Anyone else struggle with the veneer of professionalism?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been quite senior at a fairly corporate firm for several years now and the effort of maintaining a corporate persona is really starting to eat away at my mental health. I find myself dreading 70% of my meetings because I have to present in a way that feels fundamentally so inauthentic - and truly uninspiring. I have tried being myself and while I haven’t been actively fired, I’m certainly not moving up and perhaps not even cutting it at my level. At this point I have gone from feeling confident and like I had skills to bring to the table to feeling like an absolute failure. I have tried but not succeeded to find an alt opp at my same salary level and am now considering moving to a lower COL area and quitting bc my burnout is so severe. I used to think it was so odd when my friends wanted to quit working as I loved my jobs but now all I can think about is not looking down the barrel every day of 7+ hours of corporate zoom and just like - sitting on a step in a ray of sun. I can’t remember what I was ever good at and wonder if I actually was good at anything or if it was just an extravagant misunderstanding. I know I should be grateful for the comp and I feel awful but the dread and anxiety of trying to thrive in this workplace are kind of killing me. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

I found a firm that appreciates individualism and doesn't mind quirky people.

[Anonymous]

I felt that way in corporate life. I switched to academia and it’s a much better fitz

[Anonymous]

Imposter syndrome?

[Anonymous]

It's all stupid emperor's clothes and everyone has a veneer.

[Anonymous]

It feels like you are in a play. You are playing a role for that moment in time and then you get to take off the costume, make up and step back to being real. Its why I left corporate and went to non-profit. Salaries suck but at least I can be me and I can connect with a mission.

[Anonymous]

Part of your post is about feeling inauthentic but most of it is about burnout and possible depression. Two different issues!

I would start with a vacation.
Also see a doc, as you may be experiencing mood changes related to hormones or other health issues.
And from there, a therapist to work on the rest.

A former colleague experienced a late onset diagnosis that changed his personality. Not saying that's definitely you, but it happens. His new "authentic self" was really inappropriate, with consequences for his career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all stupid emperor's clothes and everyone has a veneer.

+1.

I have different personalities at work, with my family, with friends.

I hate the term “authentic self” in the workplace.

It’s not just corporate America but all of society that rewards certain personalities over others.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Read from strength to strength.

[Anonymous]

OP I have found that things are getting much worse in this regard. We constantly have training at my company about how to communicate and they literally give us scripts. The consultants are laughing all over themselves that corporate America has fallen for this BS. I also think companies are so scared of getting sued that they don’t trust their employees. It’s awful.

[Anonymous]

One reason I am retiring on 5/2 (5 more working days!!) is this. I can't stand watching every word I say, the politics etc. and I am in academia. The endless meetings are another reason, never have time to do the actual work and I am not willing to work late every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been quite senior at a fairly corporate firm for several years now and the effort of maintaining a corporate persona is really starting to eat away at my mental health. I find myself dreading 70% of my meetings because I have to present in a way that feels fundamentally so inauthentic - and truly uninspiring. I have tried being myself and while I haven’t been actively fired, I’m certainly not moving up and perhaps not even cutting it at my level. At this point I have gone from feeling confident and like I had skills to bring to the table to feeling like an absolute failure. I have tried but not succeeded to find an alt opp at my same salary level and am now considering moving to a lower COL area and quitting bc my burnout is so severe. I used to think it was so odd when my friends wanted to quit working as I loved my jobs but now all I can think about is not looking down the barrel every day of 7+ hours of corporate zoom and just like - sitting on a step in a ray of sun. I can’t remember what I was ever good at and wonder if I actually was good at anything or if it was just an extravagant misunderstanding. I know I should be grateful for the comp and I feel awful but the dread and anxiety of trying to thrive in this workplace are kind of killing me. Anyone else?

Imposter syndrome is a real phenomenon. Read about it. You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Few people are "their authentic selves" anywhere, whether in professional or social contexts. They adapt to their surroundings, to fit in and to be compatible. They often behave differently when alone. The extent of such adaptation depends on just how far out of the norm you are. If you're too different, more effort is needed to act compatibly, and if that effort is too extreme to tolerate you're in the wrong environment.

Recognize that adaptation to one's surroundings is an essential skill for professional success, and without it you're likely to stall out. If you can no longer adapt to your particular environment, it's time to change your job, accepting the financial and professional consequences that change implies (which may be for better or for worse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Few people are "their authentic selves" anywhere, whether in professional or social contexts. They adapt to their surroundings, to fit in and to be compatible. They often behave differently when alone. The extent of such adaptation depends on just how far out of the norm you are. If you're too different, more effort is needed to act compatibly, and if that effort is too extreme to tolerate you're in the wrong environment.

Recognize that adaptation to one's surroundings is an essential skill for professional success, and without it you're likely to stall out. If you can no longer adapt to your particular environment, it's time to change your job, accepting the financial and professional consequences that change implies (which may be for better or for worse).

op - see i find the first part of your assertion odd. I have worked in many environments where I did not have to put on a veneer, they just weren't 'corporate' in this way. And I am mostly my authentic self in my social life. I have managed to climb the ladder despite this. But your second point is correct; it is what it is and if the tension between the culture and my personality is such that the effort is too great, I have no choice but to find a plan b

[Anonymous]

Absolutely relate to this. 20 years in corporate America climbing that ladder. Just took a voluntary buyout. Not sure what’s next but I have time to figure it out.

Zoom is a big part of it. It’s awful for so many reasons.

For me a big part of it was not being able to say what I wanted to say or what the obvious elephant in the room was. I know how to behave in a corporate setting (see: moving up that ladder!) but the disconnect between the reality and the narrow window of how we were expected to act or what our role was (I also used to think of the play analogy all the time) was really getting to me. I felt it in my throat sometimes - like all the words and feelings just sitting there stuck and unable to get out. I am not sure if it’s inevitable or if I wasn’t cut out for senior level roles. I am capable of doing the work and playing there politics but behaving in the environment was affecting me more than I wanted it to.

Not sure the solution but I know exactly what you mean. I think if you are smart and you see this clearly, it’s hard to unsee.