Why some kids are instantly popular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's je ne sais quoi. Some people just have an aura about them that attracts and endears others.

It's called trauma.

Are you saying that people who have experienced trauma have an aura about them that attracts people to them? Or the opposite?

I think there are some assumptions about this, also - you can not tell people who have trauma or not. I know people who have great posture and are quiet - what DCUM assumes is "confidence" - anyone can fake it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she want that kind of attention or do you want it for her?

What do you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

It is extremely hard, sometimes impossible if you are autistic. The OP did not say her daughter is, but mine is and has the same experience. Why aren't your outgoing kids reaching out to the ones that struggle socially?

Becayse nasty moms breed nasty girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

It is extremely hard, sometimes impossible if you are autistic. The OP did not say her daughter is, but mine is and has the same experience. Why aren't your outgoing kids reaching out to the ones that struggle socially?

.

Why should they have to? Someone else’s social struggle isn’t my (or anyone’s daughter’s) problem. There are only so many hours in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

It is extremely hard, sometimes impossible if you are autistic. The OP did not say her daughter is, but mine is and has the same experience. Why aren't your outgoing kids reaching out to the ones that struggle socially?

.

Why should they have to? Someone else’s social struggle isn’t my (or anyone’s daughter’s) problem. There are only so many hours in the day.

You could flip this too- why aren't autistic parents putting their kids in social skills courses? Why aren't parents reaching out and helping kids that struggle socially?

[Anonymous]

Funny how quick this went to ASD discussion. I have a 6th grader on the spectrum who has immense struggles with social interactions who is just now finding her group. My other 4th grade daughter is an athletic standout and the most affable kid ever. She makes friends far easier than either my wife or I ever could as kids.

From my perspective most if it is just dumb luck especially at the younger ages. Some kids just get how to get along a young age.

[Anonymous]

It’s charisma, it’s the it factor. It’s something so innate that can’t be replicated, learned, or copied.

I can think of when I was in school and you would have a new kid that would come late in the year, but would be instantly popular because they had something about them. Most of us don’t have this character trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's je ne sais quoi. Some people just have an aura about them that attracts and endears others.

It's called trauma.

Are you saying that people who have experienced trauma have an aura about them that attracts people to them? Or the opposite?

I'm not the PP you responded to, but I responded to the same PP about my own kid who has experienced significant trauma.

My kid is very focused on pleasing people he doesn't know well. He desperately wants those hugs, and high fives, and cheers because they make him feel safe. If someone he doesn't know well and doesn't have reason to trust is hugging him or cheering him on they feel like less of a threat. His friendships and long term relationships with peers suffer because of his hypervigilance, and his focus on other people.

Now, is this the only way kids respond to trauma? No. Kids respond in all different ways. My kid who does this was a high energy, extroverted kid before trauma, and so he uses those strengths to help him manage his anxiety. As a teacher, I've worked with other kids with trauma background who present in other ways. If I had to guess, I'd say that some of the difference has to do with the underlying personality and strengths, and some has to do with the age at which kids experienced trauma, and the kind of trauma.

I also agree 100% with the PP who said you can't spot a traumatized kid. I think that's often true. My guess is that if OP's kid was on a team with mine, she'd think my kid was the lucky one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

It is extremely hard, sometimes impossible if you are autistic. The OP did not say her daughter is, but mine is and has the same experience. Why aren't your outgoing kids reaching out to the ones that struggle socially?

.

Why should they have to? Someone else’s social struggle isn’t my (or anyone’s daughter’s) problem. There are only so many hours in the day.

CLASSIC DCUM 🤢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she high five her teammates? Give them shoutouts?

It's not that hard.

It is extremely hard, sometimes impossible if you are autistic. The OP did not say her daughter is, but mine is and has the same experience. Why aren't your outgoing kids reaching out to the ones that struggle socially?

.

Why should they have to? Someone else’s social struggle isn’t my (or anyone’s daughter’s) problem. There are only so many hours in the day.

Wow you’re a classless 🐷

[Anonymous]

My DD has always been popular. While she is pretty, she is similar to what a PP posted, really doesn’t care what anyone says about her and is very confident about her appearance, even though her clothes selection is very eccentric. She has no problems calling ppl out if they’re bothering her or her friends.

I have no idea where she gets it from, I was the opposite growing up - a wallflower and I had to teach myself to socialize in college to get internships and jobs.