Distance self from friend/neighbor without upsetting them

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who I would really like a break from. She's not a bad person, but I just need a break. Our kids have some overlapping activities, so I see her very often. One of these activities is wrapping up for the summer after this weekend, so I think now is a good time to take a break for the rest of the summer. Unfortunately, we are also neighbors - which makes it more difficult to do. Because of this, I'm on many group texts and conversations - all of which she dominates. I also believe that she's on the spectrum. There is no way that someone can be as oblivious to social indicators and clues as she is without being on the spectrum.

However, anytime she feels that she's not being included in things or isn't fitting in - she reaches out and complains about it to people. Just last week she reached out to one of our neighbors wanting to know why she isn't invited to certain events and what the issue is. To be honest, many of us are traveling and busy with kids activities, and our lives don't revolve around our own personal socializing (which hers does). I work full time and have two kids and don't have time to chat in a group text all day. She's also done this to me in the past. Wanting to know if there were group texts that she wasn't included on, similar things.

I really need a break and don't want a guilt trip or to hear from other people that her feelings are hurt and she thinks she's being left out. Also, our kids are similar ages but not friends.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, definitely pull back a bit. She sounds intense. If she asks if there are group chats she's not included in say "I don't know - I can't keep track of that stuff, so I let it go." Feel free to ignore some of her texts and take longer to respond to others. Be vaguely busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, definitely pull back a bit. She sounds intense. If she asks if there are group chats she's not included in say "I don't know - I can't keep track of that stuff, so I let it go." Feel free to ignore some of her texts and take longer to respond to others. Be vaguely busy.

great advice, slow fade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, definitely pull back a bit. She sounds intense. If she asks if there are group chats she's not included in say "I don't know - I can't keep track of that stuff, so I let it go." Feel free to ignore some of her texts and take longer to respond to others. Be vaguely busy.

I usually hate the slow fade, but in your case, op, I approve. This is good advice to follow.

[Anonymous]

Don't ghost her, but just pull back a bit until you feel comfortable. Don't keep up with texts constantly. Take a while to respond.

Make sure you're clear and not contributing to the confusion. It does sound a bit like you're expecting her to read your mind by complaining about her not picking up on social cues. Say no clearly if that's what you mean (in a polite way). Don't string her along with "oh that sounds great, let me check" if you have no intention of doing it.

[Anonymous]

You say she’s a friend. Do you like her? If you like her and want to stay friends then you put up with small quirks and annoyances.

If you need a break maybe tell her you’re burned out on the group chats and taking a break from that for a while?