Need advice for an Extreme introvert

[Anonymous]

Our 12yo is someone who is a very much on the extreme end of being an introvert. Really just wants to live alone in the woods away from civilization.

So as you can imagine, being in school very much goes against their natural inclination.

My question is, how much should I insist on engaging them - socially, and in activities?

Even things like music lessons, and camps and activities that are geared toward their natural interests are met with strong opposition. And apart from school, rarely makes time for friends. Prefers to read or just relax.

[Anonymous]

Do you think this is social anxiety, not introversion?

I am very much an introvert and need a fair amount of alone time to recharge. But I don't have an anxiety about interacting with colleagues, friends, small talk with sales people, etc. It's important to differentiate if this is a energy thing, or an anxiety thing.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry too much about this if your kid is not refusing to attend school. If you start having school refusal, that’s different.

I’m an extreme introvert and living alone in the woods sounds wonderful. Going to school might be all of the social interaction your kid needs and can be more draining than you can imagine. I went to a sleep away camp around that age and being around people 24/7 was terrible. I hated it.

I am a functioning adult with a job, friends and family. I just really prefer time alone to anything social with people.

Does your kid have any hobbies or things they enjoy? Biking, gardening, art, jewelry making, running… not everything has to be a class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is social anxiety, not introversion?

I am very much an introvert and need a fair amount of alone time to recharge. But I don't have an anxiety about interacting with colleagues, friends, small talk with sales people, etc. It's important to differentiate if this is a energy thing, or an anxiety thing.

It is 100 percent introversion. I mean, there’s some anxiety around being around other people, but there is zero desire to engage, and zero f’s given for looking like an oddball or an outsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry too much about this if your kid is not refusing to attend school. If you start having school refusal, that’s different.

I’m an extreme introvert and living alone in the woods sounds wonderful. Going to school might be all of the social interaction your kid needs and can be more draining than you can imagine. I went to a sleep away camp around that age and being around people 24/7 was terrible. I hated it.

I am a functioning adult with a job, friends and family. I just really prefer time alone to anything social with people.

Does your kid have any hobbies or things they enjoy? Biking, gardening, art, jewelry making, running… not everything has to be a class.

Hobbies include reading, drawing, making “natural” art, and just sitting in and exploring nature. Also likes doing things with our family, like camping, hiking, traveling (to woods forests, remote beaches)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry too much about this if your kid is not refusing to attend school. If you start having school refusal, that’s different.

I’m an extreme introvert and living alone in the woods sounds wonderful. Going to school might be all of the social interaction your kid needs and can be more draining than you can imagine. I went to a sleep away camp around that age and being around people 24/7 was terrible. I hated it.

I am a functioning adult with a job, friends and family. I just really prefer time alone to anything social with people.

Does your kid have any hobbies or things they enjoy? Biking, gardening, art, jewelry making, running… not everything has to be a class.

Do you mind if I ask what type of job you have? I’m worried about this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry too much about this if your kid is not refusing to attend school. If you start having school refusal, that’s different.

I’m an extreme introvert and living alone in the woods sounds wonderful. Going to school might be all of the social interaction your kid needs and can be more draining than you can imagine. I went to a sleep away camp around that age and being around people 24/7 was terrible. I hated it.

I am a functioning adult with a job, friends and family. I just really prefer time alone to anything social with people.

Does your kid have any hobbies or things they enjoy? Biking, gardening, art, jewelry making, running… not everything has to be a class.

Do you mind if I ask what type of job you have? I’m worried about this as well.

Ironically enough, I’m a teacher. I’m a career switcher and changed to this later from being in the tech world. I enjoy my job but being around kids all day takes everything out of me. I don’t want to do anything social in the evenings, weekends or summer, ever. It’s a strain to make small talk on the sidelines of my own kid’s games. I’m that parent sitting away from the crowd on the bleachers in my own chair with my hood on. I married an extrovert who talks to everyone and I have no problem if he goes out and does social things without me.

Do not worry about a career for your 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

My kid is like this. He loves reading, drawing, chess and coding and could occupy his weekend that way. He does play 2 seasons of a rec sport and has friends there and mentions some at school but he rarely wants to hang out with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ironically enough, I’m a teacher.

I think there are more closet introverts in teaching than many people expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ironically enough, I’m a teacher.

I think there are more closet introverts in teaching than many people expect.

Maybe parents are surprised but I am very open about this to the students - teens. It’s good for them to see all types and that people they know that are normal, well functioning and nice humans are not social butterflies. I like teaching and talking to them. I also like having lunch alone at my desk.

[Anonymous]

My son, now in college, has always been like this. He was diagnosed with autism at 17, meaning it's more like Asperger's: milder, higher-functioning type, but that diagnosis was taken out of the official psychiatric diagnostic list and just rolled into autism.

While these kids and adults are perfectly happy on their own, they don't realize that jobs are primarily obtained through networking, and that sometimes when bad things happen, friends can be so helpful! So within the bounds of what's possible, parents of such kids really have to insist on social skill development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ironically enough, I’m a teacher.

I think there are more closet introverts in teaching than many people expect.

I’m another one and posted about my kid upthread 😂

[Anonymous]

Recommend you read the book Quite. Seriously, order it now.

[Anonymous]

One kid is like this. So I am I. Some people are introverts.

Work wears me out. I just want to stay home on weekends. Daughter is the same. I have stopped asking her if she wants to do activities. She doesn't want to. She has enough interaction at school. Other kid is the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is social anxiety, not introversion?

I am very much an introvert and need a fair amount of alone time to recharge. But I don't have an anxiety about interacting with colleagues, friends, small talk with sales people, etc. It's important to differentiate if this is a energy thing, or an anxiety thing.

I am an introvert and I don't think this is at all social anxiety. I prefer to be home. School is enough for a kid like this. They are interacting all day.
I don't have anxiety about doing what you describe but I don't want to do it in my free time.