Baby shower - what do people do these days?

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband are having a baby. My mom and I want to do a shower, but I am 12 years older than her, and my youngest is turning 19. What do people do for showers these days? Just a lunch at a restaurant near her (mom and I live in a different state than her) and open some gifts? Also, they want to invite some male friends, so it would be coed - not sure if that makes any difference, I suspect it does not.

[Anonymous]

My nephew and his wife (30s) just had one at their house—open house style with food and gift opening at X time.

[Anonymous]

It's a thing now to invite men as well as the women.

[Anonymous]

Tacky. Let her friends throw her a shower.

[Anonymous]

Let her friends throw her a shower.

She doesn't have very many friends (she has two that I know of). She has a disability and is very shy. Why would it be tacky for us to throw her a shower?

[Anonymous]

Same as when you had showers. They’re typically at someone’s house with a buffet spread.

I think sisters and moms should throw the showers. I’ve had to host so many in my 20s that I could barely afford so that their wealthy moms didn’t have to host, because that wouldn’t be proper.

[Anonymous]

Coed is normal. Don't do any games involving melted candy in diapers or crepe paper approximations of how large the pregnant person is. Just have food, soft music, gifts. You can do it at a home OR restaurant near the pregnant woman. Not at her home bc she will feel obligated to go into hostess mode.

A nice touch is to ask everyone to bring a book they loved as young as they remember, and inscribe it to the baby.

One I was at recently had a quiz about baby safety things (put baby to sleep on back or belly? which order of baby CPR is correct? carseat faces front or back? Until what age?) and then the three people who got the most right got a little gift (I think it was nail polish).

It's not at all tacky of you and your mom to throw her a shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let her friends throw her a shower.

She doesn't have very many friends (she has two that I know of). She has a disability and is very shy. Why would it be tacky for us to throw her a shower?

The traditional (and most would say outdated) etiquette rules say that immediate family does not host a baby shower, only extended family or friends.

People often post on this site as if they live their entire life following the mores of the 1900s (no white after Labor Day, no diamonds during the day, no notes about gifts or links to registries). Please ignore them. For example, the Emily Post Institute, which interprets old rules for modern life writes, "Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there's a legitimate reason." https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-who-hosts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let her friends throw her a shower.

She doesn't have very many friends (she has two that I know of). She has a disability and is very shy. Why would it be tacky for us to throw her a shower?

The traditional (and most would say outdated) etiquette rules say that immediate family does not host a baby shower, only extended family or friends.

People often post on this site as if they live their entire life following the mores of the 1900s (no white after Labor Day, no diamonds during the day, no notes about gifts or links to registries). Please ignore them. For example, the Emily Post Institute, which interprets old rules for modern life writes, "Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there's a legitimate reason." https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-who-hosts

I agree that anyone can host a baby shower, but still think putting info about gifts/registries on an invite is very tacky.

[Anonymous]

Same as when you had showers. They’re typically at someone’s house with a buffet spread.

Unfortunately, I think it is going to be tough to make it happen at a house. She and her husband live far out in a suburb and their house is very cluttered. We have a number of aunts and cousins who are interested in flying in from out of town (or so they say, they do have funds and ability to do so). I would not want to put it on my sis and her husband to have to clean/change their place for this. Also, her closest friend lives in the city, has a toddler of her own, and works weekends with limited time off, and I want to make sure it is possible for her to attend. So I think we will have to do a restaurant, maybe try to reserve a small room if possible.

[Anonymous]

Yes, please dont make the pregnant woman host in her own home even if you promise to take care of everything.

My closest friend was like I am hosting a shower at your house for you, and I nicely declined but then she kept pushing and I was furious because I did not want to have to clean, prep, etc. for a shower when we are in the process of getting ready for a new baby. We have so many house projects going on to get ready for the baby that it would push the timeline and then cleaning and needing our oldest to be taken care of and out of the house as well as our geriatric dog. It was a firm no and she seemed annoyed by it but thats not my problem. Also, if she wants to spend $500 or more dollars, we need two car seats! Hosting a shower is expensive and it wasnt really helpful for our first. Hardly anyone bought off the registry- even though it was basic $15-100 items. We were struggling financially and ended up having to buy all the necessities anyways.

[Anonymous]

A shower is just a party. There are no rules. Just have good music and food. You don't have to do games. And gifts can be opened later. Many are now co-ed, so ask what she wants in terms of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let her friends throw her a shower.

She doesn't have very many friends (she has two that I know of). She has a disability and is very shy. Why would it be tacky for us to throw her a shower?

The traditional (and most would say outdated) etiquette rules say that immediate family does not host a baby shower, only extended family or friends.

People often post on this site as if they live their entire life following the mores of the 1900s (no white after Labor Day, no diamonds during the day, no notes about gifts or links to registries). Please ignore them. For example, the Emily Post Institute, which interprets old rules for modern life writes, "Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there's a legitimate reason." https://emilypost.com/advice/baby-showers-who-hosts

I agree that anyone can host a baby shower, but still think putting info about gifts/registries on an invite is very tacky.

You would prefer to have to ask when you RSVP? How much work is the hostess doing here???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A shower is just a party. There are no rules. Just have good music and food. You don't have to do games. And gifts can be opened later. Many are now co-ed, so ask what she wants in terms of that.

In my circles it's common to do a casual co-ed party at a friend's house or outdoors (park, backyard) if the weather is nice.

[Anonymous]

Op do whatever is easiest. A restaurant sounds relaxing! People on here are mostly rude. Your sister will be happy 😊