Am I being ostracized out of this friend group?

[Anonymous]

I have longtime friend Nikki who I introduced to a newer friend of mine, Ana. Nikki and Ana hit it off and eventually started to get together occasionally 1:1, on top of as a threesome. One of Ana’s family member’s threw her a surprise “sprinkle” shower, and Nikki was invited but I wasn’t. I didn’t confront Nikki or Ana about it, but I ended up *liking* and commenting on photos posted to social media of the event. Nikki almost immediately called me and explained that I wasn’t excluded, that Ana’s family member found friends to invite via social media engagement. She didn’t want me to think I had been excluded. I brushed it off at the moment, but the more I think about it, the more I think, OK, but then why wasn’t I “found” on social media? I engage in her posts often, I’m even featured in them! And why didn’t Nikki speak up and say, hey, maybe invite this person. (Maybe that’s out of bounds, but still, she didn’t even say she tried to do this.) Am I being ostracized out of the group? Or does this social media story sound feasible and I’m being ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

If it is just this one thing, I would chalk it up to the fact that someone else was in charge of invitations and something got missed.

[Anonymous]

I’d be hurt. It’s it feasible, sure. Do I believe it, not really.

[Anonymous]

Two's company, three's a crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is just this one thing, I would chalk it up to the fact that someone else was in charge of invitations and something got missed.

NP and while I agree, it’s also weird that the family member chose this route to find people to invite. I threw a surprise party once and used my main source to find other friends to invite, so I wouldn’t miss anyone. How would you even know who to invite just by someone’s social media page? I have hundreds of friends. How would my aunt, or whoever, alone know who I would want invited. I think it is suspicious “Nikki” didn’t suggest inviting OP, especially since OP introduced the two!

[Anonymous]

I think you're overthinking this. Maybe it was a surprise so she didn't get a chance to suggest people to invite? Maybe you weren't found because the person searching wasn't savvy with it. I know if my mother was tasked with doing that, she'd miss tons of people. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is just this one thing, I would chalk it up to the fact that someone else was in charge of invitations and something got missed.

NP and while I agree, it’s also weird that the family member chose this route to find people to invite. I threw a surprise party once and used my main source to find other friends to invite, so I wouldn’t miss anyone. How would you even know who to invite just by someone’s social media page? I have hundreds of friends. How would my aunt, or whoever, alone know who I would want invited. I think it is suspicious “Nikki” didn’t suggest inviting OP, especially since OP introduced the two!

What makes you think Nikki was given a list of the attendees before the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is just this one thing, I would chalk it up to the fact that someone else was in charge of invitations and something got missed.

NP and while I agree, it’s also weird that the family member chose this route to find people to invite. I threw a surprise party once and used my main source to find other friends to invite, so I wouldn’t miss anyone. How would you even know who to invite just by someone’s social media page? I have hundreds of friends. How would my aunt, or whoever, alone know who I would want invited. I think it is suspicious “Nikki” didn’t suggest inviting OP, especially since OP introduced the two!

What makes you think Nikki was given a list of the attendees before the party?

Ah, that’s true. Good point.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are being ridiculous about the baby shower. It sounds like it was an oversight to not invite you and I think it's understandable that you would feel hurt by it.

BUT I also think that the fact that Nikki called you to explain when she realized what had happened indicates that you are not being ostracized out, but that someone in Ana's family made a mistake and Nikki and Ana realized it too late and are likely now stressed that you are mad at them.

I would maybe reach out to see if the three of you could do a little mini celebration for Ana's pregnancy to make up for you not attending this other thing. Let them know you understand it was an accident you weren't invited but that you are sad you missed a chance to fete your friend. Hopefully that will be a fun time and smooth it over and you can all move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two's company, three's a crowd.

Three's Company!



PLAY VIDEO ▶

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we introduce friends to each other and they go on to become closer than they were to us. It doesn't feel good but it happens and is not malicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we introduce friends to each other and they go on to become closer than they were to us. It doesn't feel good but it happens and is not malicious.

Agreed but it really does hurt. It is a form of rejection even though people don't mean it that way.

[Anonymous]

Do you have significant lifestyle differences from them? Do they have lifestyle factors in common that you don’t share?

Just some possible reasons why.

People grow apart. It happens. Try not to take it personally unless you have good reason to.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it was just an oversight by the family member who sent invitations, but why didn't Nikki mention it to OP ahead of time? Like usually if there is a mutual friends' party you might talk about the gift you're giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it was just an oversight by the family member who sent invitations, but why didn't Nikki mention it to OP ahead of time? Like usually if there is a mutual friends' party you might talk about the gift you're giving.

This is the part I don't get. Or, when she was contacted with the invite, say "have you talked to OP yet? I know Ana would want her there." Especially if the way she was contacted was through social media and the person was like "I'm trying to figure out who to invite."

But there may be an obvious explanation. It does seem a little odd though and I can understand why OP is feeling weird about it.