Will grandparents always favor the first grandchild?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this question is for grandparents or for families that don't live near grandparents or feel like their kids are always second to the other cousins

Our baby isn't here yet so I know that probably sounds crazy. Obviously they would love/be close to their grandchild of two years but recently two things have made us uncomfortable and feel like it's already setting the stage.

I will also say we don't live nearby and don't plan to live in the same state. We get a lot of hate for it but we feel like it's unfair for us to be the only ones to make that change and concession. Grandparents have already said they want to move closer to our nephew and even if we moved one state away ( they were previously interested in) it wouldn't matter. We know proximity wise they will be closer.

Grandparents asked us to hold off on decorating the nursery because they wanted to do it with us and they made a big deal about coming to help us get the place ready for baby ( due in 8 weeks) and at the last minute they cancelled and didn't give us a reason and we find out they are driving the 4 hours to nephews house for the weekend. We didn't need to help but they were the ones who are it a big deal so we literally were just waiting and wanted to include them.

We also refer to this baby as buddy sometimes and they flat out said we already have a little buddy and won't be calling this baby buddy ever. We need to pick a new name. I just ignored them but seriously!?

[Anonymous]

I think the daughter’s kids will always be favored. My brother lives down the street from my parents and his kids are 9 and 7 years older than mine. I live four hours but I think they favor my kids more than my brother’s.

I’m also more open to their involvement and create opportunities for them to have grandparent memories. And my son’s interests are the same as my dad’s (construction equipment, building, etc) so he’s more interested in engaging with my son than my brother’s. All that to say there are many variables. Grandparenting is a little bit what you make of it—on both ends.

[Anonymous]

Well, not all grandparents pick the firstborn, but they all pick a favorite. My parents were pretty decent grandparents to my kids until my sister had kids. After that, they didn't spend much time with my kids and when they did, my kids would report that they spent the whole time unfavorably comparing my kids to their younger cousins.

[Anonymous]

My kid is the 2nd grandchild but I'm the oldest and the only daughter. It's 100% that my child is the favorite.

[Anonymous]

My parents prefer whichever grandchild is behaving the best, performing the best, and is nicest to them.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My grandparents had two, I’m the youngest. I was my grandma’s favorite and my grandpa didn’t have a favorite.

[Anonymous]

They will favor the one that spends the most time with them.

[Anonymous]

My dad doesn’t favor anyone (he has 3 grandkids, all male, similar ages, from a son and a daughter). But then he isn’t very involved as it is. He is shy and sad they don’t share his old timey interests!

[Anonymous]

Grandparents favor their favorite child's children.

[Anonymous]

No.

Never seen that.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws do favor the first grandchild, because MIL cared for him as a newborn, and he has struggled in his adult life. I think that perfectly understandable.

My parents love their grandkids equally, which is very nice.

[Anonymous]

In my family, my mother strongly favors the children of her favorite child. Location has not made a difference although I feel like it can in other families.

With my in laws, my MIL strongly favors the granddaughters over the grandsons.

Neither grandfather shows particular favoritism.

My children don’t seem to notice, so I try to keep my feelings to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents favor their favorite child's children.

Yup this. Also points for whatever parents let them interact with the kids however they want/on their own terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents favor their favorite child's children.

Yup this. Also points for whatever parents let them interact with the kids however they want/on their own terms.

Our experience too.

[Anonymous]

I’m the daughter who made my parents grandparents.

They adored my eldest (a girl), but were less over the moon with my second (also a girl), and pay little attention to DS (adopted).

I think the difference is that they have aged and developed health issues.

However, my brother has sons born since I adopted DS and my dad is really obsessed with them. They are my dad’s spitting image.