When movies and TV make having kids seem like it can happen whenever you want it to

[Anonymous]

I have no humor on this one. I wanted to scream at the TV today when 2 post-residency doctors (so presumably mid 30s) said, oh well, we'll figure it out later if we want kids and can have them whenever we decide to.

I knew I needed to hustle on having kids and still ended up in infertility hell. I just get so worked up about it when I hear this on TV or in person (but don't express my opinions on either situation).

[Anonymous]

I actually think that scene sounds really realistic. Every single one of my friends with graduate degrees and high level jobs has stated they won’t even think about kids until 35+. Most of them even pretend they don’t know whether they want to get married until they are literally engaged. I’ve noticed it’s a sort of conceit.

I think maybe it has to do with women wising up to the fact that most men don’t really want to get married or have kids anymore so women pretend to be nonchalant about these things in order to date high level guys, then they talk them into it once they are serious.

But OP, the thing to know is, people talking like this doesn’t mean they will be successful having kids easily so late. And it also doesn’t mean they are actually ignorant of biology. It’s just a mating strategy. I truly believe this from seeing it play out among many friends and acquaintances. It’s a calculated risk.

[Anonymous]

Fertility is easy for some and difficult for others. I met my husband late and had my first kid at 39 and my second kid at 40. I did have an early menopause so I'm glad I had them when I did. But, my body was ready once I tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no humor on this one. I wanted to scream at the TV today when 2 post-residency doctors (so presumably mid 30s) said, oh well, we'll figure it out later if we want kids and can have them whenever we decide to.

[/b]I knew I needed to hustle on having kids and still ended up in infertility hell. [b]I just get so worked up about it when I hear this on TV or in person (but don't express my opinions on either situation).

For every health problem, there are people at both ends of the spectrum. For example, some people have low blood sugar and people have high. Most are in the middle. Fertility is the same.

The problem comes from women whose moms had kids in their 20s and are using that experience as a baseline for fertility in their late 30s.

[Anonymous]

TV and movies aren't reality. Not even reality TV. Even in real life, few people think about infertility until it happens to them.

[Anonymous]

If you’re just realizing that TV shoes aren’t realistic, I don’t know what to tell you.

-3 year infertility survivor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re just realizing that TV shoes aren’t realistic, I don’t know what to tell you.

-3 year infertility survivor

DP but if you have not even realized that TV shows have an immense amount of effect on culture and cultural perceptions I don’t know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

While yes, your fertility declines as you age, I know a lot of people who easily got pregnant in their early 40's and a few who struggled in their late 20's - early to mid 30's to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. Especially when you are right in the middle of infertility, things like this REALLY grate. We had unexplained IF and eventually adopted two girls. Even now, I tell them that that fertility is not something to be taken for granted. They can make their own choices, of course, but I do not want them to always view fertility as such a “given” that the greater need is to “control” it and I think that is the overall message that our American cultural society perpetuates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that scene sounds really realistic. Every single one of my friends with graduate degrees and high level jobs has stated they won’t even think about kids until 35+. Most of them even pretend they don’t know whether they want to get married until they are literally engaged. I’ve noticed it’s a sort of conceit.

I think maybe it has to do with women wising up to the fact that most men don’t really want to get married or have kids anymore so women pretend to be nonchalant about these things in order to date high level guys, then they talk them into it once they are serious.

But OP, the thing to know is, people talking like this doesn’t mean they will be successful having kids easily so late. And it also doesn’t mean they are actually ignorant of biology. It’s just a mating strategy. I truly believe this from seeing it play out among many friends and acquaintances. It’s a calculated risk.

That's really sad and kind of shocking. I graduated from a T15 law school about 15 years ago and the students were much more marriage focused and most got married and started families within 10 years of our law school graduation. Have things really changed that much in the dating scene in the past decade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no humor on this one. I wanted to scream at the TV today when 2 post-residency doctors (so presumably mid 30s) said, oh well, we'll figure it out later if we want kids and can have them whenever we decide to.

[/b]I knew I needed to hustle on having kids and still ended up in infertility hell. [b]I just get so worked up about it when I hear this on TV or in person (but don't express my opinions on either situation).

For every health problem, there are people at both ends of the spectrum. For example, some people have low blood sugar and people have high. Most are in the middle. Fertility is the same.

The problem comes from women whose moms had kids in their 20s and are using that experience as a baseline for fertility in their late 30s.

Yep nailed it with the comparisons being a decade apart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that scene sounds really realistic. Every single one of my friends with graduate degrees and high level jobs has stated they won’t even think about kids until 35+. Most of them even pretend they don’t know whether they want to get married until they are literally engaged. I’ve noticed it’s a sort of conceit.

I think maybe it has to do with women wising up to the fact that most men don’t really want to get married or have kids anymore so women pretend to be nonchalant about these things in order to date high level guys, then they talk them into it once they are serious.

But OP, the thing to know is, people talking like this doesn’t mean they will be successful having kids easily so late. And it also doesn’t mean they are actually ignorant of biology. It’s just a mating strategy. I truly believe this from seeing it play out among many friends and acquaintances. It’s a calculated risk.

Ok. I admit that I was like this. I really didn’t care about marriage and kids until my mid thirties because grad school/ career was always my main focus. Now that I look back at it as an almost 50 year old woman, I’m glad it all worked out for me because it very easily couldn’t have, as I’ve seen with others.

Anyways, I am grateful for my kids even more now, given my previously lackadaisical attitude.