Tips when dealing with suspected cheater

[Anonymous]

Someone reached out on social media to say my boyfriend has been cheating on me - not just with her, but with others as well - and I’m waiting for her to provide evidence which she claims to have but hasn’t yet shared. On the one hand, I don’t feel it’s prudent to discuss this with my BF until she does so; on the other hand, I feel extremely uncomfortable in the meantime. Would appreciate advice from any DCUMers who have been in a similar situation, thank you in advance.

[Anonymous]

Once you have the evidence move on. Don't seek revenge. Don't cry in front of him. Cut him off completely. Block him. If you are living with him either move out or ask him to move out. He is a cheater he won't change. I have never cheated on any girlfriend and I am loyal to my wife as well. So rest assured you will find a loyal man. There are more loyal men than cheaters..Just my 2cents. Hope you get better suggestions from women.

[Anonymous]

Ask for evidence and get her name. This could be some psycho who has it out for you or him. The anonymity of social media lets kooks run wild. If she provides evidence, dump him and move on.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you don't want to discuss it with him. This is definitely something I would bring up immediately.

How long have you been waiting for this supposed "evidence"? I would think someone reaching out about this, someone who has "evidence," would provide it right away.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT DISCUSS IT WITH HIM.

He will delete and wipe as much as he can. Wait patiently for now. See what comes up. Do not alert him that you may know. Keep your ears and eyes perked until you can do some research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT DISCUSS IT WITH HIM.

He will delete and wipe as much as he can. Wait patiently for now. See what comes up. Do not alert him that you may know. Keep your ears and eyes perked until you can do some research.

Yep. Just smile and be your pleasant self for now. Now you're alerted, look for evidence on his phone or laptop, or find receipts, discreetly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT DISCUSS IT WITH HIM.

He will delete and wipe as much as he can. Wait patiently for now. See what comes up. Do not alert him that you may know. Keep your ears and eyes perked until you can do some research.

Yep. Just smile and be your pleasant self for now. Now you're alerted, look for evidence on his phone or laptop, or find receipts, discreetly.

This. A cheater is a liar. Why would you bring it up before you have evidence. Much better to lay low and start digging on your own. If he thinks you suspect anything, he will cover his tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT DISCUSS IT WITH HIM.

He will delete and wipe as much as he can. Wait patiently for now. See what comes up. Do not alert him that you may know. Keep your ears and eyes perked until you can do some research.

Yep. Just smile and be your pleasant self for now. Now you're alerted, look for evidence on his phone or laptop, or find receipts, discreetly.

This. A cheater is a liar. Why would you bring it up before you have evidence. Much better to lay low and start digging on your own. If he thinks you suspect anything, he will cover his tracks.

Except this is some rando reporting him. Who knows what their motive is. I wouldn't take the accusation at face value.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She provided screenshots of their text conversations. It’s now confirmed, and of course, I’ll be dumping him. Should I tell him why? Or just ghost and block?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone reached out on social media to say my boyfriend has been cheating on me - not just with her, but with others as well - and I’m waiting for her to provide evidence which she claims to have but hasn’t yet shared. On the one hand, I don’t feel it’s prudent to discuss this with my BF until she does so; on the other hand, I feel extremely uncomfortable in the meantime. Would appreciate advice from any DCUMers who have been in a similar situation, thank you in advance.

I think it's fine to wait a little bit (today, for example, but not tomorrow) for her to send the evidence before confronting him. If she just never responds, you confront him anyway by asking him who this woman is contacting you about his infidelity. I suppose it's possible that she is crazy and making it up, but it's a lot more likely that she is correct. In that case, the advice is to break up with him, since you are not married and have no children together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She provided screenshots of their text conversations. It’s now confirmed, and of course, I’ll be dumping him. Should I tell him why? Or just ghost and block?

Yes, tell him why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She provided screenshots of their text conversations. It’s now confirmed, and of course, I’ll be dumping him. Should I tell him why? Or just ghost and block?

I would say why. Very, very briefly. "Larla DM'd me. I've seen screenshots of your texts. Goodbye, liar." Not much more. No conversing at all. It's not up for discussion. Don't get pulled into him denying it. Just send the text telling him. Then block.

[Anonymous]

Get your ducks in a row if you need, before you tell him. Do you live together? Give yourself time to find a new place. Do you have stuff at his house? Give yourself time to get packed.

I'd tell him as the very last thing you do before saying BYEEE forever. If you have no other ties, I'd tell him and then block and leave.

[Anonymous]

Home now, and thanking my lucky stars 1) STBXBF is away on work travel, returning on Friday, and 2) we don’t live together.

I do have a key (since he does travel so much for his job), and went straight to his place after work to pack my things (I’ll box his stuff that’s at my place tomorrow). My anger kept me from breaking down there, but I’m trying to calm down now that I’m home.

I feel a strong urge to lay into him when he returns, before cutting all ties, but recognize I may change my mind by Friday. Could I beg DCUM for some more advice on how to handle the next couple of days?

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Get an STD test, and be gentle with yourself. Tell a trusted friend.