Nanny is inattentive in public, what to do?

[Anonymous]

A few months ago, I went for a walk while working from home and ran into DS and nanny. Nanny was sitting on a bench, hunched over her phone, while DS played nearby (5 feet from a street). Nanny was so inattentive that she didn’t notice until I was almost right in front of her; DS saw me first. I reminded nanny the rule is no phone use when my kid is awake, especially in public and she said she understood.

Recently, DS said that at the playground, he played alone while nanny sat on a bench and looked at her phone. A few days later DS said he only “kind of” likes the library because he is alone. I asked where is nanny and he said “doing her thing”.

What would you do? We will likely be parting ways with nanny in a few months anyway.

[Anonymous]

I would get a new nanny

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is a no brainer.

[Anonymous]

I should mention that I’m sure he’s not actually alone at the library. He's probably playing by himself while she looks at her phone.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you just from interacting with nannies a lot via my work that this is 95% of all nannies in DC when they are out in public spaces with kids. At best what you get is a group of nannies who will get together and let their kids play and interact while the nannies socialize which at least doesn't involve phone use (though nannies certainly will still be on their phones during this time).

It's also extremely common for nannies to take children to under age 3 to activities meant for a caregiver and child to do together and for the nanny to just look at her phone and socialize with other nannies while the kids participate on their own (sometimes to the consternation of event teachers and organizers who are suddenly in charge of a group of 15 2 year olds with no other supervision -- I have seen librarians and others simply end events because such a large percentage of the kids are not being attended to by their caregivers and it just devolves into chaos.

This is not some anti-nanny position -- these are also the behaviors that most parents engage in when out with their kids (looking at phones or socializing with other adults). But it is a common complaint from parents who hire nannies and I do understand that part of the point of hiring a nanny is to pay them to interact with and play with your child and not just to be a disinterested supervisor in case your child needs immediate medical attention or to be fed or changed. But I can tell you it's very hard to find nannies who will put that level of effort in all the time and at least in DC the culture of nannies is that outings to parks and other public areas are sort of built in down time for them (I don't know what any of these nannies are like when supervising kids at home).

[Anonymous]

I would get a new nanny. And I’ll say, as a SAHM, this behavior is very common. I see lots of nannies on their phones - or chatting with their nanny friends - at the playground, etc., not paying attention to the children.

[Anonymous]

What do you expect, OP? Parents are on their phones most of the time as well. What you need is an intelligent human who can be on their phone occasionally, but still be conscious of risk in all situations. It's really difficult to find such people.

[Anonymous]

If get a new nanny.

Honesty, I have a nanny, and I know nannies are using their phones and talking to their friends at the playground. Newsflash: so am I when I take the kids to the playground! And it’s good for kids to play independently or with friends. But when a small child is five feet from the street to be that inattentive?? That’s a whole other ballgame.

[Anonymous]

She's leaving in a few months, and it sounds like your kid is old enough to be loosely supervised based on how you said he talks. So just let her leave in a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d get a new nanny.

Honesty, I have a nanny, and I know nannies are using their phones and talking to their friends at the playground. Newsflash: so am I when I take the kids to the playground! And it’s good for kids to play independently or with friends. But when a small child is five feet from the street to be that inattentive?? That’s a whole other ballgame.

PP - obviously should say I’d get a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If get a new nanny.

Honesty, I have a nanny, and I know nannies are using their phones and talking to their friends at the playground. Newsflash: so am I when I take the kids to the playground! And it’s good for kids to play independently or with friends. But when a small child is five feet from the street to be that inattentive?? That’s a whole other ballgame.

Sorry, that should say 15 feet, not 5! DS isn’t one to wander away and certainly not quickly, that’s why I let it go aside from the reminder.

I occasionally take DS to the park and library on my lunch break so I’m realistic about most nannies and parents looking at their phones. Non stop child care is a drag, so I don’t begrudge her a mental break. My concern is more that someone could abduct my child if she’s totally absorbed in her phone like she was the day I saw her on my walk.

DH thinks my concern is overblown and it’s not worth the trouble of hiring someone new to fill in for just a few months. We’ve had substitute nannies and aside from potentially less phone use, they weren’t as good as our nanny. DS loves her and when they’re at home, I always see her being engaged with no phone usage.

I’m able to take DS to the park and library myself, and could let our nanny do other stuff for that hour. It would mean my child wouldn’t get daily outings, though, because I sometimes am too busy with work to take a lunch break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If get a new nanny.

Honesty, I have a nanny, and I know nannies are using their phones and talking to their friends at the playground. Newsflash: so am I when I take the kids to the playground! And it’s good for kids to play independently or with friends. But when a small child is five feet from the street to be that inattentive?? That’s a whole other ballgame.

+1

She’s leaving in a few months, so maybe don’t get a new nanny but tell her that you still expect her not to use her phone. Even though I know we all do it, Nannie’s and parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, I went for a walk while working from home and ran into DS and nanny. Nanny was sitting on a bench, hunched over her phone, while DS played nearby (5 feet from a street). Nanny was so inattentive that she didn’t notice until I was almost right in front of her; DS saw me first. I reminded nanny the rule is no phone use when my kid is awake, especially in public and she said she understood.

Recently, DS said that at the playground, he played alone while nanny sat on a bench and looked at her phone. A few days later DS said he only “kind of” likes the library because he is alone. I asked where is nanny and he said “doing her thing”.

What would you do? We will likely be parting ways with nanny in a few months anyway.

In this day as and age when just about everyone over the age of 12 is addicted to their phones "no phones when child is awake" is ridiculous. I bet that you're on your phone all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If get a new nanny.

Honesty, I have a nanny, and I know nannies are using their phones and talking to their friends at the playground. Newsflash: so am I when I take the kids to the playground! And it’s good for kids to play independently or with friends. But when a small child is five feet from the street to be that inattentive?? That’s a whole other ballgame.

Sorry, that should say 15 feet, not 5! DS isn’t one to wander away and certainly not quickly, that’s why I let it go aside from the reminder.

I occasionally take DS to the park and library on my lunch break so I’m realistic about most nannies and parents looking at their phones. Non stop child care is a drag, so I don’t begrudge her a mental break. My concern is more that someone could abduct my child if she’s totally absorbed in her phone like she was the day I saw her on my walk.

DH thinks my concern is overblown and it’s not worth the trouble of hiring someone new to fill in for just a few months. We’ve had substitute nannies and aside from potentially less phone use, they weren’t as good as our nanny. DS loves her and when they’re at home, I always see her being engaged with no phone usage.

I’m able to take DS to the park and library myself, and could let our nanny do other stuff for that hour. It would mean my child wouldn’t get daily outings, though, because I sometimes am too busy with work to take a lunch break.

15' and you're having a fit! All three of my children knew by age 3 that the only way they could step into a street was holding the hand of an adult!