Middle School life

[Anonymous]

My almost 13 year old DS just finished 7th grade. I also have a DD in elementary school where I am the room parent volunteer and sometimes volunteer during lunch/recess. In contrast I know very little of what my DS's middle school life is like. I wonder what he does at lunch as he almost never eats the packed lunch (probably talking to friends) but still I would like to know.

This year he's gotten forgetful / negligent about completing HW and often lies about the reason. I was hoping that he would bring all of his art work back home on the last day but nothing ! Says he "forgot". Teachers are responsive via email when I have questions but other than that MS is a black box.

What's it like for your 7th grader ? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Just completed 6th. Very similar to yours.

[Anonymous]

DD(13) brought all her artwork and home ec. projects home, for example, but other than that and whatever she shares with me, no, nothing is really shared from the middle school administration or teachers unless I reach out. It’s sort of a depressing change from elementary.

[Anonymous]

Same. Second kid just finished 7th grade. The only information is what he tells me which is very little.

[Anonymous]

Just finished sixth. I have a girl whom I think tells me quite a bit, but I’m sure I don’t know everything. It was months before she mentioned that people vape on the bus all the time. But, I definitely don’t hear from her teachers other than the mass messages about a party, EOG test, etc.

I can figure out if any homework is missing through PowerSchool. In general this wasn’t a problem, but she definitely got worn down at the end of the year and wasn’t quite as diligent. She refused to tell me why she was late on one particular assignment, although she insisted she had an extension and it would be fine (she was right).

[Anonymous]

My DS just finished 8th at Carson. Straight As all quarters for both 7th and 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS just finished 8th at Carson. Straight As all quarters for both 7th and 8th.

Didn't read the question.

[Anonymous]

We're in private so it's not like this at all. We still get weekly newsletters from teachers about what they're covering in class.

[Anonymous]

My DD just finished 7th. She tells me about the unruly kids in the classes and how they bother her. She let me look at her yearbook and the messages from friends. She brought her artwork home in a folder but did NOT allow me to look at any of it.

Same as you, OP, with respect to assignments. I never know what is due, when she has tests. The online alerts are more trouble than they're worth because I'm constantly getting notifications that she got a 50% and then she says it's because the teacher missed the deadline to input the grades. I suspect that's true most of the time, but not all. None of the teachers reach out unless I do first, and I am trying to get her to be responsible for herself, so I didn't do it in 7th (I did it twice in 6th, I think).

I guess the bottom line is that if something horrible happens I think she'll tell me, but otherwise I have to just hope all is ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in private so it's not like this at all. We still get weekly newsletters from teachers about what they're covering in class.

So do we at our public school. She wasn’t talking about weekly newsletters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My almost 13 year old DS just finished 7th grade. I also have a DD in elementary school where I am the room parent volunteer and sometimes volunteer during lunch/recess. In contrast I know very little of what my DS's middle school life is like. I wonder what he does at lunch as he almost never eats the packed lunch (probably talking to friends) but still I would like to know.

This year he's gotten forgetful / negligent about completing HW and often lies about the reason. I was hoping that he would bring all of his art work back home on the last day but nothing ! Says he "forgot". Teachers are responsive via email when I have questions but other than that MS is a black box.

What's it like for your 7th grader ? Thanks.

I have a kid who just finished 8th. I think this is normal. It's great to be very involved when they are younger and they want you to be involved at that age. Then there is a time to step back and allow them to develop executive function and fail at times (middle school is the time for this when consequences are low) and it's normal that they will start navigating peer relationships without looking to you for guidance or including you all the time. Peers become a main focus and reference point, for better and worse. They are moving toward being more independent and it's not personal.

It's a transition. Have you asked him what he does at lunch? What does he say? I think it's important to keep a general sense of where your kid is outside of school, who they are with, and generally what they are up to. Beyond that, just trust yourself that if something is going on with your child, you will see it in their day-to-day mood and actions.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal for kids to get so busy they don't each lunch. I just try to
make certain my DD has a hearty breakfast -- usually carb-heavy and some fruit -- and then she often comes home on days she does not have ECs and chows down from 3pm to 6pm. On days she has practices, we eat early, ie 530pm or so.

I don't get nearly as much info as I did in elementary but feel like they have to figure it out.

I am largely hands-off, other than perhaps having a rule homework before screen time and done at the kitchen table or common desktop (We did this in the elementary years, so nothing new for our family.) I get regular updates on curriculum from the school and so no mysteries there.

We have access to grades and assignments online but I don't look regularly and next year -- in 7th -- will turn it largely off as my DD is on top of it.

I know I can reach out to advisor or other staff if need be and someone will respond quickly. DD occasionally forgets or underestimates amount of time project will take but she has had to deal with consequences and figure it out, ie getting up early to finish, working at break and lunch to hand it in by the end of the day etc. We don't let her stay up
late to finish when she exercised poor time management skills. Only happened 2x this year but she learned from
it.

At the end of the year I did inquire as to her plan to get everything done the last 3 weeks of school as multiple projects, exams, and/or assessments were due.

As for social dynamics, I have a general sense of what is going on and where my child is but she largely manages it herself, making initial contact for plans and working with me on logistics if need be. I have some idea of friends but the dynamics can and do change, so i just listen a lot and try not to judge.

I feel much more like a facilitator and coach than the person directing or organizing, which took a little while to get comfortable with but is necessary for DD to grow up.

[Anonymous]

DS is finishing 5th today, which is middle school here. It's almost shocking how little I know compared to last year, I have to ask VERY specific questions to get any information. We receive a vague weekly newsletter from his advisor and a pretty detailed school-wide one. There is a lot of forgetting, but I'm glad he is learning how to manage it now, rather than down the road.