Why some kids are instantly popular?

[Anonymous]

I’m so jealous. DD was part of a sports team at her private school for a couple of years.

DD is introverted and quiet, but respectful and polite. She didn’t really bond with the team.

Although she was pretty good and quickly rose in ranks, the other gils in the team mostly didn’t cheer for her, didn’t hug or high five her after wins.

A new girl joined the team this year and she wad immediately loved. Everyone is cheering, hugging her.

It breaks my heart a little.

[Anonymous]

It's je ne sais quoi. Some people just have an aura about them that attracts and endears others.

[Anonymous]

Introverted kids often get introverted treatment. It’s unfortunate, but kids who put out energy are more likely to get energy back.

[Anonymous]

The "it" factor. It's chemistry.

[Anonymous]

More importantly is looks

[Anonymous]

Confidence is attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's je ne sais quoi. Some people just have an aura about them that attracts and endears others.

It's called trauma.

[Anonymous]

Teach her to be friendly and happy and humble. I can guarantee it will get her cheers and hugs.

[Anonymous]

Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's je ne sais quoi. Some people just have an aura about them that attracts and endears others.

It's called trauma.

This is interesting. I have a kid with a lot of trauma and he has this instant popularity and real trouble making long term friends.

[Anonymous]

Have you taught your child to approach people and be actively social and friendly? Or is she just sitting there waiting for others to approach her?

[Anonymous]

You get what you give, OP. Teach her that.

[Anonymous]

Does she want that kind of attention or do you want it for her?

[Anonymous]

I kind of see that with my own kids and I'm personally an introvert too.

My older kid is the more athletic and coordinated of the two and often acknowledged as one of the better players on the team. But I think they tend to stay off on the side of things, although I think they're getting better and the team is friendly towards them and welcoming. It kind of sucks to see, so I can imagine how you feel.

My younger kid is okay in terms of sports. Not as athletic and coordinated as their older sibling when they were at the age. In some ways are above beginner level of things but have a lot they need to work on. But personality wise they're opposite of their older sibling and always have been loud and extroverted. So it doesn't seem to matter where they go, they always seem to make friends and people know who they are. I forgot where we were, I think it was like some line at one of those jump park places and I looked over at my kid and they were yammering away with some other kid in line that they never met before.

I'm not sure if you see all the interactions during practices and games. Where it's possible that the new player on the team may have built up camaradie with the other players during those times, which kind of got them into the fold more quickly. And this is assuming that they didn't already know members of the other team beforehand.

One of the reasons why it kind of stinks for me, is that I was hoping that sports would kind of help my kids interact with people, be part of a team, etc. But apparently it doesn't happen as organically or naturally as I would've thought. But you can look at it as giving opportunities to do so or try. And just encourage your child to try to interact with the other members of the team more. And as long as there isn't any cliquish, mean girls thing going on, I'd imagine they'd reciprocate too. And if there is an actual clique on the team, there are usually other members on the team that aren't in that group too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to be friendly and happy and humble. I can guarantee it will get her cheers and hugs.

All this kind of advice is such garbage. So ableist too. I am able to look at this from the perspective of somebody with extreme ADHD and other issues that make being "extroverted" and 'Friendly" pretty hard. And the mere suggestion that you can teach someone to be "happy?" I can't imagine much more harmful advice. It is bad advice to teach your kid to act like somebody they are not. My DD is an incredibly high energy person, who people love at first, then get annoyed with. Girls were cruel to her in middle school for this. There were times i wanted to tell her just to tone it down, just act a little more mature even if it wasn't how she feeled. But I always stopped myself. In the long run, acting like something you're not is just too unhealthy. OP: she should be herself and she will find her group who support and love her. I can empathize with you. It's hard to watch them feeling so left out and ignored. One thing my kid did learn over the years is that so many other girls feel this way, you would just never know it. She should just keep working hard, play the best she can for herself and her team, and those rewards will come eventually!