IS kindness expected in elementary school?

[Anonymous]

Hi, first time poster here. I have a quick question. My 6th grader who is a regular tween has been having interactions all year that are in my opinion unacceptable. Staff is repeatedly rude to her and her peers. I have witnessed it on three occasions (teacher was rude to other children) and have a dozen more stories i have heard from my kid and two have been corroborated by the administration. I have also heard the stories from her classmates at out of school events and gatherings. SO i know this is happening. I have also had experiences with her teacher specifically that in my opinion was extremely rude. I am just wondering if my expectations are too high.

if you heard the way the staff including the assistant principals speak to these kids blindfolded you would think they are talking to inmates. They often yell (A LOT) and single kids out in front of the classroom for things that shouldn't be an issue. I understand that teachers and school staff are dealing with kids and it is stressful. I understand that there are a lot of these kids they have to deal with but is it too much to expect that the staff engage with them with a little kindness and respect? Is it too much for the teachers to engage with the parents with some professionalism?

[Anonymous]

Can you give some examples?

[Anonymous]

I think when managing a room with up to 30 kids, it’s not unreasonable that the teachers will sound brusque or rude to a parent’s ears. They have to be tough to maintain control of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

These are 6th graders in the final weeks of their last year in elementary school? Between the hormones, the elementary version of senioritis, and everyone’s sense of being D-O-N-E, they are absolutely feral at this point in the school year. Be glad your kid’s teacher and administrators are only using their voices and not whips and chairs to keep the unruly beasts in line.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to tell you straight out: If you were trying to manage a classroom for months, and you'd been disrespected again and again and again, you, too, might talk to children the same way. They are relentless and no one, no one is giving any consequences that matter. I'm talking about kids who regularly refer to other students with the N word (and not talking about how some black kids call each other that in an semi affectionate way, I'm talking about white kids who, quite honestly, are total di#ks.). I'm talking about 6th graders who are openly sexually harassing each other. I'm talking about 2nd graders calling the substitutes "fu$%ers". All day, every day. You'd lose it too.

[Anonymous]

What PPs describe is true. But also, yes, you can and should expect adults to be role models. You are not always going to get that in a large public school. Sometimes it's just about survival.

Some adults handle it well; others not so much. The not so much ones were too much for my youngest, so we moved him to a small private school, where no adults have reason to scream at kids in the hallways on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

I was just saying the other day, to other parents at my child's school, that the tone and words that the teachers use to speak to the kids is shocking to me. If I spoke to my co-workers that way, or if my boss spoke to me that way, we'd consider it a "toxic" workplace. Yes, it's because the teachers are overworked and underpaid. But it's still true that our kids have to live with being spoken to in angry, disrespectful, and frankly mocking ways all day long at school. I would be incredibly stressed by the time I got home if I were one of the kids (or teachers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when managing a room with up to 30 kids, it’s not unreasonable that the teachers will sound brusque or rude to a parent’s ears. They have to be tough to maintain control of the classroom.

They don't have to say to first graders, "MAKE A LINE! I SAID MAKE A *STRAIGHT* LINE! Do you people not know what a straight line is? How old are you? 6? 7? You need to KNOW this, people. You are too old to know know how to make a straight line. Make a line and then sit down on your bottoms. ON YOUR BOTTOMS." All said at a yell or a near-yell, all in an angry and mocking tone, when the stakes were near-zero. They were sitting down in the library for a story time. They were not, in fact, in a straight line. It was a wobbly line. And it was completely fine that it was not a STRAIGHT line. But I watched all but one first grade teacher at my child's school nearly lose their mind over the straightness or lack of straightness of those lines, berating the children the whole time.

[Anonymous]

I definitely lose my cool sometimes But I have colleagues who border on abusive sometimes. I’ve talked to admin about it. Sometimes there’s improvement for a while, but usually not there’s no one to fill out the positions. There’s not much they can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when managing a room with up to 30 kids, it’s not unreasonable that the teachers will sound brusque or rude to a parent’s ears. They have to be tough to maintain control of the classroom.

They don't have to say to first graders, "MAKE A LINE! I SAID MAKE A *STRAIGHT* LINE! Do you people not know what a straight line is? How old are you? 6? 7? You need to KNOW this, people. You are too old to know know how to make a straight line. Make a line and then sit down on your bottoms. ON YOUR BOTTOMS." All said at a yell or a near-yell, all in an angry and mocking tone, when the stakes were near-zero. They were sitting down in the library for a story time. They were not, in fact, in a straight line. It was a wobbly line. And it was completely fine that it was not a STRAIGHT line. But I watched all but one first grade teacher at my child's school nearly lose their mind over the straightness or lack of straightness of those lines, berating the children the whole time.

Yeah, okay, that's not okay. There's something else going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when managing a room with up to 30 kids, it’s not unreasonable that the teachers will sound brusque or rude to a parent’s ears. They have to be tough to maintain control of the classroom.

They don't have to say to first graders, "MAKE A LINE! I SAID MAKE A *STRAIGHT* LINE! Do you people not know what a straight line is? How old are you? 6? 7? You need to KNOW this, people. You are too old to know know how to make a straight line. Make a line and then sit down on your bottoms. ON YOUR BOTTOMS." All said at a yell or a near-yell, all in an angry and mocking tone, when the stakes were near-zero. They were sitting down in the library for a story time. They were not, in fact, in a straight line. It was a wobbly line. And it was completely fine that it was not a STRAIGHT line. But I watched all but one first grade teacher at my child's school nearly lose their mind over the straightness or lack of straightness of those lines, berating the children the whole time.

Yeah, okay, that's not okay. There's something else going on here.

My guess is micromanaging admin team. The equate perfect line with learning so this is the school climate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when managing a room with up to 30 kids, it’s not unreasonable that the teachers will sound brusque or rude to a parent’s ears. They have to be tough to maintain control of the classroom.

They don't have to say to first graders, "MAKE A LINE! I SAID MAKE A *STRAIGHT* LINE! Do you people not know what a straight line is? How old are you? 6? 7? You need to KNOW this, people. You are too old to know know how to make a straight line. Make a line and then sit down on your bottoms. ON YOUR BOTTOMS." All said at a yell or a near-yell, all in an angry and mocking tone, when the stakes were near-zero. They were sitting down in the library for a story time. They were not, in fact, in a straight line. It was a wobbly line. And it was completely fine that it was not a STRAIGHT line. But I watched all but one first grade teacher at my child's school nearly lose their mind over the straightness or lack of straightness of those lines, berating the children the whole time.

Yeah, okay, that's not okay. There's something else going on here.

My guess is micromanaging admin team. The equate perfect line with learning so this is the school climate.

I'm the parent who posted. That makes sense with what we hear from teachers. I don't think most of them get along with the principal. I have no idea whether she cares about straight lines, but I suspect it's a hard environment to work in, unless you're one of her favorties.