How much do you interfere for grading?

[Anonymous]

I have a 9th grader and he just came home saying he had a bad day. He gave a group presentation and seems the teacher thought him and another kid was giggling in a “serious” presentation. So the 2 out of 4 kids got 0 out of 30 points. Right now he’s still probably barely hanging on to an A.…just around 90% after this hit to grades I think.

My son insists he wasn’t laughing and just had his back turned cause he is a fidgeter and prob trying to hide his fidgeting behavior when his team mates were presenting. This is fairly normal behavior for him, but this is the first time a teacher just knocked and entire grade off to zero for behavior. Maybe he wanted to set an example? I can understand 50% but this seems a bit harsh. Especially my son is adamant he wasn’t laughing which is why teacher reprimanded him.

If grades weren’t so important in high school I would just let it go. But finals are coming up and that 3% off of his grade may just make a huge difference in A vs B. He has a B in his math class but he deserves it because he wasn’t understanding the concepts. This type of grading behavior from teacher is more concerning to me since it’s just subjective.

So…should I email the teacher about this incident or just let it go? I told my son it’s a life lesson where he’s got to learn to manage up, or seriously watch himself whenever he encounters such hard ass teachers. On the other hand, I’m very tempted to write the teacher to find out what happened or at least let him know about his fidgety behavior (which was also helpful with another teacher last year). WWYD?

[Anonymous]

The kid should email the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your kid go talk to the teacher and explain? That should be your first instinct. Mommies don’t need to email the high school teacher unless something really really egregious happens.

[Anonymous]

I would start with letting the kid try to handle it with the teacher. If he gets nowhere, then, yes, I'd follow up with the teacher and ask her what happened.

My kid is a sophomore, he has handled everything on his own since he was in middle school - doesn't want my input. But this year one of his teachers was being especially ridiculous about a 0 she had given him, which would have made his end of semester grade a B instead of an A. (Note at my kid's HS semester grades are not averaged together for a final grade in each class. Semester grades count toward GPA.)

He tried talking with her. Then I emailed. No dice. And I took it to the head of the department. The 0 was changed to the grade he earned and deserved.

It was a PE class, and I realize it hardly matters in terms of college admissions or whatever. But to me it was also the the principle of the thing. I wanted my kid to know when things aren't fair, you stick up for yourself.

No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Since 4th grade the teachers and administrators have stressed “self advocacy” to adnauseum. There’s no way a parent should interfere in high school unless there was something much, much bigger than a 0 for allegedly giggling. Teach your DC now to go to a teacher humbly and explain their position apologetically. Please let your high schooler handle it. Drop the helicopter 🚁.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since 4th grade the teachers and administrators have stressed “self advocacy” to adnauseum. There’s no way a parent should interfere in high school unless there was something much, much bigger than a 0 for allegedly giggling. Teach your DC now to go to a teacher humbly and explain their position apologetically. Please let your high schooler handle it. Drop the helicopter 🚁.

This. Or ask if there are opportunities for extra credit to compensate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since 4th grade the teachers and administrators have stressed “self advocacy” to adnauseum. There’s no way a parent should interfere in high school unless there was something much, much bigger than a 0 for allegedly giggling. Teach your DC now to go to a teacher humbly and explain their position apologetically. Please let your high schooler handle it. Drop the helicopter 🚁.

Please, do the opposite. The teacher should fix HER/HIS mistake or be reported. DS/you should be initially polite, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

Your kid is gaslighting you. If he won’t bother to email the teacher himself, let him live with the zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since 4th grade the teachers and administrators have stressed “self advocacy” to adnauseum. There’s no way a parent should interfere in high school unless there was something much, much bigger than a 0 for allegedly giggling. Teach your DC now to go to a teacher humbly and explain their position apologetically. Please let your high schooler handle it. Drop the helicopter 🚁.

OP again. My son already had given up earlier. He said he tried to explain but he didn’t believe him. I did say, you should try to explain to him what happened but he didn’t say anything and didn’t really feel like fighting the fight. I’ve only ever emailed a teacher once since middle school so I don’t like to meddle. Even during the one year when his history teacher told him to wait during this access period to grade his homework during Covid times and my son sat there for 45min and teacher never showed… and several other incidents that still landed my son a B because the teacher was not clear or didn’t show… I didn’t interfere.

This is the one time I feel like he did the work, grades actually counts and the teacher was over reacting that I’m even thinking about this. I’ll try talking to my son again when he feels less down about the whole thing. Most teachers are good. But sad to say there are really bad teachers and our kids are the ones who needs to deal with them and they are not always able to advocate to those teachers…especially one that gives you an F for potentially laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

Your kid is gaslighting you. If he won’t bother to email the teacher himself, let him live with the zero.

Not true. He does email his other teachers who are responsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

Your kid is gaslighting you. If he won’t bother to email the teacher himself, let him live with the zero.

This. Your son tells you about it but isn't willing to stand up for himself. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

Your kid is gaslighting you. If he won’t bother to email the teacher himself, let him live with the zero.

Not true. He does email his other teachers who are responsive.

Then he shouldn’t have a problem emailing the teacher. Even if the teacher doesn’t respond as he suspects, he’ll at least have done his part.

You’re too trusting of your son, OP.

[Anonymous]

Don’t email the teacher. If your kid felt strongly about this, he could go see the teacher in person instead of emailing. You said yourself he turned around and faced backwards during the presentation to avoid showing fidgeting. For all you know, there was more to it since our kids never tell us the 100% accurate truth. Maybe turning around during a presentation was the reason for the lower grade. Either way, it’s high school. Mom needs to stay out of it for the grading on a presentation she didn’t witness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid should email the teacher.

OP here. I did suggest he email him. But he said he never reads his emails. He also told me not to bother emailing him, again cause he never responds to emails.

Umm. . . Because if you email the teacher she’s going to tell you he was definitely laughing. You have you answer.