Advice for a mom whose husband travels for work?

[Anonymous]

DH is currently in the beginning-middle of a year-long work stint that involves exclusive travel; he leaves Sunday and returns Friday. There are many factors involved, but the long and short of it is the money and his seniority make it so finding another job isn’t an option. We will just suffer through this.

But I’m exhausted and overwhelmed with everything and finding it even more daunting with the prospect of summer ahead of us. Kids are young teens and they just have SO MUCH going on. On top of managing a household and my own career, I feel like I’m being pulled in four different directions constantly.

Teens are too old for babysitters, obviously. I don’t like to ask other parents to help carpool, etc, because I don’t have the energy to reciprocate. I do “escape” and go to the gym for a couple hours every evening, but then it’s like I have to play catch up when I get home — dinner, kids need picking up, then help with homework, household tasks, even though kids do help, etc. By the time everything is done and I could relax and just “be”, I’m exhausted and just go to bed. And the weekends are a reprieve, because dad is a novelty, but they go by SO FAST, and he just wants to relax, too, and I feel bad pushing the kids his way.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, just seeking any general advice to help me through this.

[Anonymous]

You hire someone that can clean and cook. Are there kids that live close by who can carpool? We do it with a kid that lives 5 min away so it really doesn't add much time on.

[Anonymous]

How do you escape to the gym "for a couple of hours" every evening after work and still have time to parent your kids? Unless you work part-time, I would think an hour would suffice for most people in your situation.

If money isn't super-tight, your options include ordering take-out/pre-made meals multiple times a week, get a housecleaner a couple of nights a week, hire someone to help your kids with their homework, or spend less time on your own career. Something has to give if you're single parenting most of the week.

[Anonymous]

Hire help but how do you go to the gym for hours.

[Anonymous]

You are a family. You need your kids to step up due to Dad's absence.

Have a family meeting with the teens and dad to strategize on how to make this work.

Ask friends for help. Ask if you can reciprocate in other ways vs. 1:1 carpooling.

Dad's travel means he can relax and have quiet in the evenings. Also people can relax on planes. He may need to try harder on weekends.

Consider buying a meal kit service and teaching your teens to cook the meals. Marley Spoon was the one we liked best. Try to make that a fun/life skills developing experience.

See if you can hire a trustworthy pickup service. Also hire tutors or homework helpers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you escape to the gym "for a couple of hours" every evening after work and still have time to parent your kids? Unless you work part-time, I would think an hour would suffice for most people in your situation.

If money isn't super-tight, your options include ordering take-out/pre-made meals multiple times a week, get a housecleaner a couple of nights a week, hire someone to help your kids with their homework, or spend less time on your own career. Something has to give if you're single parenting most of the week.

I typically go during their sports practices, which are right after school. I often debate between using that hour and a half to stay home and catch up, or to use it for “me” time like I’m doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you escape to the gym "for a couple of hours" every evening after work and still have time to parent your kids? Unless you work part-time, I would think an hour would suffice for most people in your situation.

If money isn't super-tight, your options include ordering take-out/pre-made meals multiple times a week, get a housecleaner a couple of nights a week, hire someone to help your kids with their homework, or spend less time on your own career. Something has to give if you're single parenting most of the week.

I typically go during their sports practices, which are right after school. I often debate between using that hour and a half to stay home and catch up, or to use it for “me” time like I’m doing.

Well, yeah. Cutting a couple of hours a day at the gym is an obvious way to save time. But if you love the gym, hiring help is also an obvious choice for most single parents. Why aren't you doing that? You said your kids are too old for a babysitter, but you can outsource cooking/housecleaning or even getting someone to drive them around to activities.

[Anonymous]

Post your schedule and we can help you figure out where to gain more time. From what you've said so far, you must be working part time if you're there to shepherd your kids to practices when they get out of school. And yes, carpools are useful. If you're already driving your own kids to/from sports practices--why not share that duty with someone who lives nearby?

[Anonymous]

Outsource, OP. A meal service, weekly cleaners, send out laundry, hire help driving, grocery delivery, free up weekends for family time together.

And get home gym equipment.

[Anonymous]

All of the above. But if you're spending hours at the gym, but lack the energy to organize a mutually beneficial car pool for kid activities, you may want to start thinking about that part of your day.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. It sounds like paying for outsourcing won’t be an issue so throw money at what makes life easier. Also, when you are solo parenting you will need to adjust your schedule even with hired help.

Either home organization and errands or personal time will need to be reduced. You can hire out house cleaners, laundry services, and grocery delivery if the 2+ hours at the gym is most important. Or if you want to have time to get your home in order and do errands then you need to cut in to the gym time. Perhaps you compromise — an hour getting home life in order and an hour at the gym each night or do every other day with concentrated time. But will you have two hours to exercise and two hours to get your home in order a night? No, unless you stay up late to do either (which is also not a huge deal, something single parents do every day).

[Anonymous]

Can you offload the homework to your DH when he's done with work for the day? Ask your teens to send him copies of assignments or papers to proofread. You'd work virtually with most tutors so your DH can figure it out and google what he doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outsource, OP. A meal service, weekly cleaners, send out laundry, hire help driving, grocery delivery, free up weekends for family time together.

And get home gym equipment.

This, exactly, other than I have laundry done in the house, so it gets put away. Once you get all this up and running, you may find that you love that your husband is gone all week.

[Anonymous]

Make sure your eldest is lined up to get their driver's license ASAP so you can be off mommy taxi duty ASAP

DCUM might disagree but I dont think there's anything wrong asking to pay cash for somebody else to drive your kid

[Anonymous]

Get a driver. It’s amazing and will feel less I intrusive than a housekeeper or laundry person.