Keep having boys until girl is born

[Anonymous]

My cousin has 3 boys. She was basically crying and angry about having boys. “We will keep trying until I get a girl.” She said this in front of one of her boys. I felt bad for him. She might as well say “I don’t want you. You aren’t good enough.” I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this crazy in both directions. It will sound weird to say, but at least when they're chasing a girl it's usually the mom's choice to go through another pregnancy. When the dad is cursing and breaking things at a gender reveal because it's another girl, you just know that uterus is in for another go whether she wants it or not.

[Anonymous]

We tried that but had to stop for medical reasons. We have only sone, no daughters.

Not uncommon. Not sure why you think it's remarkable.

[Anonymous]

It's gross but not that uncommon. This is actually a reason that the whole "boy mom" and "girl dad" phenomenon does't bother me -- I think sometimes it's how someone experiencing disappointment in not having a child who shares their sex. I think often people get this idea in their head of what parenting will be like and it's gendered -- dad tossing a ball around with their sons or moms going shopping with their daughters (if these sound like gross stereotypes to you that's the point -- many people still live in a very gendered world and those stereotypes are reality to them). So they look for a different model for what parenting can look like and something like #boymom can fit the bill.

In any case while I agree with you that what she is doing and saying is hurtful to her sons I also feel for her. She's been trapped by an ideal of motherhood that she can't access. I hope she can see the blessing her kids are and learn that gender is honestly a pretty minor part of most people's identity (not an irrelevant one but it doesn't dictate whether we are kind or sensitive or creative or strong willed or really most personality traits).

[Anonymous]

You can't always get what you want. I want a mansion and a life of leisure. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Right!!


quote=Anonymous]You can't always get what you want. I want a mansion and a life of leisure. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

But did you cry about only having boys? Get upset?


quote=Anonymous]We tried that but had to stop for medical reasons. We have only sone, no daughters.

Not uncommon. Not sure why you think it's remarkable.

[Anonymous]

Wanting a girl doesn't mean her son's aren't good enough. You don't need to understand her choices, worry about your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this crazy in both directions. It will sound weird to say, but at least when they're chasing a girl it's usually the mom's choice to go through another pregnancy. When the dad is cursing and breaking things at a gender reveal because it's another girl, you just know that uterus is in for another go whether she wants it or not.

The moms I know who kept trying for a boy did it because they wanted to ((( they wanted to get that boy on the docket!!!!! The dads were thrilled to be girl dads.

[Anonymous]

We had three of one sex and then one of the other (which surprised us, we assumed it was another of the same because that’s just what we make!). We didn’t go on to have our fifth BECAUSE we didn’t want people to think we were “keep trying until you get your boy/girl” people, but it was a silver lining.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird/gross. We had 2 boys when we decided to have a third. Ended up with a girl, but we were excited at the prospect of either a boy or girl (really just wanted a healthy pregnancy after over a year of trying). We had both a boy and girl name picked out.

I absolutely love having a daughter, but I love my sons too and cannot imagine looking at either of them as some sort of disappointment. Sometimes I get comments about how I “finally got” my girl. It makes me cringe.

[Anonymous]

Not true of everyone of course, but for a lot of people when they picture children/childhood they picture THEIR OWN childhood. The activities they did, the things they liked, etc. and a lot of that is often gendered. I only had sisters so when I close my eyes and picture kids playing, I'm imaging kids playing make believe games like we did. My husband, who only had brothers and never played that way at all, pictures a kids baseball team. It can be a sad or scary or a little disappointing to totally let that go.

This is a grief that needs to be handled internally and in no way communicated to real children. In my experience most people who feel this feel it a little at first and get over 100% once their real child/children exist.

[Anonymous]

IVF and embryo selection. Cheaper than another boy to raise.

[Anonymous]

I knew a family growing up with 7 sons and a row and then a girl. I always felt bad for boy7...a disappointment from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this crazy in both directions. It will sound weird to say, but at least when they're chasing a girl it's usually the mom's choice to go through another pregnancy. When the dad is cursing and breaking things at a gender reveal because it's another girl, you just know that uterus is in for another go whether she wants it or not.

The moms I know who kept trying for a boy did it because they wanted to ((( they wanted to get that boy on the docket!!!!! The dads were thrilled to be girl dads.

My husband loves being a girl dad. I offered to keep going but he was completely content and loves his role in the family. Our girls are sporty and adventurous so I really don't think its that different.