and well in public (mine didn’t). It can further, in my opinion, inequality between partners because feeding solely becomes one person’s responsibility. It limits your ability to do anything - because you are tethered to a baby or pump every X hours, so yes, your freedom and agency become stifled. For me, it killed my sex drive for many years, on top of my sleep, and I dealt with so many issues, oversupply, undersupply, mastitis multiple times, dysmorphic ejection reflex, etc. that any health or bonding benefits were outweighed by my resentment, and by the time I realized the nursing wasn’t going to easily and nearly conclude at 12 months like I planned, the babies had such a strong preference for it and refused formula, and since both my kids took slowly to solids (and one had eating issues and the other bad allergies and both had some weight issues) was forced to continue being their food source long past the time I wanted. I also had to stop traveling for work, which was my choice, but then never got back to it because everyone sort of “mommy tracked” me. Also, I pumped 2-3x a day at work for over a year for both, which killed my productivity and was just a tremendous time suck and PITA, and source of daily scheduling stress at work. And also nursing gave me looser joints and ligaments and made me exhausted so I did not get back any semblance of energy for fitness or ability to really build muscle and lose weight until I weaned the kids each time, so that was a lot of years I was fat and soft and stuck in saggy nursing bras and ugly clothing.

Now that they are older, while I do recall the snuggles and some of our nursing sessions with fondness, the main feeling I’m left with is still regret for breastfeeding. I can never forget the husband who just wanted to roll over - for literal years - while I was the one who had to get up at night. And I will never forget being so ill with mastitis - multiple times - that I wanted to die. Reducing me to my biological function to be a food source for my kids when we have wonderful alternatives, and there’s not such great evidence for breast milk over formula past the first few weeks, was
In hindsight the wrong decision for me. It felt so important at the time and I felt so much pressure to do it, but on reflection now years later I feel like a sucker and often wish I had never done it.

I’m the OP. YOU GET IT. Wow, you get it. All of it. This is exactly what happened with my first. I feel it ruined my life. It took us years to even consider a second because our first still does not sleep through the night and has severe, severe sleep issues that all medical tests and sleep studies have determined are purely behavioral and not medical. I think it was the breastfeeding. She never learned to self soothe or sleep any other way even after weaning. The sleep deprivation and bring always tired and short due to it and the guilt from being that way with my toddler are horrible. If I could go back in time with this particular kid, knowing her temperament, I would never have breastfed at all.

So I’m trying to figure out if there’s a better way to breastfeed like weaning super early or something that doesn’t result in the insanity or whether I should just not do it at all. After reading your post I’m strongly leaning towards not doing it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with my second and trying to plan ahead. My first baby was phenomenally difficulty in many ways. I wasn’t able to wean her fully until 27 months, and I didn’t night wean until 20 (!) months. I wanted to stop much, MUCH sooner, but she was a terrible sleeper both naps and nighttime so I grudgingly kept going. She was so difficult to wean. I feel traumatized by breastfeeding her and feeling no control over my body, and I’m desperate to avoid that experience again.

If you had an easy time weaning (meaning your kid wasn’t dependent on nursing to soothe or sleep and they didn’t cry endlessly for weeks when you weaned), at what age did you wean? How did you do it? Did you combo feed from the start or did you go cold turkey breast to bottle?

Or should I just not breastfeed at all this time?

Why not wait until you have the second child and see? You are literally planning ahead for problems when your second kid is entirely different person!

[Anonymous]

Second kid cold turkey. He used pacifiers and the bottle though.

[Anonymous]

I do think 20 months is way too late and it’s why you had trouble. Cold turkey at 12 months. He bit me and I was like we are done. You can have milk.

[Anonymous]

i'm mostly hearing not a weaning issue but a sleep training issue-- mine never nursed to sleep beyond the first couple months.. did the Eat, awake, sleep, you thing...

and then around 7 months did sleep training which (i wrote earlier) meant bumping with bottles during day so when she cried at night i could feel less guilt that it wasn't her wanting boob for hunger but wanting boob for comfort. i literally had to hide in our unfinished basement and have my husband do it because it was too painful.

he literally nick named her "boobie" which we still call her at 2 because she only wanted my boobs for comfort for so long.

i'm pregnant with number 2 and have similar question as the pp who has some regret about breastfeeding. mine never nursed outside of home and then i exclusively pumped 7+ times a day so could basically never leave the house or do anything for the first year. i'm thrilled she got breast milk but can't decide if i'll sacrifice that again (and frankly mostly not sure how it'll be possible with a toddler who also will need me)

[Anonymous]

I think you should at least give a solid try to the eat-awake-sleep method. We used Taking Cara Babies. It’s maybe harder in the beginning but much easier later on and you only nurse to sleep at night so it’s not as much of a thing.

[Anonymous]

It’s your body. If you start BF and it is too upsetting or making you resentful, then stop.

Baby 1 weaned at 20mo when I was pregnant with #2. My milk dried up and he was getting frustrated instead of soothed.

Baby 2 was a crappy sleeper. I nursed him to bed and for every nap until he was 18mo. I was at my wits end and also my 40th BD was on a few months and I wanted to start the next decade without pregnancy or nursing. I dropped the nap feed and then the bedtime feed a few weeks later. He was still a crap sleeper until he was 2.5.

Both kids were solidly toddlers, so I just quit and didn’t supplement or combo feed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think 20 months is way too late and it’s why you had trouble. Cold turkey at 12 months. He bit me and I was like we are done. You can have milk.

I don’t think you read the post. I wanted to night wean much, much earlier but could not because sleep training failed, we were in the middle of medical investigations to figure out why she was waking 20+ times a night. I’m not here to defend this and get into our whole terrible sleep history. I’ve made many other posts about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should at least give a solid try to the eat-awake-sleep method. We used Taking Cara Babies. It’s maybe harder in the beginning but much easier later on and you only nurse to sleep at night so it’s not as much of a thing.

Thank you good suggestion. I’ve always wondered what do you do if they just fall asleep when nursing regardless of wake window? How many weeks do you try this to see if it will work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant with my second and trying to plan ahead. My first baby was phenomenally difficulty in many ways. I wasn’t able to wean her fully until 27 months, and I didn’t night wean until 20 (!) months. I wanted to stop much, MUCH sooner, but she was a terrible sleeper both naps and nighttime so I grudgingly kept going. She was so difficult to wean. I feel traumatized by breastfeeding her and feeling no control over my body, and I’m desperate to avoid that experience again.

If you had an easy time weaning (meaning your kid wasn’t dependent on nursing to soothe or sleep and they didn’t cry endlessly for weeks when you weaned), at what age did you wean? How did you do it? Did you combo feed from the start or did you go cold turkey breast to bottle?

Or should I just not breastfeed at all this time?

Why not wait until you have the second child and see? You are literally planning ahead for problems when your second kid is entirely different person!

Because if you wait to see how hard it is to transition the second one off breastfeeding, it might be too late. I took the wait and see approach with my first and by the time I wanted to stop, it was too late and it was impossible for her to learn to sleep or soothe any other way. You don’t know how a baby will respond. So I need a plan to avoid that this time.