Having Two Moms Issues

[Anonymous]

My wife and I live in the suburbs and we have a wonderful son who is 8 years old. He says he isn't teased about having two moms so much as teased because he takes ballet.

Yesterday, when my mother-in-law stopped by she warned us about the picture we posted on Facebook of DS in ballet class. In the picture, he isn't wearing tights but his typical ballet uniform of white t-shirt, black shorts and black ballet slippers. Still, my mother-in-law thinks the kids at his school would giggle and think he looks "too girly."

Our son is proud to be a dancer and we are thrilled that he seems to have found a real passion but sometimes it feels that people are judging us for putting him in ballet. He has never been interested in the traditional boy sports.

Does anyone have any advice or a similar story to share?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your MIL doesn’t want people to see it. How would other 8 year olds at school see your Facebook posts?
We are a 2 mom family with a tween. Her friends don’t see anything I post on Facebook. If hes proud of doing dance then share away.
If he hasn’t watched the movie Billy Elliott yet, let him watch it. It has swear words in it a lot as a heads up but is a really good story.
I also watched a movie called Lift on a plane last weekend. It’s about a former homeless young man who does ballet while he’s in a shelter as a child and come back as an adult to start a dance program for homeless kids. It’s a documentary but also good.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused -- your post title is "having two mom issues," but you say your son isn't having any problems related to having two moms. You might get more helpful responses if you repost in the elementary school age forum with the title "boys in ballet" because that's your real issue.

You also say that you are concerned that people judge you for putting him in ballet. That's a different problem from people teasing your son -- and, frankly, one you just need to get over for your son's sake. Who cares if people judge you?

Your son is proud to be a dancer. In the end, that's all that matters. Does the teasing bother him? Teach him to say "whatever" when people make comments and continue being himself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get how this is a two moms issue. As far as Facebook, if your son is ok with the posts, I think it’s fine. If he’s not, then you shouldn’t post. As far as ballet, lots of boys are involved in dance and things like acrobatic gymnastics which also require boys to wear leotards. Some kids get teased about it and some kids are thought to be impressive because of the amazing things they can do.

[Anonymous]

Another 2 mom family here.

Your issue is your MIL...

We have a son who never liked sports. He is a theater kid through and through and ended up being gay (he is in college now.) I am sure MIL has thoughts about his performing/dancing and pictures of him and his boyfriend on our FB pages...but we asked him first (he was fine with everything we posted) and would have told MIL as such

[Anonymous]

Mom in a two mom family here. My son used to like wearing dresses and nightgowns like his big sister, I guess. This was when he was three, four, five. eventually he stopped the dresses and wore the nightgowns until he grew out of them around age 8. I honestly wasn’t paying much attention to the dresses because it was Covid. My daughter eventually told me that it was my mom, who is supposedly all gay OK, who told him that she thought people might make fun of him for looking girly or something, and he stopped with the dresses. He doesn’t notice what other people judge, much less care, but it must’ve mattered somehow.

I’m angry at her for foisting her feelings onto him and for not living up to her professed values. But it was so long since it happened and I found out about it, and I had other fish to fry so I didn’t bring it up. I would have your spouse talk to their mom if it’s bothering you.

[Anonymous]

No 8 yr old is perusing Facebook in their spare time, OP. Ignore the boomer on this one.

[Anonymous]

I have a different reaction. Ballet is physically tough and demanding - requires mental toughness as well. There are not enough kids exposed to physically and mentally demanding endeavors. Let him explore his limits - without regard to what others think. Of course at a young age he should still have fun. I don’t see where having two moms is an issue.

In the 80’s a world class hurdler at Univ of Tenn made the transition to football because he seriously took up ballet and was good at it. In my amateur coaching mode I thought ballet would really help with hurdles and it likely did but the bane of many receivers is that they can’t get separation on routes and ballet clearly helped him to a fine NFL career. The ballet helped him run routes and get space from defenders with superior body control - every fast track guy thinks they can just run post routes and make it - not so. The guy was thinking outside the box and was on the brutally tough 85 Bears squad

[Anonymous]

And keep in mind, at age 8, kids get teased.

That's not to say, its okay, but it is reality. My son got teased because he liked to color.

My daughter got teased because she wore a baseball jersey to school.

Sometimes, its important not to overreact and just use this as a lesson. To teach that other people's opinions shouldn't change what you like, or what you do, etc.

And you can model that lesson by ignoring MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I live in the suburbs and we have a wonderful son who is 8 years old. He says he isn't teased about having two moms so much as teased because he takes ballet.

Yesterday, when my mother-in-law stopped by she warned us about the picture we posted on Facebook of DS in ballet class. In the picture, he isn't wearing tights but his typical ballet uniform of white t-shirt, black shorts and black ballet slippers. Still, my mother-in-law thinks the kids at his school would giggle and think he looks "too girly."

Our son is proud to be a dancer and we are thrilled that he seems to have found a real passion but sometimes it feels that people are judging us for putting him in ballet. He has never been interested in the traditional boy sports.

Does anyone have any advice or a similar story to share?

Do you remember the story of Prince George and how a woman made fun of him because Prince William said he likes ballet? Many male dancers protested and she had to apologize? Tell your MIL to myob and that dancing does not 'make one gay' There was a Brady Bunch story where Peter played football and ballet and kids made fun of him. They got a football star to come on and tell everyone he also took ballet. Ballet is amazing and a great way to keep in shape! And btw, as you know there is nothing wrong with being gay! I hope we can stop with the negative comments about being a girl is the worst thing. After all, if we get a woman president would it be considered a 'woman's job?"

https://www.google.com/search?q=prince+george+and+the+woman+who+made+fun+of+his+ballet+class&rlz=1C1NDCM_enUS820US820&oq=Prince+George+and+the+woman+who+made+fun+of+his+ballet&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgCECEYoAEyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRigATIHCAIQIRigATIHCAMQIRigATIHCAQQIRigATIHCAUQIRigAdIBCjE3NTE1ajBqMTWoAgmwAgE&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:362841e2,vid:yDx4gIWUIbo,st:0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I live in the suburbs and we have a wonderful son who is 8 years old. He says he isn't teased about having two moms so much as teased because he takes ballet.

Yesterday, when my mother-in-law stopped by she warned us about the picture we posted on Facebook of DS in ballet class. In the picture, he isn't wearing tights but his typical ballet uniform of white t-shirt, black shorts and black ballet slippers. Still, my mother-in-law thinks the kids at his school would giggle and think he looks "too girly."

Our son is proud to be a dancer and we are thrilled that he seems to have found a real passion but sometimes it feels that people are judging us for putting him in ballet. He has never been interested in the traditional boy sports.

Does anyone have any advice or a similar story to share?

what's the problem exactly. your MIL is perceptive and hit it on the nose. your son sounds independent and mature and as you stated "proud". Sounds great.

You personally dont like feeling judged. who cares. you are setting a bad example. what if they were judging you for being gay, you wouldnt care. if you care so much, stop posting pictures of your minor son on fb w/o his informed consent. weird

[Anonymous]

also why is the title re 2 moms?

[Anonymous]

Search the archives for last year's thread about an elementary school boy dancer.