Throwing best friends son a bday party overstepping in this situation?

[Anonymous]

My best friend since high school lives next door to me. Our kids are the same age, same class. Her mom is dying a really slow painful end and it's torturing her. Her sons bday is next week and he has been begging for a bday party (never had one- they're in preschool). I know it's too late for her to plan one and she is just too consumed with anticipatory grief to think about anything else.

Would it be overstepping if I had their few close friends from class over for a playdate and got balloons and a bday cake for her son?

[Anonymous]

No. It would be very nice.

[Anonymous]

Ask her. Tell her you would love to help celebrate his birthday, and offer a few suggestions.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a nice thought but everyone handles things differently. Talk to her before you plan anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her. Tell her you would love to help celebrate his birthday, and offer a few suggestions.

THIS!!!!!!! I would say would you like me to help YOU. Make it from her, not you. "your mom wanted to do this for you"

Don't make her feel pressured or guilt at the end

[Anonymous]

Ask her. Very kind offer.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a sweet idea. I would tell her I know she’s been (understandably) overwhelmed lately and that you’d love to organize a playdate with a few classmates so they can celebrate Larlo’s birthday and she how she feels about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her. Tell her you would love to help celebrate his birthday, and offer a few suggestions.

THIS!!!!!!! I would say would you like me to help YOU. Make it from her, not you. "your mom wanted to do this for you"

Don't make her feel pressured or guilt at the end

+1

[Anonymous]

I’d offer to host play date and cake and I’m sure he’ll feel like he had an awesome birthday and as long as you keep it simple it won’t be overstepping. Do ask her though. And consider getting those mini cupcakes instead of a cake. Unless he really, really wants a cake. But I’ve found the mini cupcakes are just much easier with the little ones!

[Anonymous]

I think that is a really lovely idea. Agree you should ask her if it's ok first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her. Tell her you would love to help celebrate his birthday, and offer a few suggestions.

THIS!!!!!!! I would say would you like me to help YOU. Make it from her, not you. "your mom wanted to do this for you"

Don't make her feel pressured or guilt at the end

Agree that you should ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a nice thought but everyone handles things differently. Talk to her before you plan anything.

+1

It's a nice thought but also be thoughtful because I could see someone doing this in a way that felt like a judgment. I know that's not how you mean it but it could be perceived that way depending on your personalities and relationship.

Also if she has ever indicated to you that you have a tendency to overstep or said things to you like "just let me deal with it" or similar -- you should be much more cautious and maybe find another way to support her.

On the surface this seems like a great idea but not knowing you or her I could see ways it could go wrong.

[Anonymous]

I think it is very nice. I would ask though. Low key and no gifts. I’d almost want to say Kids are coming over to play. Mind if we do for your sons birthday?

[Anonymous]

Not only should you ask but you must invite her (and her mother if physically able). Just saying because your original post sound like you were going to have the boys for a regular play date and then bust out a surprise cake and balloons.

Better yet really just offer to help her throw it for her own son. Offer your home or to clean her house or book a venue. Ask what kind of cake and snacks and what color decorations and pick them up. Let her own it and feel like she's doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a sweet idea. I would tell her I know she’s been (understandably) overwhelmed lately and that you’d love to organize a playdate with a few classmates so they can celebrate Larlo’s birthday and she how she feels about that.

+1