When you hear of a parent outliving their child, do you have more sympathy for the parent or their deceased child?

[Anonymous]

To me, it makes more sense for deceased to get more sympathy than their living parent(s), because it either means the child died young and/or the parent(s) are living long.

[Anonymous]

The dead person is, well, dead and doesn't need sympathy. The survivors do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dead person is, well, dead and doesn't need sympathy. The survivors do.

+1

[Anonymous]

The dead person is at peace. It's the survivors who need sympathy as they are likely not at peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dead person is, well, dead and doesn't need sympathy. The survivors do.

This — also why I feel for people who lose their parents. I do feel quite generally for parents who lose a kid than kids who lose a parent although both are absolutely tragedies. Losing a parent is terrible but expected; losing a kid is just plain terrible.

[Anonymous]

Both. I feel terrible that the child didn’t get to experience more of life, but, of course, it’s awful for the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dead person is, well, dead and doesn't need sympathy. The survivors do.

+1

This.

[Anonymous]

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Are we talking about a situation where a parent left their 2-year-old in a hot car or a situation where a 25-year-old overdosed?

[Anonymous]

I mean I'm sad that the person lost their life and that a young life was cut so short. But I'm definitely going to feel more for the family that it still alive. They are the ones grieving and hurting.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a competition. You can feel more than one feeling simultaneously and neither is more valid or better than the other.

Your question is like asking me who I love more, my spouse or my children. I love them all a lot - but differently.

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible the child didn't get to live a longer life but also -- that is part of the parents' grief burden too. So in terms of sympathy I am obviously focused on the parents because they are the living people who are going through something terrible. The deceased suffered a tragedy but I can do nothing to be there for them or comfort them so I don't know how I can sympathize with them.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents all lost children, some as babies and toddlers, some as adults. They, all four, said that losing a child, even a 50 year old child, was the worst pain they had ever experienced and that they would never get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel terrible the child didn't get to live a longer life but also -- that is part of the parents' grief burden too. So in terms of sympathy I am obviously focused on the parents because they are the living people who are going through something terrible. The deceased suffered a tragedy but I can do nothing to be there for them or comfort them so I don't know how I can sympathize with them.

This. The Sandy Hook and Uvalde massacred children suffered horribly and had their lives unfairly cut tragically short but their parents and continue to suffer grief, loss and ptsd for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Are you pitting dead children against their surviving parents? This is weird and gross.