Working parents — how much activities

[Anonymous]

We feel like we are shortchanging our kids. We both work full time hybrid jobs (only 2 telework days a week), and try to foster appropriate outside of school activities.

Usually that means a rec sport, a music lesson, and probably some school/academic role (like debate or math club).

Ideally we would love them to do school based sports, but at our MS/HS all those teams are filled with kids who did travel from primary on.

We see classmates with working parents doing travel soccer or tennis meets , and want to know how they do it. L

We feel worn out just running out for our limited set of activities, and have had zero luck setting up carpools (doesn’t seem to be a thing in our school — I think maybe some have driving nanny or grandparent so don’t need it, but it’s not like I track their drop off and pickup)

Anyone who doesn’t have a 3rd “driver” have advice on how they get their kids to activities and how many you have per year?

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have? That makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? If they're in MS and HS and haven't played sports at a higher level it's unlikely they'd make most travel teams anyway.

But here's the thing: you need a driver past 5pm. For a while we paid someone to drive. Now my WFH DH arranges his schedule so he can do it. We also have a few carpools. Travel sports aren't organized by school -- you email the team and see if anyone who lives near you wants to share the burden.

But yes, it's a lot of work. And it changes every season as practice times change.

[Anonymous]

Everyone else is worn out and tired too. There is no magic, if you want these things for your kids, you just suck it up and do it. If these extras aren’t worth it to your family, don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Can you stagger your telework days? My kids are both in activities with a heavy time commitment and we are able to make it happen because DH and I do not telework on the same days. The parent at home handles drop offs and the parent in the office handles pick ups. One of my kids dances, so there is some flexibility with the classes she takes, and our general rule is no classes that start before 5 pm to make it easier on ourselves.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to relate to your situation because my kid has never played a sport where the first parents did was organize multiple carpools.

Does the rec sport matter? I guess the only suggestion is to pick the sport based on your transportation issues. Meaning if soccer or flag football or whatever meets down the street, then have them play that rec sport.

[Anonymous]

DH and I stagger work hours. 2 kids, both in middle school.

I get kids up, fed, and take care of general family stuff. DH takes kids to busstop/school and leaves the house at 7am which is what time I start working. I finish my workday at 4pm and take care of pick up, homework and dinner. Usually he is home before any evening driving has to happen but usually it's me who takes a kid to the earliest activity, and he'll get the second one (on days that activities overlap).

We are both long-term employees at our firms, and have some flexibilities with ending a day early, if needed, to go to a game or something like that. We try not to take advantage and our kids know we can't both make everything but between the two of us, one parent is at most games or big school events. We also use PTO if needed, like today, I'm taking an hour to go to my kid's unexpected game because they need to be picked up and can't take the bus home. I'm leaving my house at 2:30 but I've already put in 7.5 hours of work, so I'm not super fussed anymore about cutting a day "short".

My kids do a club sport and sports with their school. They are both in one additional non-sport activity that meets weekly in the evenings. We gave up on music lessons due to time constraints which I sometimes feel guilty about, especially when I hear their friends play.

There's no way to get around being exhausted. We try to keep positive about all of the running around because some days, it's mind over matter.

[Anonymous]

It’s really about what you are willing to put in. If you don’t want to be driving to a different activity everyday, don’t. Your kids will be fine.

My kids have one night of a shared activity, three nights at a different activity, and some combination of games on the weekends, always separate locations because they play different sports. Sometimes one is on Saturday and the other is on Sunday, sometimes they are both on Saturday and both on Sunday. Friday is usually our only free day/night, unless we are driving to a tournament.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom with FT remote job. My kids both do the same year round sport, but it’s a 10 minute drive in the evening from the house most of the time. They each have 1 extracurricular in addition to that but for one kid it’s only a couple of times a month and for the other it’s only on weekends and mostly nearby. Neither has shown interest in school based clubs and I haven’t encouraged it because I am tired and don’t need more stuff to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Same here. One child has 2 travel/club sports and the other has 1. They both also play sports at school and have occasional additional obligations that require driving/support.

We build our work days around the practice schedules. We plan out our week in advance and take conference calls from the car, if we have to. It’s not perfect, but we manage. We could not do it without a 3rd driver if we didn’t have decent flexibility at work.

We’re exhausted all the time and almost giddy when outdoor sports are canceled for weather. But the kids are happy.

[Anonymous]

I guess this is the benefit of living in upper NW DC…nobody likes to drive so we have so many parents trying to carpool we need to break into multiple carpool groups. Rec sports are all at most a 5 minute drive but often only a 5 minute walk.

[Anonymous]

We never get carpools either and DH doesn't get home in time to help for 5pm practice. Maybe not the best solution, but one of my kids isn't athletic, so we don't try for anything more than rec and I pick activities with commute in mind. The athletic child has to pick, he gets 1 sport/season. We also do music + some school activities. This results in me being out 4 nights a week, Friday is our only free day, and one weekend day is usually free.

[Anonymous]

Au pair
More flexible jobs or
Carpool

[Anonymous]

We have an after school nanny. I overpay her and guarantee her more hours than I use her. But it opens up travel sports for two kids, and DH and I both work. Whenever we can, we take the kids or put them in a carpool instead of using the nanny (kids' preference), but we have to have a backup. I use her for light housekeeping, laundry, putting away groceries, and running errands if I choose to take one or both kids and don't need her for that purpose. We always want to maximize time with kid.

[Anonymous]

We have twins and no 3rd driver/no family support and both work from the office full time so we were always running around dropping off/picking up trying to figure out dinner, and trying to make up hours for work. It was a lot and we often didn't stop moving til 9:30 (thank you, swim club.)

Kids got their license last year and it was the best thing that happened to us in a LONG time. The freedom was amazing. Kids are now headed to college and I will (do) miss the car rides to soccer, theater, swim practices....