Hardest time for a relationship with kids

[Anonymous]

Before I had children, people would always say that the first few years with a baby were the hardest on a couple’s relationship. Maybe my kids were easy babies but I’ve found it exponentially harder on my relationship having older elementary kids. Just so much more time and energy focused on the kids and less time for my DH and me. With a small baby, or even two, the kids went to bed early and we could hang out together. Now it seems like we have much less time as a couple and it’s been really hard.

Is this common? Why do we hear so much about how hard the baby years are on a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I am thinking either your kids were very easy babies or your kids are overscheduled now?

[Anonymous]

Normally elementary is the fun time!

[Anonymous]

This is not a mystery. If your kids went to bed at 7 and you had more time asa couple. And your elementary kids go to bed at 9; then you have 2 less hours as a couple.

[Anonymous]

For us the baby years were harder because parenting was more “difficult active”…. Playing with them, picking up after them, rocking to sleep, feeding, bathing, lifting, etc. any extra time the parents were physically exhausted.

With the older kids, they do a lot more independently, so parents have more time for intellectual conversations and connection with reach other.

[Anonymous]

It can all be hard, it just depends on your strengths and weaknesses as a couple. We were much more deliberate about hiring a sitter and going in date nights when the kids were in elementary school.

Ours are now all teens and I’m finding this period very hard. Big kids, big problems and their schedules don’t align so DH and I split staying up super late and then the other getting up early. On the weekends the house might be settled for only 4-5 hours before someone is awake again. We’re not trying to helicopter but we are trying to be an active presence if that makes sense, but the result is that DH and I never go to bed and rarely get up at the same time which is rough on the se* life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a mystery. If your kids went to bed at 7 and you had more time asa couple. And your elementary kids go to bed at 9; then you have 2 less hours as a couple.

Or 15 minutes if you're me.

[Anonymous]

We are now empty nesters but we never over scheduled our kids. If they really wanted to participate in something we supported them but we didn’t push them. They are all very successful so it worked for us. Yes, as teens they stayed up later than us but our home was set up so we really had a great deal of privacy. Raising children from infancy to leaving the home never really affected our love life with one key being that we always went to bed at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Hardest time for us is right now- older teens. It’s a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Teen years. When you may not agree on parenting approaches for challenging behaviors. When they are more independent and engaging in higher risk behaviors.

[Anonymous]

If you have children with special needs it’s always a struggle. If not, feel blessed and try to maintain a quiet and not over scheduled home. Often, it’s the type A parents who create the stress.

[Anonymous]

Midlife crisis time is the hardest. This is not the baby years. This is 15-18 years in usually. Someone that you never ever would expect cheats, has an affair, starts drinking more, has a personality change, etc etc. It will be something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen years. When you may not agree on parenting approaches for challenging behaviors. When they are more independent and engaging in higher risk behaviors.

My sons have always been very easy and a joy. One is off to college next year. What has made the teen years the hardest is my husband’s parenting style. Just awful, authoritarian, control freak.

[Anonymous]

It was harder when they were under 5 or 6.
Easier now despite all their activities and needing rides.

Kids help out with chores and oldest is able to babysit for our date nights out.
Looking forward to the oldest getting driver license and alleviating us on that end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crisis time is the hardest. This is not the baby years. This is 15-18 years in usually. Someone that you never ever would expect cheats, has an affair, starts drinking more, has a personality change, etc etc. It will be something.

+1. DW has done a 360. I wonder if she is an alien disguised as a human. She doesn't even smile anymore. Her fave looks hollow. Just weird. And therapy just made everything worse. We are heading for divorce which is actually great because I don't want my kids in that environment 7 days a week.