Is it an asd thing or an adhd thing to feel constantly aggrieved?

[Anonymous]

Ds/ 11/ audhd seems to be in a state of near constant irritation. Things are never going how he wants them to. He is in therapy. What is this and how do I address it?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think it is. I acknowledge it once without judgment and then move on. "That sounds tough," or "I can tell you're upset about that."

But beyond that, feeding the rumination and sense of grievance does not help the kid, so I try not to do that.

To give you some hope, my kid is older now (HS age) and has become much more reasonable about stuff like that.

But you can't change your child's reactions. You can only change your own.

[Anonymous]

It can often be a self-defense mechanism when someone doesn’t understand what everyone else seems to “get” so easily. Always feeling left out or left behind. And anxiety.

[Anonymous]

It's both. And it's anxiety.

I think it's an age when some kids start really thinking about how they have a tougher time at some things and what that might mean for them long term.

[Anonymous]

Google rejection sensitive dysphoria and see if it resonates. Also irritability is a sign that my autistic child's anti-anxiety meds need to be adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Yes, be sure to acknowledge the feeling, and move on, while trying to note triggers to alert therapy team about. Also, incorporate a moment of gratitude as much as possible into the family’s day.

[Anonymous]

I think it's that they expect the world to be fair, and it often isn't.

[Anonymous]

Not always. My young adult ASD son has always been very calm and patient. My ASD husband is mostly calm and patient, but has occasional bouts of irrational anger when all hell breaks loose. It's tough to live with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google rejection sensitive dysphoria and see if it resonates. Also irritability is a sign that my autistic child's anti-anxiety meds need to be adjusted.

i can never tell if mine needs anti anxiety meds... how can you tell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not always. My young adult ASD son has always been very calm and patient. My ASD husband is mostly calm and patient, but has occasional bouts of irrational anger when all hell breaks loose. It's tough to live with someone like that.

I used to think it was calm and patience.

But now I know they are being total space cadets and are clueless about what just happened and what to do next. So they sit there quietly and hope it passes over or someone else fixes it.

[Anonymous]

With either ADHD or ASD, the world doesn't mesh with who these kids are, leading to so many misunderstandings. All day, every day. It's a capricious, unfathomable world. Of course these kids feel aggrieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Google rejection sensitive dysphoria and see if it resonates. Also irritability is a sign that my autistic child's anti-anxiety meds need to be adjusted.

i can never tell if mine needs anti anxiety meds... how can you tell?

Same here! Would love to know how others knew. I wonder sometimes if reducing the anxiety would make mine more flexible, but it's hard to know if it's anxiety-related. Many of us see anxiety in him, but he doesn't report feeling it.

[Anonymous]

As someone who didn’t get diagnosed until my 40’s with anxiety- I felt it all the time, but thought everyone else felt that way too so I never thought of myself as having anxiety. Going on meds made me see the difference, before that my anxiety was just “normal” for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With either ADHD or ASD, the world doesn't mesh with who these kids are, leading to so many misunderstandings. All day, every day. It's a capricious, unfathomable world. Of course these kids feel aggrieved.

Exactly this

[Anonymous]

Give him more freedom and autonomy.