MIL gossips about me nonstop, yet texts me on Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

MIL has said horrible things about me to SIL, SIL’s husband, DH, FIL’s cousin, DH’s cousin, and other relatives who have told me what she said. I have also overheard her say nasty things about me. Once, she didn’t realize a voice mail was still recording, and she bad-mouthed me to her husband. Another time, she was a guest in my home, staying in the basement bedroom, not realizing that the air vents are such so that you can hear conversation in the living room; DH heard what she said, too.

And yet she texts me “Happy Mother’s Day” every year. It’s so damn fake. Can I simply ignore. I hate how she intrudes upon my day with her false greetings. Last year I relplied “Have a good day” and she then texted DH to complain about that. I’m thinking about blocking her for a few days so I don’t have to think about it.

[Anonymous]

What are the nasty things she says about you, OP?

All my aunts are like your MIL. They love me, and everyone else they bad-mouth in the family. Doesn't stop them from having absolutely no filter.

[Anonymous]

Is that the only time she texts you all year?

[Anonymous]

Why does your dh allow her to be mean to you? I don’t get why he isn’t shutting this down and standing up to her

[Anonymous]

Give her text a thumbs up sticker response and nothing else. That will drive her mad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your dh allow her to be mean to you? I don’t get why he isn’t shutting this down and standing up to her

He probably agrees.

[Anonymous]

I just send a one emoji reply when my bat$hit MIL texts me. I don’t feel badly about it because she’s been badmouthing me for nearly 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Do you call her out for her bad behavior? if not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your dh allow her to be mean to you? I don’t get why he isn’t shutting this down and standing up to her

He probably agrees.

OP here. He has confronted her over what he and I heard directly with our own ears. He said if she chooses to talk badly about any member of our family in our own home, they can no longer visit our home. He also said that if she chooses to talk badly about any of our family in her home or on vacation or whatever, we will leave.

And then he hears from his cousin and others the thing she says about me at their houses or at restaurants, etc.

The things she generally has a problem with is that I don’t share her exact denomination of religion, and I don’t entertain in precisely the same way she does. DH and I work together on holiday celebrations and hosting, and she can’t get over that we don’t embrace the Santa tradition, even though we do celebrate Christmas. It’s just petty, silly things like that and she makes it a huge deal and tries to undermine and subvert and do things her way. DH used to incorporate certain traditions from his childhood so it’s not like it was “all my way,” but over time we’ve made our own way and she can’t get over the differences. She can’t get over that I’m not her exact same denomination. It’s hurtful.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just want to say I'm sorry. My mom gossips about my brother's wife incessantly and it is maddening. SIL can do nothing right - the type of house they bought, what they plant in their yard, what meals she cooks, where they travel to, how they raise the kids.

My mom now hardly ever sees my brother and her grandchildren, even though they live 10 min away.

Based on my experience, it doesn't matter how you respond (or if you choose not to), your MIL will never change.

Keep living your own best life, and minimize your interactions with her.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine getting this upset over a text, but yes I think you simply ignore. You responded last year and it backfired, so don’t respond this time and stop worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

I think your biggest problem is all these people who seem to delight in telling you the mean things your MIL says about you. What's up with that? They sound like a'holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your dh allow her to be mean to you? I don’t get why he isn’t shutting this down and standing up to her

He probably agrees.

OP here. He has confronted her over what he and I heard directly with our own ears. He said if she chooses to talk badly about any member of our family in our own home, they can no longer visit our home. He also said that if she chooses to talk badly about any of our family in her home or on vacation or whatever, we will leave.

And then he hears from his cousin and others the thing she says about me at their houses or at restaurants, etc.

The things she generally has a problem with is that I don’t share her exact denomination of religion, and I don’t entertain in precisely the same way she does. DH and I work together on holiday celebrations and hosting, and she can’t get over that we don’t embrace the Santa tradition, even though we do celebrate Christmas. It’s just petty, silly things like that and she makes it a huge deal and tries to undermine and subvert and do things her way. DH used to incorporate certain traditions from his childhood so it’s not like it was “all my way,” but over time we’ve made our own way and she can’t get over the differences. She can’t get over that I’m not her exact same denomination. It’s hurtful.

Talk with your husband and I would start pulling back from events with your MIL. Life is too short. If she asks your husband needs to tell her you no longer want to be around her since she says hurtful things.

We actually did this with both our families. Mine because they never visit us (we have a guest room and bath and take them places/ do things) and expect us to take our kids out of school and camp every month or two for a visit. His, because his mom was saying mean and judgmental things about me. My MIL has gotten better since my husband talked to her a few times, but I still have boundaries.

I feel bad for the kids, but I don't want them growing up like that, especially the females since she constantly comments on female bodies (she isn't thin).

[Anonymous]

Just reply “you too” and move on with life. Honestly you are letting her win by letting her life rent free in your head this much.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks"
or thumbs up emoji

Let her call someone else to complain. If she calls your DH, he sure as sh*t better shut her down though.