When no one lives nearby

[Anonymous]

My only sibling lives overseas and does not intend on returning. I live across the country with military DH. My parents are fine for now, but what happens when they're not? I still have young children who will need their mother, but if my parents need me too....

[Anonymous]

They will eventually need to hire care or move into a place that can offer care. None of my siblings or I live anywhere near my parents. They live in a CCRC and they hire outside help to go to appointments and help with misc tasks around the house. My parents are still physically mostly independent but mentally they're starting to slip. They're in a place that has memory care if need be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will eventually need to hire care or move into a place that can offer care. None of my siblings or I live anywhere near my parents. They live in a CCRC and they hire outside help to go to appointments and help with misc tasks around the house. My parents are still physically mostly independent but mentally they're starting to slip. They're in a place that has memory care if need be.

^^ This is if moving closer to you isn't an option. My parents did not want to move so this was the solution that kept them in the same city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will eventually need to hire care or move into a place that can offer care. None of my siblings or I live anywhere near my parents. They live in a CCRC and they hire outside help to go to appointments and help with misc tasks around the house. My parents are still physically mostly independent but mentally they're starting to slip. They're in a place that has memory care if need be.

^^ This is if moving closer to you isn't an option. My parents did not want to move so this was the solution that kept them in the same city.

We move every 2-3 years (and DH's career is starting to take off, so retirement isn't in the cards anytime soon). Guessing it's not as easy to move them.

[Anonymous]

You have to see what the situation is when the time comes that one or both need assistance. For my ILs, it turned out FIL developed Alzheimers in his 80s and had to move into a memory care unit. He lived for a few years. MIL lived independently and then fell, hitting her head and sustaining a traumatic brain injury. She was moved to a small board and care home where she lived for two years. Fortunately, they had a LTC policy which paid most of their costs and their savings covered the rest.

[Anonymous]

They hire or they move, or both. It's as simple as that. You can do a lot to help them.

As someone who's going through difficult eldercare now, I will tell you-- don't borrow this trouble right now! It might be a long old age, or it might not, if you catch my meaning. They might choose to move near you when something in their situation changes. Maybe this won't happen until your kids are launched. It can go so many different ways and it's very hard to predict. You sound like you have more than enough on your plate and there's really very little benefit to thinking about this stuff far in advance. Try your best to save money for visiting them, because that's never a bad thing. But really, don't think too hard about it. If they need you that badly then they'll move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will eventually need to hire care or move into a place that can offer care. None of my siblings or I live anywhere near my parents. They live in a CCRC and they hire outside help to go to appointments and help with misc tasks around the house. My parents are still physically mostly independent but mentally they're starting to slip. They're in a place that has memory care if need be.

+1

I live across country from parents. Other sibling is not nearby and is helpless and cannot be counted on for assistance. They didn't want to move near us (from where they have lived for 45+ years). I get that. So we paid the entry fee for them to get into a CCRC. They are living a luxury life (were frugal and lower MC all their lives, I ate free lunch at school for 4 years). They love where they are. If they fall or have medical issues---one was not able to sit up/get out of bed one night---other hit the pager/buzzer they keep on them and help was there in 1 minute and staff stays with them until ambulance arrives. Staff would have driven healthy parent to hospital if it was needed. So far they are good in independent living, but so nice to know that if/when they need additional care, they are guaranteed a spot and it will be a smooth transition---no waiting/searching for a nursing facility if they need surgery.
Also nice knowing they have transportation to the grocery store if needed and to doctor appt (for a fee for the doctor appt). Basically it's the four seasons of adult care, and I take comfort in knowing they will be taken care of despite me being 8-10 hours away from them.