Dealing with Bipolar sister

[Anonymous]

My sister has bipolar and recently stopped taking her meds. This has happened before and when it happens her personality takes a turn and she becomes very hard to talk to…paranoid, irritable, says mean things. This most recent time I was telling her about my boyfriend and she started telling me he’s gay. I asked her to stop and she wouldn’t, so I just took some space from her for a few days (we usually talk daily).

She now refuses to take my calls and it’s been a month. She has two kids who I am close with, one of which is the same age as my child. I would really like to talk to my nephews and now I can’t. When my daughter tires to call them they either don’t answer or say they can’t talk. the cousins usually talk several times a week for extended periods.

My sister and her family live out of state. So I can’t just stop by. Any advice on how to approach this? I imagine she is still not taking her meds.

[Anonymous]

She is a grown adult. She knows how to get to you if she wants to talk to you. You can’t force a relationship and you can’t force someone to medicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is a grown adult. She knows how to get to you if she wants to talk to you. You can’t force a relationship and you can’t force someone to medicate.

This. Also, even if you lived in her area you don’t just stop by if someone is angry with you. You have to respect her boundaries. I have a mentally I’ll elderly mother who goes off meds and it’s a disaster, but she is considered with it enough to make her own choices. It’s awful and you learn to detach with love and allow them to make mistakes as long as legally they are cindered capable.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you talk to the kids of your sister? Are they too young to have their own phones? If so, I would have someone else they're close to check on them to make sure they're doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you talk to the kids of your sister? Are they too young to have their own phones? If so, I would have someone else they're close to check on them to make sure they're doing ok.

They have their own phones, but it’s clear she’s instructed them not to talk to me. I usually talk to them a couple of times per week. Now they haven’t answered my calls in a month. My child usually talks to them non-stop, but they rarely answer for her now, never call her, and when they do accept her calls they immediately tell her they can’t talk.

It’s very frustrating because the kids are all very close typically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you talk to the kids of your sister? Are they too young to have their own phones? If so, I would have someone else they're close to check on them to make sure they're doing ok.

They have their own phones, but it’s clear she’s instructed them not to talk to me. I usually talk to them a couple of times per week. Now they haven’t answered my calls in a month. My child usually talks to them non-stop, but they rarely answer for her now, never call her, and when they do accept her calls they immediately tell her they can’t talk.

It’s very frustrating because the kids are all very close typically.

Hmm....well if they're old enough to have phones, presumably they have a way to call for help. Hopefully they'll find their way back to you/your child independently of your sister soon.

[Anonymous]

Person with bipolar disorder here.

No one who hasn't taken these meds will understand how awful they are. I do not go off of my meds, but I very much understand the choice of anyone who chooses to do so.

At any rate, your sister's decision not to have anything to do with you likely has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. People don't just stop taking calls from their sister because they have bipolar disorder. You did something. Own up to it.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and "Bipolar" is not an adjective that one applies to people. I can see why your sister might not want to talk to someone like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Person with bipolar disorder here.

No one who hasn't taken these meds will understand how awful they are. I do not go off of my meds, but I very much understand the choice of anyone who chooses to do so.

At any rate, your sister's decision not to have anything to do with you likely has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. People don't just stop taking calls from their sister because they have bipolar disorder. You did something. Own up to it.

Actually, as someone who also has a sister with bipolar and likely borderline personality disorder, i can attest that people with bipolar disorder do indeed stop talking to their sister for little or no reason. My sister has done it at least once a year for years on end. She has very little perspective and sometimes the "issues" she is upset about are wholecloth fiction. You may not do this, and if you don't randomly cut off family members you're usually close to, great. But other people with bipolar disorder can and do. Because of their disease, and with little warning.

It's cruel and they are clearly showing they really don't care that much about their sibling. But we're supposed to suck it up because they are bipolar.

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to let go of -any- concern for your feelings. Unimportant. You need to think bigger than that. You can control your expectations. Your ridiculous expectation is being surprised, in the least, by unreasonable comments from an unreasonable person.

If you're going to worry/have some role here at all, it's the mental heath and safety of the kids. And it seems like you are in no position to have any influence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you talk to the kids of your sister? Are they too young to have their own phones? If so, I would have someone else they're close to check on them to make sure they're doing ok.

They have their own phones, but it’s clear she’s instructed them not to talk to me. I usually talk to them a couple of times per week. Now they haven’t answered my calls in a month. My child usually talks to them non-stop, but they rarely answer for her now, never call her, and when they do accept her calls they immediately tell her they can’t talk.

It’s very frustrating because the kids are all very close typically.

Hmm....well if they're old enough to have phones, presumably they have a way to call for help. Hopefully they'll find their way back to you/your child independently of your sister soon.

Just keep calling and leaving messages for your nieces/nephews to let them know you care and that you're around if they need you. Having a bipolar parent is really tough. They will need your support--I bet they'll be back in contact with you soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has bipolar and recently stopped taking her meds. This has happened before and when it happens her personality takes a turn and she becomes very hard to talk to…paranoid, irritable, says mean things. This most recent time I was telling her about my boyfriend and she started telling me he’s gay. I asked her to stop and she wouldn’t, so I just took some space from her for a few days (we usually talk daily).

She now refuses to take my calls and it’s been a month. She has two kids who I am close with, one of which is the same age as my child. I would really like to talk to my nephews and now I can’t. When my daughter tires to call them they either don’t answer or say they can’t talk. the cousins usually talk several times a week for extended periods.

My sister and her family live out of state. So I can’t just stop by. Any advice on how to approach this? I imagine she is still not taking her meds.

Take the free NAMI Family to Family course, it's online and can be done whenever the timing works for you. Also find a local support group if you can. Not only re: your sister but your nephews have a greater risk of being bipolar.

Is your sister married? If not, is the boys' father in the picture? Is there a safety plan in place to your knowledge to ensure the kids get basic needs met?

Unfortunately, stable relationships with people who are not medication compliant are unlikely.

[Anonymous]

I've been dealing with this my whole life. 1-2x a year my sibling goes off her meds, completely melts down. Sometimes ends up with a psych hold. She gets extremely mean when she's manic. Honestly it's a good thing she doesn't have kids because she can be downright vicious when she's off her meds.

I've had to just mentally distance myself a bit. I can't make her take her meds, I can't make her go to the doctor. Any attempts to do that usually make everything worse. She just has to find her way back and hope the damage isn't too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person with bipolar disorder here.

No one who hasn't taken these meds will understand how awful they are. I do not go off of my meds, but I very much understand the choice of anyone who chooses to do so.

At any rate, your sister's decision not to have anything to do with you likely has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. People don't just stop taking calls from their sister because they have bipolar disorder. You did something. Own up to it.

Actually, as someone who also has a sister with bipolar and likely borderline personality disorder, i can attest that people with bipolar disorder do indeed stop talking to their sister for little or no reason. My sister has done it at least once a year for years on end. She has very little perspective and sometimes the "issues" she is upset about are wholecloth fiction. You may not do this, and if you don't randomly cut off family members you're usually close to, great. But other people with bipolar disorder can and do. Because of their disease, and with little warning.

It's cruel and they are clearly showing they really don't care that much about their sibling. But we're supposed to suck it up because they are bipolar.

Lol. They don't stop speaking for "no reason" -- and your definition of "little" is undoubtedly something your sister would debate.

People cut off siblings for good reason all the time where the cut-off sibling, due to lack of insight, thinks it was for "no reason." When this scenario takes place with a sibling who has a mental illness, it gives the sibling who is actually at fault all the ammunition in the world to wail away about it like OP. "My sibling cut me off because they have bipolar disorder!!!" Nope, they cut you off because you are a jack@$$.

OP's nieces and nephews have phones and they aren't taking her calls either. She did something. And it probably wasn't "little."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person with bipolar disorder here.

No one who hasn't taken these meds will understand how awful they are. I do not go off of my meds, but I very much understand the choice of anyone who chooses to do so.

At any rate, your sister's decision not to have anything to do with you likely has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. People don't just stop taking calls from their sister because they have bipolar disorder. You did something. Own up to it.

Actually, as someone who also has a sister with bipolar and likely borderline personality disorder, i can attest that people with bipolar disorder do indeed stop talking to their sister for little or no reason. My sister has done it at least once a year for years on end. She has very little perspective and sometimes the "issues" she is upset about are wholecloth fiction. You may not do this, and if you don't randomly cut off family members you're usually close to, great. But other people with bipolar disorder can and do. Because of their disease, and with little warning.

It's cruel and they are clearly showing they really don't care that much about their sibling. But we're supposed to suck it up because they are bipolar.

Lol. They don't stop speaking for "no reason" -- and your definition of "little" is undoubtedly something your sister would debate.

People cut off siblings for good reason all the time where the cut-off sibling, due to lack of insight, thinks it was for "no reason." When this scenario takes place with a sibling who has a mental illness, it gives the sibling who is actually at fault all the ammunition in the world to wail away about it like OP. "My sibling cut me off because they have bipolar disorder!!!" Nope, they cut you off because you are a jack@$$.

OP's nieces and nephews have phones and they aren't taking her calls either. She did something. And it probably wasn't "little."

Who knows what the sister told the nieces and nephews about the OP and her kid? People with bipolar disease can be paranoid and spread lies when they're sick. My bipolar relative was convinced someone was poisoning her bagels. Besides the fact that no one was trying to hurt her, she never even had any intestinal issues that would indicate her food was bad. She was just paranoid and delusional. Time will tell.