Anyone coping with multiple kids and a spouse, all with attention issues?

[Anonymous]

Evenings are a nightmare, meds wear off and everyone is tired. I don't think I have ADD myself but it is getting really hard to cope at times. The constant interuptions and need for redirection makes it hard for ME to accomplish anything. One son also has SPD and texture issues, he'd dawdle at dinner for hours if we'd let him. We really need to push the food since his med often cause weight/growth issues and that combo of issues makes me really stressed. He gets sillier when he tries to avoid eating and that sets off the rest of the crew. Any ideas/schedules/resources to how to deal most effectively? Everyone could benefit from a more ordely and scheduled existance but my attempts keep getting swamped. Hoping school starting back up will help. We are having a staycation this week and I feel like I am losing my mind.

[Anonymous]

Wait - are you me?

Two out of three of my kids have attention issues, as does my DH. There are days when I feel like I am the only functioning brain in the house. High stress points for me are also dinner time, and during the school year that is compounded by homework time. Things that help me are seeing a therapist, understanding that what I am doing IS in fact incredibly stressful and hard, and trying to keep a sense of humor. A good diet, sleep and working out help too. Also, I have taken anti-anxiety meds to help with my anxiety levels and panic attacks that come when I get too overwhelmed. Make no mistake, you are steering the ship here, and that is a huge job. Try posting this on the special needs forum as well, you will probably get some kind words and good ideas. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

PP here - I realize that I didn't really answer your question. I try to maintain some sort of schedule, starting with the basics (breakfast, getting dressed, walking the dog), then make a plan for the day like going to the library, the park, something pretty simple. Then lunch and then I try to get them outside to run around. Occasionally I break down and we do tv late in the day, but I actually find that winds them up more. Dinner is tough, but once I get the bath bed routine going it's not too bad. I also make sure to tell everyone the daily plan like a hundred times, so that they can focus on the plan, and not rolling around on the floor. btw, mine are 11, 8 and 5.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. Mine are on the younger side so maybe there is hope for us yet.

I have a schedule and recently started using a timer. I feel horrible but I often split the kids up to eat if things are spiraling down - 1 in the dining room, 1 at the island and 1 at the kitchen table. If the ones with food issues don't eat I may just do Carnation later and try to keep dinner to a schedule. Otherwise it can spin out over the whole evening. Every time I read about how important family dinner is I am an anxious mess for the day. Trying to just get the food in and as time permits do some of that talking while taking a walk or riding bikes after dinner.

It is sooooo hard. It's like living in a loony bin at times. When the meds all wear off it's just chaos. One day at a time and all that. Did you find a therapist knowledgeable about ADD? I wonder if there is something like an ADD family coach?

[Anonymous]

I started to post earlier in the day by my ADHD DH kept calling me about the most trivial things (poor impulse control) and then I got pulled into a meeting. I could have written every post here except my kids are 7, 5, 4. Two of them have ADHD, primarily inattentive and impulsive just like DH.

My first bit of advice is to be kind to yourself. You have got an incredibly full plate and those who don't live with ADHD (or SN) have no idea what a challenge your life is and how your energy and intentions get eroded from the constant management of your household. If you haven't already, stop trying to maintain the standards you had before kids. They are no longer sustainable. Identify what the important things are, focus on those and if you get to the other things, good but if you don't, don't worry about it. Sure, everyone sitting around a table is nice but the important thing is eating a nutritious meal. Sure, we need to teach our kids about the criticality of delayed gratification but with ADHD people, that's extremely difficult. They need an immediate impact. So, get them something small to fulfill that need while keeping their eyes on the bigger prize.

I hope your DH is okay with lists and assignments. If my DH wasn't, we'd have been divorced long ago. Without a list, at the first distraction, he's forgotten whatever the priority was. If you haven't already, check out CHADD.org. There are local chapters and I've benefitted immensely from the monthly meetings and regional conferences. They also have an amazing monthly magazine. What I've learned about how to approach homework is worth the membership fee ten times over. Getting an ADHD coach isn't a bad idea. You can referrals from CHADD - but your DH has to be willing. Check out this link for some in NOVA http://adhdgrp.tripod.com/adhdresourcegroup/id19.html . Finally, you might want to consider getting the book, Is it You, Me or ADHD? http://adhdgrp.tripod.com/adhdresourcegroup/id19.html At least you'll see you're not alone and there is some comfort with that.

You're doing a great job! Take care of yourself and get the down time you need!

[Anonymous]

As I'm getting pulled away by my ADHD crew, all I have time to say is that I could've been the OP, too.
Therapy, medication (for everyone) and a very strict schedule. Best wishes with your circus, because mine needs their ring leader back now!