Going Part Time as SN Mom

[Anonymous]

After a very difficult multi-year saga we have finally gotten diagnoses for my child - ASD, ADHD, Dyslexia, and gotten them into a supportive private school. The school is small and does not have before or after care. I’m realizing I have to scale back and go to part time in order to make our new situation work.

I have all kinds of mixed emotions about this. It has to be me because DH makes more and has clients on the west coast so he can’t do afternoon pickups.

It wouldn’t be forever. There’s good reason to believe child may be able to transition to a supportive program in our local high school.

It would be for 3 years. Then I could likely transition back to full time.

It’s rough to go part time on top of paying for private school tuition. Other families we’ve befriended have nannies to handle pick up. So we are going to end up paying either way.

This is the right choice. It’s just hard. I never thought I’d be the kind of person whose self worth was tied up in job stuff but this one is tough.

[Anonymous]

If the money works out to hire someone, I'd try that first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the money works out to hire someone, I'd try that first.

It doesn’t. I don’t make that much. I’m in the education field myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the money works out to hire someone, I'd try that first.

It doesn’t. I don’t make that much. I’m in the education field myself.

The fact that you are in education changes my calculus (not the PP, by the way). If you can easily go down to a .6 (or whatever you need) and then back up to a 1.0 in a few years, that probably is the best choice.

If you are in a field that punishes this sort of thing, the math might break differently.

[Anonymous]

The hardest part is making the decision. Once you do it, you may look back and have less angst about it than you anticipated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you know this is the best choice for your family- I am in the same situation more or less. I’m just glad we can do it. I’ve been trying the FT work thing and this child just needs more of my time and attention than others and this is the time I’m needed most.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we will likely need to reduce contributions to retirement for a few years. We are in our late 40s. This is with help from grandparents for private SN school tuition. I don’t really see a way around it.

Has anybody else done this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we will likely need to reduce contributions to retirement for a few years. We are in our late 40s. This is with help from grandparents for private SN school tuition. I don’t really see a way around it.

Has anybody else done this?

OP, I considered quitting last year when going through a very rough patch with my son, who is much younger than yours. Financially it would have been a big sacrifice for our family. In the end, I took some time off from work to get things in order and went back to my job. My son has lots of therapies, and grandparents pitch in to drive him while I’m working.

So much of the equation is personal based on your finances and job. I don’t have the type of job I can easily return to in 3 years. Will you inherit money? Is a few years of lower 401k contributions detrimental? Can you hire less expensive childcare, like an au pair or a local
College student, to help fill in the gaps instead of quitting, if only to keep your benefits and 401k on track?

[Anonymous]

I did. I stayed at my current job but asked for an hours reduction. This allows me to work during the school day with a little occasional extra after the kids are asleep. My kids are both completely worn out after a full day of school and trying to behave. Aftercare every day would simply be too much. We have not had much luck with babysitters and I enjoy the extra time with my kids. It has meant staying in the same role for years, which of course is a trade off. For me it’s fine. I can’t imagine dealing with all the appointments and therapy otherwise and I preferred to do the childcare myself rather than managing a nanny and going through the hassle of potentially needing to try multiple to have a good fit.

We are ok financially without the additional money so my situation is a little different than yours. Can you find ways to trim your budget so things aren’t so tight? We live a lifestyle that is considerably below what you might expect for our HHI and keep monthly expenses (especially mortgage and car payments) low because private paying for therapy is $$ and it feels like it’s hard to know what the kids will need.

I’m glad I didn’t leave the workforce entirely. If you can find a way to stay employed I think that’s good ( if you want to and it works for your family).

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes and I quit. I actually made enough money for a full time nanny and we had one.

Life felt not ideal, but at least almost manageable when I was mostly working from home.

Then my job revoked all telework for everyone and I tried for a few months to manage it all. I became so depressed that I almost went inpatient for psychiatric care.

Ended up quitting instead and in the last 4 months I’ve been able to do so much. I realize now how much was being neglected before. I’ve been able to tackle stuff for my SN DC, our house, my own health, my other DC, etc.

Financially it was a very bad decision but I barely even view it as a decision. It was not possible for me to do it all. And the chips are just gonna have to fall where they may.

It doesn’t help that my DH is useless.

I posted about it here and everyone told me not to quit but I am glad I did. I hope to be working again within the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in your shoes and I quit. I actually made enough money for a full time nanny and we had one.

Life felt not ideal, but at least almost manageable when I was mostly working from home.

Then my job revoked all telework for everyone and I tried for a few months to manage it all. I became so depressed that I almost went inpatient for psychiatric care.

Ended up quitting instead and in the last 4 months I’ve been able to do so much. I realize now how much was being neglected before. I’ve been able to tackle stuff for my SN DC, our house, my own health, my other DC, etc.

Financially it was a very bad decision but I barely even view it as a decision. It was not possible for me to do it all. And the chips are just gonna have to fall where they may.

It doesn’t help that my DH is useless.

I posted about it here and everyone told me not to quit but I am glad I did. I hope to be working again within the year.

OP here. Good for you! My DH is amazing but can’t do the driving and I’ve found a part time job near my child’s school. It feels right on every level except financial.

[Anonymous]

I did it years ago - my wife continued full time. Very few vacations or eating out, but it was the right decision. We did try to keep our retirement savings going full blast, though. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

If it is possible for you to invoke intermittent FLMA and use it for your kid's needs while keeping your current job, you can be functionally at 3/4 time work while not derailing your career. (Assuming your workplace isn't run by jerks.) It helps if your DH also has intermittent FMLA and handles daytime appointments, etc, as needed.

So, for example: You work from 8 to 3, your DH works from 9 to 6 and handles getting DC to school. You are on FMLA from 3-5 every day, which does not exceed your 12 weeks/480 hours a year. Your DH takes the day off when your kid does.

DOL says, "Caring for a family member under the FMLA includes assistance with basic medical, hygienic, nutritional, safety, transportation needs, physical care, or psychological comfort." It doesn't need to be only for doctors appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we will likely need to reduce contributions to retirement for a few years. We are in our late 40s. This is with help from grandparents for private SN school tuition. I don’t really see a way around it.

Has anybody else done this?

I work in the field of education as well; I am a school social worker. I know lots of staff (school counselors, school psychs, teachers, SLP's) who have gone part-time to be home more with their kids. I don't know anyone that has regretted that decision. Full-time positions will always be there. My recommendation is to stay in communication with your supervisor and HR about your general timeline for when you would like to return to full-time so they can be best prepared to hopefully offer that to you when you are ready.

When I became a school social worker, I left a more lucrative job as a medical social worker. While most people were supportive and excited for me, I did get some nasty comments about the pay cut. My weekends, holiday breaks, spring break, and 1 month in the summer (which will soon be 10 months) are worth so much more than that extra pay. The breaks allow me to have a positive quality of life and not burn out - which is critical when in a helping profession.

Grieve the loss of your full-time work right now but it sounds like you already know this is the best decision for you and your family. Take care!

[Anonymous]

Do what you gotta do.