If your kid is more successful than you

[Anonymous]

Would you help out with things like weddings, house down payment, etc assuming you could afford it but at the same time, they don’t exactly need it? Our son is making something like 500k in his early 30’s, that’s more than our income has ever been. I’m not sure we really need to help with the upcoming wedding costs for instance.

We invested well and had some inheritance so despite never making quite as much, we have very comfortable savings (around $9M liquid), which means we have the spare cash to help but it’s not like he can’t handle it himself.

Our wedding was partially covered by parents but at the time we were quite poor.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would still help out.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a situation where you should gift something meaningful instead of outright pay for the whole thing. For instance my parents paid for several relatives, who couldn't afford it on their own, to come to my wedding and that meant a lot to me. My husband's father sprung for an excellent band for the reception. Etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should feel obligated…although surprised you have so much NW and yet you have never made $500k per year.

I think the question is do you plan to leave all the $$$s to your kid? If so, not sure there is much difference in paying for the wedding vs just leaving more to the estate later on.

I was far wealthier than my parents…like my NW was 20x their NW, so I took the lead in telling them to just enjoy the wedding and not contribute.

My own kid is early 20s, but on paper worth a ton due to lucking out in the startup game…we will see what happens if that paper money becomes real money.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should help with the wedding. Do you want to start out your relationship with your DIL and in-laws as a cheapskate? I would offer to pay for some discrete piece of it, like the open bar, and give them a nice cash gift towards the honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a situation where you should gift something meaningful instead of outright pay for the whole thing. For instance my parents paid for several relatives, who couldn't afford it on their own, to come to my wedding and that meant a lot to me. My husband's father sprung for an excellent band for the reception. Etc.

Oh that’s a very nice gift to fly relatives out.

[Anonymous]

I would pay for the rehearsal dinner which would be typical for the grooms parents anyway. Or can you do something charming or sweet for the event? I recently saw wedding tables numbered 1,2,3 etc and table 1 had a label with baby pics of the bride and groom “When we were 1”… table 2 had pics of them “when we were 2”…. It was adorable! (And you don’t have to do it yourself, you could outsource the task).

[Anonymous]

No. You don't give money to people who have more than you. That's stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you help out with things like weddings, house down payment, etc assuming you could afford it but at the same time, they don’t exactly need it? Our son is making something like 500k in his early 30’s, that’s more than our income has ever been. I’m not sure we really need to help with the upcoming wedding costs for instance.

We invested well and had some inheritance so despite never making quite as much, we have very comfortable savings (around $9M liquid), which means we have the spare cash to help but it’s not like he can’t handle it himself.

Our wedding was partially covered by parents but at the time we were quite poor.

Is this a joke?

Of course you help him and pay it forward and be generous!

Why? Because you are successful and loaded too. And things are only getting more and more costly and competitive out there. And you are comparing your supposed $9m+ of wealth to Hus one year income of a job or company or industry no one knows how volatile or stable it is?

This has to be another ignorant troll post.

[Anonymous]

Everyone’s wish is for their children to do better than them. Most parents tell their kids that all the time, including when they’re prouder than heck with them (college, job, promotions, marriage).

And then there’s you.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are way more successful than either of our parents. My mother has inherited wealth (not absurd amounts) and her parents helped her and my father buy a house.

Despite the fact that each one of us makes far more in a year than either of our parents did combined in a year (adjusted for inflation), it's so much harder to do the things that set our parent's generation up. There has been stony silence about help wiht downpayments, and neither side helps with childcare.

It hasn't been awful for us, and I think when our kids are grown up, I'll be prepared to help, but they need to do most of it themselves. If they can get to 80 percent of a down payment, for example, I'd put them over the line. But I'm not going to give them 80 percent of the down payment and see if they can get the other 20 percent like a lot of people we know have done with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you should feel obligated…although surprised you have so much NW and yet you have never made $500k per year.

I think the question is do you plan to leave all the $$$s to your kid? If so, not sure there is much difference in paying for the wedding vs just leaving more to the estate later on.

I was far wealthier than my parents…like my NW was 20x their NW, so I took the lead in telling them to just enjoy the wedding and not contribute.

My own kid is early 20s, but on paper worth a ton due to lucking out in the startup game…we will see what happens if that paper money becomes real money.

Early 20s and lucked out in the startup game?

Lol. You mean the one with peak valuation rounds in 2021 that re-rated down from that by half and has no one IpO market. And even when it goes public there are 5+ years of illiquidity for insiders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you help out with things like weddings, house down payment, etc assuming you could afford it but at the same time, they don’t exactly need it? Our son is making something like 500k in his early 30’s, that’s more than our income has ever been. I’m not sure we really need to help with the upcoming wedding costs for instance.

We invested well and had some inheritance so despite never making quite as much, we have very comfortable savings (around $9M liquid), which means we have the spare cash to help but it’s not like he can’t handle it himself.

Our wedding was partially covered by parents but at the time we were quite poor.

No way Jose. Stick it to him!

He has no major expenses or savings goals coming up, and you’re retired sitting on $9m liquid plus all your illiquid assets like homes, cars, boats, private stocks.

It will also make a good impression on your son’s finance and in law family.

Well done! No other kids mentioned too so keep it up!

[Anonymous]

If you have 9 million liquid then you must know about estate laws and limits?

Give away wealth before you pass.

I'm guessing, like others, that maybe you've been less than generous which is why you have so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't give money to people who have more than you. That's stupid.

More what? Wealth?

Or are you comparing a 35 working persons salary to a retired women’s?