Emotional intelligence techniques

[Anonymous]

Something that’s really important for relationships but not taught in schools is emotional intelligence. It wasn’t until recently that I started working one my emotional intelligence and man it’s done wonders. I started getting into after reading some posts here.

Can you share some emotional intelligence techniques you use in relationships? A big one I see recommended here is slow fade for bad relationships. When you slow fade for instance, how do you go about doing it?

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna disagree with the premise of your post. A "slow fade" is for folx who don't have the emotional intelligence + empathy to have a conversation about whatever it is they need to slow-fade away from. If you have an otherwise functional relationship (friendship, business dealings, romantic relationship, "mom friend", whatever), and it's naturally aging out of prime space in your friend list, it does so organically. You don't have to "slow fade", you just notice, with gratitude, that Timmy and Tommy don't play together so much anymore, and you move about your day.

A calculated "slow fade" is usually done by cowards in place of having the emotional intelligence and intellectual skill to acknowledge there's a problem and address it. "I don't like how Steve chews, so I'm gonna slow fade" isn't emotionally smart so much as confrontation averse and/or incapable of dealing with one's own discomforts.

Please give an example of how a slow fade is the preferred, emotionally intelligent way of handling anything.

[Anonymous]

WTF is this post actually about? We just had a "slow fade" post a few days ago.

I agree that the slow fade can be useful in some situations, but I would hesitate to say it is "emotionally intelligent" or that it is something folks pull out of their bag of "emotional intelligence techniques." That doesn't even make sense.

Tell us what your real issue is.

[Anonymous]

Slow fade might be if you are in danger. Why would you do that in a healthy relationship though that you had obvious differences on and needed to cut ties?

[Anonymous]

As an example my ex wanted to move overseas and didn't want to marry for another three years but wanted me to come to another country with him. We broke up and remained friends. I didn't need to do a slow fade.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for that example. It is widely relatable.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to do more reading.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to do more reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something that’s really important for relationships but not taught in schools is emotional intelligence. It wasn’t until recently that I started working one my emotional intelligence and man it’s done wonders. I started getting into after reading some posts here.

Can you share some emotional intelligence techniques you use in relationships? A big one I see recommended here is slow fade for bad relationships. When you slow fade for instance, how do you go about doing it?

Don't argue when either of you feel hungry, tired, sad, sleepless or with other people. Discuss things in private and in calm mood.

Give kindness and priority to your spouse, there is nobody or nothing is more important than your life partner.

Your careers are there to support your family, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Don't ever be cruel or demeaning, if really upset and frustrated, say you need time to think and respond calmly. One time someone feels belittled, love cracks and even if you apologize, crack is just glued, not gone.

[Anonymous]

I think of techniques such as

*taking a step back and figuring out if you are reacting based on triggered insecurities
*putting yourself in the other person's shoes
*assuming positive intent, and stating that when you bring up your issues

I would categorize a "slow fade" as a technique for dealing with someone whom you've determined can't be a healthy friend or partner for you. You're not really using your emotional intelligence at this point because you've determined that it's not safe to be vulnerable with this person.

[Anonymous]

I think having clear boundaries and clear yet kind communication are examples of EQ.