I miss my ex BFF and she would probably piss on my grave

[Anonymous]

Just getting this off my chest. A series of misunderstandings led to the end of a long friendship last year. It was the second most important relationship in my life.

I still miss her, even though at least I don’t think about her every day now. It’s like she died.

I know she hates me now and would probably piss on my grave if she had the opportunity. She nearly did. A few months ago I had seizures and nearly died while in another country and I had to use sheer willpower to not fall asleep. I thought about my spouse and the loss of this relationship. I tried to reach out to her after to see if maybe we could start to mend things, but it didn’t go well.

She probably won’t see this, but if she does, she will know it’s her.

I’m sorry for what happened. Hopefully seeing this doesn’t raise your ire. I know your life is stressful right now, and I wish you the best. I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

If it was really misunderstandings either this woman was already sort of done with/over you for other reasons or you were not as good of friends with her as you think -- was she the most important person to you, but you were like #5 in her world and somewhat overbearing? were the misunderstandings from you being sloppy, gossipy, or overreaching? If someone I valued as a best friend reached out being like "hey I almost died, sorry about everything etc." and then I opted to continue to not have them in my life, they really would have had to have pissed me off. Either that or she was trying to get rid of you being super clingy for a while and used these misunderstandings as the excuse to ditch you and not make herself look bad.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to respond without knowing what the misunderstandings were. But in general, it’s hard to lose a long-standing relationship so important to you.

[Anonymous]

I'm betting it was gossip. I think you should give it another few months and then reach out. She may realize your ethical mismatch doesn't make a good relationship and she's better off.

[Anonymous]

Move on! There will be other friends. I'm not sure how a woman is going to piss on your grave, logistically.

[Anonymous]

It's a serious loss, OP, and you should allow yourself time to grieve. You're right, it's like a death.

If something like that arises again with someone else, what would you do differently? And if you're sure you made mistakes, both of you might heal faster if you apologize formally.

"I never lose. Either I win or I learn" - Mandela.

[Anonymous]

All you can do is learn from the missteps you took that contributed to the friendship ending and do better in your future relationships.

I've been ditched too - it hurts. As time goes on you will think of her less and less, and when you do it'll hurt less.

[Anonymous]

Grieve the loss. Therapy might help. Move on.

[Anonymous]

It seems you have more to apologize for. A true apology is more than just words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was really misunderstandings either this woman was already sort of done with/over you for other reasons or you were not as good of friends with her as you think -- was she the most important person to you, but you were like #5 in her world and somewhat overbearing? were the misunderstandings from you being sloppy, gossipy, or overreaching? If someone I valued as a best friend reached out being like "hey I almost died, sorry about everything etc." and then I opted to continue to not have them in my life, they really would have had to have pissed me off. Either that or she was trying to get rid of you being super clingy for a while and used these misunderstandings as the excuse to ditch you and not make herself look bad.

I understand that I really did piss her off. I also came to realize that she had hated me for a while, and I was oblivious to that. It hurts to know it was so one-sided. I feel dumb.

When I reached out after making it back to the US, I didn’t say that I had almost died. She likely does not know about that at all. It didn’t seem right to tell her and ask her to do any emotional labor related to that.

This is all very specific, so maybe it is you. I understand you are still mad and may be forever. I didn’t mean to upset you again today, and I am sorry. I didn’t think you would see this post, which is why this isn’t in the relationships forum. I hope you find a good place to live, have the support you need, and friends that you like.

If you are not her, thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond as though you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on! There will be other friends. I'm not sure how a woman is going to piss on your grave, logistically.

Pretty sure she bought a she-wee, and she is the most determined person I’ve met, lol.

[Anonymous]

I lost a long lasting friend relationship too. I totally understand. I think about her every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems you have more to apologize for. A true apology is more than just words.

I do. But she had asked me not to message her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost a long lasting friend relationship too. I totally understand. I think about her every day.

How long ago? How have you been dealing with it?

[Anonymous]

Yeah I can see why she wants to getaway.