11 year old boy super into playing with 7 year olds?

[Anonymous]

There is a sixth grade boy on my DD’s summer swim team who is super into playing with the group of seven year old girls. There’s lots of ticking and chasing each other around. I have told my DD to knock it off and she has but the group persists in chasing this kid and vice versa. Am I off base to find this creepy?

[Anonymous]

It’s probably innocent, but I would find it creepy too. Why isn’t the coach squashing this. Running/chasing and tickling sounds unsafe and inappropriate on the pool deck for any age.

[Anonymous]

We had a kid on our swim team like this too. I told my DD to stick to playing with kids her own age, without further explanation.

And no tickling with any non-family member is a hard and fast family rule of ours. Too many stories in the mandatory child abuse training our church requires start with tickling.

[Anonymous]

The mixed gender thing would give me pause. That being said, once my DD got to 5th grade/middle school, she started preferring the company of girls 1-2 years younger than her because the girls in her grade were VERY "mature." I know she will eventually catch up, but for now she loves hanging out with neighbor girls who are 1 and 2 years younger.

[Anonymous]

It is likely that the boy is having developmental problems. A kid playing with kids younger than they are is likely not being 'creepy' or a 'predator' they are just likely having difficulty socializing with kids their own age. Which is generally really difficult for them.

So I would hope his parents help him because it is hard and emotional to take that leap out of childhood and he needs support. But I would not jump to any conclusions that an 11 year old clinging to playing with kids younger than him needs anything other than compassion.

[Anonymous]

It would give me pause. But some kids don’t mature as fast. For a while my son preferred to play with kids many years younger than him, but not any more.

Maybe this is immature and given girls mature faster might not be that far apart.

Watch for sure and no private spaces.

11 is still very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is likely that the boy is having developmental problems. A kid playing with kids younger than they are is likely not being 'creepy' or a 'predator' they are just likely having difficulty socializing with kids their own age. Which is generally really difficult for them.

So I would hope his parents help him because it is hard and emotional to take that leap out of childhood and he needs support. But I would not jump to any conclusions that an 11 year old clinging to playing with kids younger than him needs anything other than compassion.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions. And he's only 11, why does he have to be done with his childhood?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the thoughts. I do not think there is a developmental issue at play. My son is AuHd so I am pretty knowledgeable and perceptive about SN but I could be wrong. I think it’s the mix gender and tickling that bothers me the most.

[Anonymous]

The tickling between kids is a no.
My 12yo DD plays with younger kids too though and it’s not creepy. She’s a young 12, not into sunbathing, bikinis and boys.
She wants to play Tag four square and basketball.

[Anonymous]

Mix gender is fine.

A boy with only girls, only younger girls, is not fine. At the very least, there should be boys and girls his own age or older keeping an eye out and keeping behavior in check.

Tickling in swimwear is not fine.

Horseplay on the deck, and grabbing in the pool, is not fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tickling between kids is a no.
My 12yo DD plays with younger kids too though and it’s not creepy. She’s a young 12, not into sunbathing, bikinis and boys.
She wants to play Tag four square and basketball.

That's not a young 12, that's being 12. Good for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the thoughts. I do not think there is a developmental issue at play. My son is AuHd so I am pretty knowledgeable and perceptive about SN but I could be wrong. I think it’s the mix gender and tickling that bothers me the most.

It isn't a special needs concern you need to be 'knowledgeable' about. Also saying that because you understand autism and ADHD you understand all SN is like, incredibly arrogant.

The world expectations on an 8 year old boy vs a 12 year old boy change dramatically. But these are children who have not even hit puberty yet. It isn't developmentally abnormal to struggle to socialize at your own age but it is a warning sign that they might be struggling socially. This doesn't necessarily mean SN it also just doesn't mean anything nefarious. An 11 year old pre pubescent boy is still a child, who has spent his entire life up to that point likely playing without boundaries with his friends who are girls. Suddenly adults get really freaking weird about it when you turn 10 but it takes kids a second to catch up. It sounds like some kids having fun at the pool. I'm not saying ignore if they all start sneaking off for alone time in the changing rooms obviously but these are just KIDS who are PLAYING.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a younger sister? Come from a big family?

I find that boys in those situations are often comfortable playing with kids younger than them, or even a variety of ages. We used to live on a street where boys and girls of a huge age range all played together. I never found it creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The tickling between kids is a no.
My 12yo DD plays with younger kids too though and it’s not creepy. She’s a young 12, not into sunbathing, bikinis and boys.
She wants to play Tag four square and basketball.

That's not a young 12, that's being 12. Good for your DD.

+1. I posted upthread. My DD is 13 and similar. It gets harder and harder to find similar girls.

[Anonymous]

Very odd. Is he NT?