Puzzling post

[Anonymous]

"I've been seeing this lady for less than a year and we're talking about marriage. We have a lot in common and have lots of love, but one issue is we have different ideas about money. We're both early 30's professionals, I make 50% more than she does, both upper 6 figures, and we expect some growth in our incomes. Our net worth is almost 3M, similar proportions. She's asked for a lot of gifts during our short relationship, designer handbags and jewelry and an expensive car, and I've pushed back but all in all have probably spent let's say at least 50k on these things. Before I met her I saved/invested most of my post-tax income, and whether it's for myself or for friends/family, my prior gifts were much more modest. She says stuff like: we make money to enjoy life, why wait to buy something in a year when we can do it now. When I bring up issues with her, she gets defensive and says she saves and invests too, criticizes me for tallying up how much her gifts cost, etc. Also, I've noticed we never get to talking brass tacks of what we'll do if we combine finances. It also bothers me that I pay for almost everything. I always thought it'd be better to pay into expenses in proportion to your income. I enjoy nice trips and hotels, but prefer experiences rather than material possessions, and I also want to save for potential kids' expenses/education, the opportunity for an early retirement (though I'll probably keep working into old age because I like my job), and to protect against risk of AI unemployment, industry decline, etc.
The optimist/pragmatist in me says our combined expenses including her gifts are still less than her after-tax income alone. The pessimist in me says lifestyle inflation can easily outpace income growth. Am I right or wrong?"

[Anonymous]

Finances are a HUGE marital issue. You must be on same page and it must be sorted out before you get married.

Hate to add this but if you were my friend/brother, I’d firmly suggest you see proof of her earnings and savings now. It shouldn’t be a big ask if you’re planning on getting married.

[Anonymous]

You need to run.

[Anonymous]

A combination of frivolous spending by one partner and miserly bean counting by another is an unsustainable oil and water combination that destroys marriages on the regular. Especially when kids are involved. If you do get married get a good prenup.

[Anonymous]

She's asked for a *car* as a gift during a dating relationship? That's objectively nuts. Run, don't walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's asked for a *car* as a gift during a dating relationship? That's objectively nuts. Run, don't walk.

I have to agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"I've been seeing this lady for less than a year and we're talking about marriage. We have a lot in common and have lots of love, but one issue is we have different ideas about money. We're both early 30's professionals, I make 50% more than she does, both upper 6 figures, and we expect some growth in our incomes. Our net worth is almost 3M, similar proportions. She's asked for a lot of gifts during our short relationship, designer handbags and jewelry and an expensive car, and I've pushed back but all in all have probably spent let's say at least 50k on these things. Before I met her I saved/invested most of my post-tax income, and whether it's for myself or for friends/family, my prior gifts were much more modest. She says stuff like: we make money to enjoy life, why wait to buy something in a year when we can do it now. When I bring up issues with her, she gets defensive and says she saves and invests too, criticizes me for tallying up how much her gifts cost, etc. Also, I've noticed we never get to talking brass tacks of what we'll do if we combine finances. It also bothers me that I pay for almost everything. I always thought it'd be better to pay into expenses in proportion to your income. I enjoy nice trips and hotels, but prefer experiences rather than material possessions, and I also want to save for potential kids' expenses/education, the opportunity for an early retirement (though I'll probably keep working into old age because I like my job), and to protect against risk of AI unemployment, industry decline, etc.
The optimist/pragmatist in me says our combined expenses including her gifts are still less than her after-tax income alone. The pessimist in me says lifestyle inflation can easily outpace income growth. Am I right or wrong?"

The first thing this dude needs to buy are running shoes!

Any woman who "asks" for something/anything during the relationship phase is a red flag. No woman is so valuable that you need to spend hundreds of thousands to 'get' her. Same things goes for men, but I seldom read anything where a woman is spending a ton of money wooing a man.