Cross Post: Family Therapy Recs - young teen with depression, ADHD and gender dysphoria

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for recommendations of family therapists for myself, my husband and my middle school aged child who has been diagnosed with (and is taking medication for) ADHD and depression. My child was born female but has socially transitioned at school.

I know I may get flamed for this, but I’m not convinced that my child is trans (the gender dysphoria was out of the blue and not apparent at all in childhood and coincided with other mental health issues). However, we need to talk with someone who can help us discuss everything as a family. I would like to find someone who is neutral (versus strictly pro or anti transition)

Any recommendations or others going through something similar who have advice?

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of correlation between neurodiversity and gender dysphoria. This man mentions mentalization exercises help with personal gender understanding of oneself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6MWY6wnpxk&t=763s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for recommendations of family therapists for myself, my husband and my middle school aged child who has been diagnosed with (and is taking medication for) ADHD and depression. My child was born female but has socially transitioned at school.

I know I may get flamed for this, but I’m not convinced that my child is trans (the gender dysphoria was out of the blue and not apparent at all in childhood and coincided with other mental health issues). However, we need to talk with someone who can help us discuss everything as a family. I would like to find someone who is neutral (versus strictly pro or anti transition)

Any recommendations or others going through something similar who have advice?

I could have written this post. I have no recommendations but finding someone who is neutral on this issue is almost impossible.

There is nothing anti-trans about making sure that your kid is making the right decisions here. They do not have a fully formed frontal cortex which is why we don't allow kids to make major decisions on their own. You can accept who they are as a person now but that person might not be the same at 18 or 21 or 25. We tell our kid that gender is a spectrum and that today you might feel like you are on one end of the spectrum but that might change as they grow up (and could then change again). Gender identity is not always static. We love them, support them, respect their preferred name and pronouns and told them we would be here for them no matter what.

My child is seeing a psychologist who specializes in gender dysphoria and prior to their first meeting, I had a meeting with her and said that my kid was really smart and needed to have someone challenge them on why they were feeling things. The therapist is really good but we were on an 18 month wait list to get an appointment.

We are about to meet as a family to talk about next steps. Kid wants to start hormone therapy, we would rather they wait until they are 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for recommendations of family therapists for myself, my husband and my middle school aged child who has been diagnosed with (and is taking medication for) ADHD and depression. My child was born female but has socially transitioned at school.

I know I may get flamed for this, but I’m not convinced that my child is trans (the gender dysphoria was out of the blue and not apparent at all in childhood and coincided with other mental health issues). However, we need to talk with someone who can help us discuss everything as a family. I would like to find someone who is neutral (versus strictly pro or anti transition)

Any recommendations or others going through something similar who have advice?

I could have written this post. I have no recommendations but finding someone who is neutral on this issue is almost impossible.

There is nothing anti-trans about making sure that your kid is making the right decisions here. They do not have a fully formed frontal cortex which is why we don't allow kids to make major decisions on their own. You can accept who they are as a person now but that person might not be the same at 18 or 21 or 25. We tell our kid that gender is a spectrum and that today you might feel like you are on one end of the spectrum but that might change as they grow up (and could then change again). Gender identity is not always static. We love them, support them, respect their preferred name and pronouns and told them we would be here for them no matter what.

My child is seeing a psychologist who specializes in gender dysphoria and prior to their first meeting, I had a meeting with her and said that my kid was really smart and needed to have someone challenge them on why they were feeling things. The therapist is really good but we were on an 18 month wait list to get an appointment.

We are about to meet as a family to talk about next steps. Kid wants to start hormone therapy, we would rather they wait until they are 18.

I’m sorry you are also going through this. It’s really hard What did you do in the meantime when waiting for the therapist appointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for recommendations of family therapists for myself, my husband and my middle school aged child who has been diagnosed with (and is taking medication for) ADHD and depression. My child was born female but has socially transitioned at school.

I know I may get flamed for this, but I’m not convinced that my child is trans (the gender dysphoria was out of the blue and not apparent at all in childhood and coincided with other mental health issues). However, we need to talk with someone who can help us discuss everything as a family. I would like to find someone who is neutral (versus strictly pro or anti transition)

Any recommendations or others going through something similar who have advice?

I could have written this post. I have no recommendations but finding someone who is neutral on this issue is almost impossible.

There is nothing anti-trans about making sure that your kid is making the right decisions here. They do not have a fully formed frontal cortex which is why we don't allow kids to make major decisions on their own. You can accept who they are as a person now but that person might not be the same at 18 or 21 or 25. We tell our kid that gender is a spectrum and that today you might feel like you are on one end of the spectrum but that might change as they grow up (and could then change again). Gender identity is not always static. We love them, support them, respect their preferred name and pronouns and told them we would be here for them no matter what.

My child is seeing a psychologist who specializes in gender dysphoria and prior to their first meeting, I had a meeting with her and said that my kid was really smart and needed to have someone challenge them on why they were feeling things. The therapist is really good but we were on an 18 month wait list to get an appointment.

We are about to meet as a family to talk about next steps. Kid wants to start hormone therapy, we would rather they wait until they are 18.

I’m sorry you are also going through this. It’s really hard What did you do in the meantime when waiting for the therapist appointment?

Thanks! Before starting with their current therapist they were seeing a LCSW to help with their anxiety and ADD diagnosis for about 18 months and worked on getting those issues managed. Ended up seeing a psychiatrist to start on medication (Zoloft first and then adderol). We also had a full neuropsych evaluation done to make sure that we were getting an accurate diagnosis.
My DC is in a really good place right now as far as those issues go and they are a different kid than they were 4 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Therapy First is one such organization that takes a neutral approach to GD. I don’t have first hand experience but sounds like it might align with your cautious approach. Good Luck!

https://www.therapyfirst.org/

[Anonymous]

I would focus on them being a good and healthy person. They aren't having a baby or going to war. Does it really matter much in everyday tasks what gender they associate with? Society focusses too much on this IMO.