Sports and lack of aggressiveness

[Anonymous]

My first grader plays a lot of sports throughout the year....basketball, tennis, baseball and soccer. He has been pretty athletic and coordinated since he was young. Now that the teams are getting more organized and competitive, I have noticed that he is nowhere near as aggressive as other kids. He's never been the kid fighting for control of the ball in his possession or trying to take the ball from the opponent. He's the fastest kid on his baseball team, but slows down when the third baseman is running to the plate to tag him out.

Part of it may have to do with us not watching a lot of sports and showing real world examples of plays. But now I am wondering if this is just the way he is. Do kids get more aggressive as they get older? He has no problem being aggressive at home with us and his sister so its odd to me how passive he is on the field.

And yes these are all sports he wants to play and enjoys playing. He wants to add in flag football but we decided not to. I wonder if playing an aggressive sport would help sharpen that aggressiveness that's beneficial in sports.

[Anonymous]

First grade! FIRST GRADE!

[Anonymous]

Sure put him in football

[Anonymous]

My kid is like this and has never outgrown it. He does well in sports but isn't a star because of lack of aggression. Slowly he's gotten a bit better with handling aggression though. Some sports have less contact than others and eventually kids pick a sport or two to focus on and not all his friends will be on the baseball team together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First grade! FIRST GRADE!

First kid! FIRST KID!

I don't know what's normal. Not training any future Olympians here.

[Anonymous]

Mine was aggressive but he's gotten less so through the years because the aggressive kids get injured more and they injure others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First grade! FIRST GRADE!

First kid! FIRST KID!

I don't know what's normal. Not training any future Olympians here.

Obviously 🙄

[Anonymous]

I mean, to me that's a plus. Keep in mind that aggressive, impulsive personalities on the field also tend to be like that off the field, which leads to more difficulty in relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First grade! FIRST GRADE!

Agree.

OP, sports at this age are about (1) having fun, (2) learning to be part of a team, (3) learning to enjoy moving their bodies and doing something athletic, to build up those habits, and then AFTER all that, they are about (4) becoming good at a sport.

Some kids who play sports at this age will go on to get serious about those sports, play on club or travel teams, play in high school. Some. A minority, really. The ones who will do this are not always the ones who are "the best" at this age. They may be the ones who are the most passionate, who enjoy it the most, or (as is often the case in the DMV) have parents who push them the hardest. Actual skills are something kids can be coached into and get with practice, but passion or love of the sport cannot be externally trained into a kid.

The outcomes of sporting events at this age DO NOT MATTER AT ALL. They don't matter for anything. They will not impact your kids ability to make future teams, their overall development, nothing. So being less aggressive at this age if totally fine, especially if he's still enjoying playing. He might develop more aggression later if he keeps playing and becomes more competitive (and at some point, event outcomes DO start to matter, and that's when you start to see some kids turn it on and develop more competitive instinct). Or he might be one of the many kids who likes these sports now but decides later he doesn't like it enough to pursue it. He might also switch to a sport that starts up later in age, like track or cross country (especially if he's fast and likes to run), wrestling, etc. Also if he's an overall good athlete, he could pick up a sport like swimming or tennis a little older and still be very competitive if he took to it. Or he might not be that sporty generally, he might be the kind of kid who plays rec sports or does non-competitive sports like rock climbing or hiking.

I actually worry a bit about the kids who are intensely aggressive at age 6 or 7. Often it reflects a lack of perspective and actually bodes poorly for a long athletic career. To compete in most sports at a high level, you need to be able to shake off losses. Ever seen a professional baseball player after a loss? They say things like "it's one game, we'll come back tomorrow and start over." Or "you can't dwell on the mistakes -- learn what you can and move on." Yes they are deeply competitive people who have a lot of competitive drive. But they are also people who don't pin their entire self esteem on a single at bat or play. That's healthy. Kids who are very aggressive at this age may be over-invested in being the star, scoring the winning play, besting a rival, etc. That's not a healthy attitude and is likely to lead a kid to flame out early. It's also the kind of attitude that can make a kid a liability on a team. You do need aggression to play competitive sports, but too much of it, especially when not matched by skill, is a problem.

[Anonymous]

OP - what are you optimizing for?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry your six year old isn’t aggressive- try boxing maybe

[Anonymous]

MMA maybe

[Anonymous]

I go to the Y sometimes and there’s an open gym that has four hoops and it’s mostly teen boys playing. And then there’s a little boy who is six years old and he’s practicing shooting hoops. He was at it for at least an hour totally focused on the hoop and the ball.

I talked to his mother a bit and she said he just played tag football and then comes up to practice basketball for as long as she can tolerate sitting there.

The kid was remarkable for his self motivation, persistence and focus. Plus he had skill for his age. This kid will definitely be an athlete.

[Anonymous]

FFS, you have a six yo! They're fine. If they're having fun and getting some exercise, then the objective has been achieved.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post OP, down to the lack of sports culture at home etc. My child is now 9 and somewhat more aggressive than 2 years ago but still the least aggressive kid on the team. But the sport has cultivated whatever aggression /competitiveness he does possess so I would keep him on the team. Good luck.