How do you cope with the loneliness?

[Anonymous]

I feel so alone all the time.

It’s nearly impossible for me to make plans outside the house except during very limited windows of time when I have childcare (and even then, they can get cancelled last minute because the caregiver doesn’t show up).

I don’t actually know any other mothers in person who have kids with SN. But even if I did, my DS is so all consuming that he takes all my energy on outings or at home. I can’t imagine how I’d ever do a play date.

We can’t go to family events because my DS has such severe behavior issues. I always end up having to leave early or alone outside with my DS while everyone else enjoys the meal or whatever.

I feel so miserable and lonely. I feel like I have no friends. Other moms of kids with SN seem just as burnt out as I am and have zero time. And my friends with NT kids don’t understand and always say hurtful
Things inadvertently.

The weekends are the worst and time seems to stop. Every day feels like a month.

God I’m just so incredibly sad tonight.

How do you have real life friends?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you are going through this. How old is your child? Do you have a partner? If you can’t do evenings, try to arrange a week day lunch once month.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child, what are the SN and do you have a partner/spouse?

[Anonymous]

I have some pretty solitary hobbies that help and my partner and I spend a lot of time together. It’s easier now that my kids are older because some are good company as well. But the loneliness is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are going through this. How old is your child? Do you have a partner? If you can’t do evenings, try to arrange a week day lunch once month.

Op here. He is 6. I have a partner but I cannot count on him and he has a lot of problems. I don’t want to get into the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have some pretty solitary hobbies that help and my partner and I spend a lot of time together. It’s easier now that my kids are older because some are good company as well. But the loneliness is real.

Op here. What are your hobbies?

[Anonymous]

I have a dog I walk and a front garden I work in, both things I can do spontaneously while my kid is home and happy with my partner--no planning or babysitter required. Those two things mean I have gotten to know a lot of my neighbors and have the chance to just chat with other adults multiple times a week. I live in a dense rowhouse neighborhood in DC, which helps a ton.

Is it close friendship and fun outings? No. But I also have a sister out of state with a SN kid. We text constantly and see each other a couple times a year. Between that close but geographically distant relationship and my casual but in-person neighbor friends, I do okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have some pretty solitary hobbies that help and my partner and I spend a lot of time together. It’s easier now that my kids are older because some are good company as well. But the loneliness is real.

Op here. What are your hobbies?

I work with glass - stained glass, kiln formed, and mosaics primarily and I am uncharacteristically prolific during hard periods.

[Anonymous]

Agree on weekday lunches! There are friendships that I have kept up solely this way. Or just do anything restorative with your lunch hour (or half hour). Drink a smoothie while taking a walk somewhere nice. Agree tho, weekends are super hard

[Anonymous]

Op I’m sorry this is so hard. I think you need to maybe either have each parent take him for the day in turns so you can do fun things with your other kids if you have or alone if not. Like, a whole day each. I’m not sure what kind of SN you have in play but maybe an au pair or a SN nanny for a few hours each weekend? I’d plan on having one night out you and your spouse every couple weeks but you need good childcare. And you will make friends. It won’t always be like this. Do you have other kids? I have friends from my other kids and my kid was HELL at 5, 6, and is pretty easy at 12, although he still has many needs. They change and grow.

[Anonymous]

Are you local? Can you take him to activities like KEEN and Snugs where other people will work with him and you get a break? Can you apply for respite services from the Arc or from Jill's House?

[Anonymous]

H

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you local? Can you take him to activities like KEEN and Snugs where other people will work with him and you get a break? Can you apply for respite services from the Arc or from Jill's House?

Op here. I’m not local. We do qualify for 11 hours per week of respite but the hours get filled appropriately 1/4 of the time and I never really know if the provider will show up until they are physically here. And then generally I am so behind on literally every aspect of administering my life that it’s not restorative-I have to use that time to tend to a bunch of other critical issues.

[Anonymous]

Can you meet friends at a playground? Fenced in playground if need be. Even if you only did this twice a month it would be some adult interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree on weekday lunches! There are friendships that I have kept up solely this way. Or just do anything restorative with your lunch hour (or half hour). Drink a smoothie while taking a walk somewhere nice. Agree tho, weekends are super hard

Op here. I’m introverted and generally do ok on my own but lately it’s just been too much alone time, or time caregiving children and not enough adults. I recently quit my job and my childcare infrastructure has fallen apart because we don’t have money like before. It’s all kind of a mess.