DD falling apart

[Anonymous]

Do kids from “broken homes” do worse in life? Get into worse schools, make less money, have less connected relationships?

My friend’s kid is at a T20 and had a great childhood, objectively. Two loving parents, food on the table, friends, good school, etc.

My daughter is a couple years younger and a HS junior. She was doing super well, on track to go to a great college, had a steady boyfriend, friends, etc.

Two years ago, her dad passed away in a car crash and she fell apart and hasn’t recovered since. She became so depressed her friends dumped her and she broke up with her boyfriend. Her GPA plummeted and she has remained depressed since then. I’m worried about her future.

[Anonymous]

She needs support. Have you thought about a grief camp or a grief group, perhaps at the Wendt Center? She can do great in life, but she needs help with the grieving process.

[Anonymous]

Have a father pass away and struggling with the grief is not the same as coming "from 'broken homes'".

Her grief became depression. If you are worried about her future, which it sounds like you should be (although I'd be at least as worried, if not more, about her present), get her some help.

[Anonymous]

Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a father pass away and struggling with the grief is not the same as coming "from 'broken homes'".

Her grief became depression. If you are worried about her future, which it sounds like you should be (although I'd be at least as worried, if not more, about her present), get her some help.

What is the difference? I’m curious.

[Anonymous]

A broken home implies a divorce. Completely different than a death. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

OP here. She is in therapy and has been since the accident. While I respect her need for a grieving period (and I certainly went through one myself), I want her to be able to (for lack of a better phrase) move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a father pass away and struggling with the grief is not the same as coming "from 'broken homes'".

Her grief became depression. If you are worried about her future, which it sounds like you should be (although I'd be at least as worried, if not more, about her present), get her some help.

What is the difference? I’m curious.

Troll fail if you don’t know the difference between a couple getting a divorce and one of them DYING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a father pass away and struggling with the grief is not the same as coming "from 'broken homes'".

Her grief became depression. If you are worried about her future, which it sounds like you should be (although I'd be at least as worried, if not more, about her present), get her some help.

What is the difference? I’m curious.

Troll fail if you don’t know the difference between a couple getting a divorce and one of them DYING.

I didn’t realize “broken home” referred to a divorce only. I thought it encompassed divorce, abuse, death, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

OP here. She is in therapy and has been since the accident. While I respect her need for a grieving period (and I certainly went through one myself), I want her to be able to (for lack of a better phrase) move on.

You need to talk to her therapist about the fact that she's not "living" her life and is getting worse and ask what they recommend. Would her father want her to mourn him indefinitely to the point of putting her own life aside? Is this survivor guilt? Was he driving to her or to do her a favor? Whatever the deeper issue is, it needs to get ironed out. Perhaps you need some family sessions with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

OP here. She is in therapy and has been since the accident. While I respect her need for a grieving period (and I certainly went through one myself), I want her to be able to (for lack of a better phrase) move on.

It’s time to try something else.

https://www.verywellmind.com/trauma-therapy-definition-types-techniques-and-efficacy-5191413

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

OP here. She is in therapy and has been since the accident. While I respect her need for a grieving period (and I certainly went through one myself), I want her to be able to (for lack of a better phrase) move on.

Weirdly, my husband and my sister’s husband both lost their fathers to cancer in high school. They didn’t fall apart in high school and went onto college and have great families. This will be your DD some day. She is still grieving and my heart goes out to her. I wouldn’t worry about schooling, just supporting her. Perhaps she can even redo a year of schooling. Do you think your worry about school, her lack of friends, etc is driving a wedge between you? Focus on healing your relationship- everything else will follow. I’m very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her father died suddenly and violently. If you didn't get her into therapy right then, do it now for sure.

OP here. She is in therapy and has been since the accident. While I respect her need for a grieving period (and I certainly went through one myself), I want her to be able to (for lack of a better phrase) move on.

Weirdly, my husband and my sister’s husband both lost their fathers to cancer in high school. They didn’t fall apart in high school and went onto college and have great families. This will be your DD some day. She is still grieving and my heart goes out to her. I wouldn’t worry about schooling, just supporting her. Perhaps she can even redo a year of schooling. Do you think your worry about school, her lack of friends, etc is driving a wedge between you? Focus on healing your relationship- everything else will follow. I’m very sorry for your loss.

Thank you. This makes me feel better. To answer your question, I don’t think my worrying is driving a wedge between us. She has also told me she wishes she could do well in school, but she is mentally unable to. I know she wants to get better, but neither of us knows how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a father pass away and struggling with the grief is not the same as coming "from 'broken homes'".

Her grief became depression. If you are worried about her future, which it sounds like you should be (although I'd be at least as worried, if not more, about her present), get her some help.

What is the difference? I’m curious.

My DS’ dad left when he was a baby. He grew up with just me. That’s his reality and it is a steady childhood.

Your child experienced a sudden loss. She needs therapy. My DS didn’t experience a loss because he never had a dad to begin with. It’s hard to miss something you never had.

[Anonymous]

OP sudden death from an accident is traumatic for survivors. Anxiety, worry, "what if it happens to me or mom or someone else" is a constant dark cloud.

Get her into therapy. NEW therapy if it isn't working. I am glad you have moved on but you seem to be missing empathy for her loss. Consider therapy for yourself or for both of you together to supplement so you can support her better.