Responding to distant siblings who tell you when to visit parents

[Anonymous]

I am one of four children, and the only one who lives near our parents, who are in their 90s. My siblings are far-flung; I do not expect them to fly in for medical emergencies, and there have been a few; and I'm sure they are doing all they can from where they are. We've had huge disagreements over whether my parents should stay in their home (my preference) or move to a senior community (they moved--probably safer, but...the move was traumatic). Relations are frayed right now.
My siblings are very quick to tell me what to do, or more precisely to tell me what I am failing at doing:
"You should visit once a day--just pop by"; "Take the car keys"; "Call the Smith family and see if they will visit."
I don't want to snap at my siblings --"Why don't YOU do it?" but I often end up doing that. Suggestions welcome. After mom and dad die, I probably won't talk to two of them again. That's the way I feel now, anyway.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell them if they think it's appropriate, to go ahead and take care of it. You are doing as much as you can but if they think its a good idea, feel free to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell them if they think it's appropriate, to go ahead and take care of it. You are doing as much as you can but if they think it's a good idea, feel free to handle it.

I don't talk to my sibling after my dad died. My mom supported the siblings poor behavior so we have little contact too.

[Anonymous]

I think you're doing fine. Saying you're unable to, but they're welcome if they consider it necessary, is appropriate. It's always best to just communicate. Somehow a lot of people seem to expect certain behavior instead of talking it through.

[Anonymous]

If at all possible, just ignore whatever they say. Yes yes ok sure and just move on.

[Anonymous]

“The ones that contribute the less should not complain the most.”

I don’t expect my siblings to help esp when I’m the closest nearby & have more time(semi retired) - but I do shut down any complaints, no problem telling them to knock themselves out, more help the better.
So don’t feel bad, they’re adults, no need to sugar coat.

[Anonymous]

^ contribute the least

[Anonymous]

I’d love to know why this happens, but it does. You’re doing your best. When they live closer (that’ll never happen) they can step up. Till then you can ignore them or just be non-committal and say you’ll think about it. They should be thanking you, but probably won’t.

[Anonymous]

“I’m doing what I can. You’re welcome to add what you can to help them, but I have to work around my own commitments too.”

[Anonymous]

I would just type back "so easy for you to say from Alaska!"