Facing reality when you are not invited

[Anonymous]

I generally have thick skin, but this graduation season has been eye opening. Families that we have socialized with, invited over to our home, live on the same street, and have known for over a decade have had graduation parties that we haven't been invited to. And then families and kids we like but don't interact with much have invited us, and that has been a lovely surprise and a lot of fun. This week has had me reevaluating friendships going forward, ie, I'll be stepping back from some for sure. My teenager has been stoic about it all. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

It's tough. Are you sure those aren't family-only parties?

[Anonymous]

My DD13’s closest friend unfriended her this year in a very abrupt and confrontational way, and then proceeded to invited everyone they know but her to a very public birthday party. So yeah, I totally get it.

[Anonymous]

Graduation parties are weird. I would never gauge friendships based on them.

[Anonymous]

As someone who just hosted a graduation party, I do not have the room or money to invite everyone I would like. I left off some of my best friends, because they don't really have a relationship with my graduate, and that's who the party is for. I let him invite lots of his friends, and then invited family and friends and people who have had a role in shaping his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD13’s closest friend unfriended her this year in a very abrupt and confrontational way, and then proceeded to invited everyone they know but her to a very public birthday party. So yeah, I totally get it.

That is petty and awful.

Also unrelated, but 3 of my DC’s good friends are leaving school, and I feel bad for DC. It’s hard sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I think graduation parties are not a good barometer of friendship. I did not invite my close friends. Did invite next door neighbors, family, the parents of friends of kid we don’t know well.

[Anonymous]

My kid is only in 9th grade but if we had a graduation party, I think I would invite family friends and family, not necessarily school friends and acquaintances.

I’m surprised parents are still getting upset about these things. I also have a 7th grader and both my 7th and 9th graders have their own lives and parents are mostly not involved minus driving and carpooling.

[Anonymous]

It's rarely smart to get offended about being not invited to a party.

It's hard to plan parties and there's a tendency to go by category until you reach capacity. Jim's family, Jill's family, the Soccer team, the summer job colleagues, the family you've been meaning to reciprocate socially for 10 months, blah blah. The most likely answer is they just got to capacity before they reached you. It doesn't mean they don't love you more than Soccer Team member #4.

It's just a party. Have them over another time.

To say nothing of sometimes I just forget. We're all busy. Party invitations are not an expression of how much someone values you.

[Anonymous]

You do not have a thick skin at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rarely smart to get offended about being not invited to a party.

It's hard to plan parties and there's a tendency to go by category until you reach capacity. Jim's family, Jill's family, the Soccer team, the summer job colleagues, the family you've been meaning to reciprocate socially for 10 months, blah blah. The most likely answer is they just got to capacity before they reached you. It doesn't mean they don't love you more than Soccer Team member #4.

It's just a party. Have them over another time.

To say nothing of sometimes I just forget. We're all busy. Party invitations are not an expression of how much someone values you.

Oh come on...graduation parties are generally open house type activities. There isn't exactly a strict limit as to how many people you can invite. No one arrives intending to be fed a complete meal with a placard by their seat. Neighbors not inviting friends from their own street would definitely make me re-evaluate that friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rarely smart to get offended about being not invited to a party.

It's hard to plan parties and there's a tendency to go by category until you reach capacity. Jim's family, Jill's family, the Soccer team, the summer job colleagues, the family you've been meaning to reciprocate socially for 10 months, blah blah. The most likely answer is they just got to capacity before they reached you. It doesn't mean they don't love you more than Soccer Team member #4.

It's just a party. Have them over another time.

To say nothing of sometimes I just forget. We're all busy. Party invitations are not an expression of how much someone values you.

Oh come on...graduation parties are generally open house type activities. There isn't exactly a strict limit as to how many people you can invite. No one arrives intending to be fed a complete meal with a placard by their seat. Neighbors not inviting friends from their own street would definitely make me re-evaluate that friendship.

I disagree. I have a large yard and don’t have to worry about budget and I don’t consider graduation parties an open house. They’re usually a different guest list than I would make on my own. Much more centered by graduate and their relationships, plus their friends. So they bump off people like neighbors. I’m not hosting unlimited people so at some point we can’t invite everyone

[Anonymous]

When we threw DS a graduation party it was just family, a few friends we've (the parents) have been friends with for 30+ years and are basically family, and some or DS' friends. We had to make a cut off somewhere or else the party would have been massive, which DS didn't want.

[Anonymous]

Your teenager sounds younger , correct?

[Anonymous]

Similar in a different way. When my daughter graduated, very few people I invited came to the party. Even some of those who RSVP'd yes didn't show. A lot of her classmates came so she had a great time, it was just me who was disappointed. I really read some of my friendships wrong and it's kept me from having other gatherings.

Fortunately, my son has no interest in a party, so we'll just do a family dinner.