When an acquaintance finds God
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Not sure whether to post this in Jobs/Careers or Religion or Relationships or what so I chose Off Topic as it overlaps all of those.
I have a work colleague who has been going through some very serious things. I am closer to this work colleague than most — to the degree I have friends at work (I generally try to keep my work and personal life separate so as a rule work “friends” are a distinct category and not exactly as close as personal friends), he is a friend (we are both men). There is no professional power imbalance at play. His serious things include very serious illnesses with his wife and a child (separate, unrelated incidences and conditions) to the point where they have sought costly alternative treatments in other countries after they believe Western medicine has failed. Like spent six figures on this, and swear by results. I only know the cost because he has told me and commented on liquidating 401k plans etc to pay for it. I have listened and been supportive but I have been a little uncomfortable with the level of reliance on these … specious methods I do have concerns they are being exploited in their desperation (one of the illnesses is life-threatening). But I have only expressed support and kept my concerns to myself. It seems to be working, so who am I to tell him otherwise? However it’s recently took a turn. There was another incident in the country, a very serious one that involves violence. And he survived it. And now he is starting to allude to turning things over to the “man upstairs” and is extremely excited to share his “spiritual awakening.” With me. This has finally gotten to a point where my discomfort is becoming untenable — I can be supportive of whatever he needs to do in terms of medical treatment— hell, I even donated to the GoFundMe. But I am not willing to be proselytized to. His insistence on sharing his spiritual awakening is getting more pronounced. I am not really sure what to do now. I feel like it’s crossing a line. Do I humor him? Disrance myself? Draw an explicit line? Ask HR? This is a first — not sure the best way to handle. |
Anonymous
| Please don't contact HR. Clearly he's in turmoil, and he really needs to keep his job and get paid, OP. You can't get a file started on him. I would just tell him I'm not comfortable discussing spiritual matters. Be direct. I find that always helps me, if said in a kind tone of voice. He knows you've been supportive of him. You two have that level of sincerity. |
Anonymous
|
Just tell him you are a very private person about such matters and cut him off.
Repeat until he gets the point |
Anonymous
|
You are going to get someone in trouble or something even fired because you can’t tell another adult that you would rather not discuss something ?
Grow up! |
Anonymous
| Grow up and use you're words like an adult op. SMH. You don't contact HR. WTF. |
Anonymous
| *your |
Anonymous
+1 say you prefer to not discuss religion, try to steer it back to where you're comfortable. Seems like you might be a life raft to this man. Maybe suggest counseling to him? |
Anonymous
| Do not ask HR. You admit you are friends. Let him know you are happy he has found God, but not interested in discussing. Then change the subject. Repeat as needed. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
This. Seriously, OP. You need Jesus. 
|
Anonymous
Say this. "Hey, Steve. I'm really glad to hear you're feeling optimistic about your life, and I'm happy for you. I wanted to let you know that talking about religion/spirituality makes me uncomfortable, so I'd like to ask that you keep those details out of our communications. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you/your family with (medical issue(s) you know about)." That you would even think about bringing it to HR reveals weakness of character. Him having faith isn't an HR issue; nothing about this hurts you. If you have a problem with it, it's a you issue. Maybe seek counseling to help you understand why you're reacting so strongly to someone else's declaration of faith? |
Anonymous
Not religious, but this did make me laugh out loud. OP, I understand your coworker is making you uncomfortable. You've been a good listening ear to him during a time of extreme stress and hardship. I'd advise you to do as others here have suggested, and kindly but firmly know that you are uncomfortable discussing religion and spirituality. |
Anonymous
|
You should accept his belief in God but turn him away from the scammers. If you reject him outright he'll fall further into the clutches of the scammers.
This is how medical professionals treat delusions and opinions. People can believe anything they want if it isn't harmful, and intervention is needed when they harm themselves or others. |
Anonymous
|
Don't humor him, don't go to HR, but do set boundaries.
Tell him "Mike, I know that your faith is important to you and it's clear that it brings you peace/comfort/etc. But I need to to respect my wishes to not discuss these things with you, and keep our conversations professional. These conversations are not appropriate for the workplace." Then if he crosses those boundaries, THEN you can go to HR with a clean conscience. But without talking to him (or addressing him in writing), you'd be a jerk. |
Anonymous
|
You only need to listen for as long as you like. Then, you say you can't anymore. That's it for now. No one , for whatever reason, gets to monopolize the time of another.
Forget the reasons. Forget the explanation, the rationale. Forget it. Unimportant, unimportant in the workplace. It's interfering with work. And in the workplace, where they have a captive audience, it's selfish behavior on their part. |