Sports and lack of aggressiveness
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
PP who asked that question and thanks for the reply. It sounds like you just want your kid to be good enough at a sport to be part of a team and the friendship that goes along with it. If that's the case, and he loves it, then as he gets older it's not unreasonable to have some extra coaching if that's what he wants, so that he stays good enough to play. I think at this age, kids are likely displaying innate characteristics they have. I think aggression can be taught to some extent, but it wouldn't make sense to start at this level. |
Anonymous
You're not paying attention to what OP is asking. |
Anonymous
What clicked? |
Anonymous
I'm a PP and I totally agree that extra coaching (even if your kid is just in rec) is good if that's what it takes for your kid to stay in the middle of the pack on the team and that's what your kid wants. But if you do extra coaching, make sure you as a parent plus your kid are willing to put in practice at home. People who go to private lessons and expect that to be it are missing the point. A lesson is where you learn the drills you work on at home, ideally with a parent. It's a lot of work. You have to all be ready for that. But yeah, if a kid really wants it, I think it's worth it. |
Anonymous
+1 non-aggressive DS really would hang back in soccer but baseball was a bit better. He did rec soccer through middle school because his friends were doing it. Also ended up liking golf (learned from his grandpa). He's in college now and plays on a pretty casual rec soccer team so it's good to have the basic skills. Golfs with friends. |
Anonymous
OP, I get where you're coming from. I have three kids that are super active in sports and display different levels of initiative/aggression in their sports. I'll focus on the one that sounds most like your son - my middle kid, who is 12. My husband and I routinely discuss this issue, because our son, while talented on the sports field, exhibits almost lazy-like behavior. Part of it certainly might be laziness, but we also see it in a sport in which he really excels. Last summer, just before he won the all-star tournament in his event, he commented that he thought that one of his teammates would be devastated if he lost, and that he would really hate that (more than he wanted to win himself). On the one hand, makes me wonder why we've spent so much time and $$ on the sport, but on the other, made me proud of the person we were raising. He is also really active in boy scouts, music, and a member of the junior honor society. But we keep him in sports, because he does seem to like them. I will note that on some of his teams, where boys can be much more competitive, he does get some grief about his effort levels (and I think he feels sad and/or ashamed when he's last on the batting order). But even so, doesn't seem to motivate him to work harder, so a good life lesson for him, I guess. My other two kids (14 and 8) are much more aggressive in their respective sports, so it's probably just a personality thing. |
Anonymous
He found his friend group (some but not all are runners but none are from his early elementary pack) and he found an extracurricular activity that he loves. He is busy and happy. |
Anonymous
I think it's important to note that different extracurriculars fit different personalities, like PP's runner kid. Some kids can dig extra deep and excel at running, swim, crew. Some kids go after the ball and excel at basketball, soccer, and other rectangle sports. Some kids have the mental and phsyical mix for baseball. Some kids are love technical challenges of things like rock climbing or marshal arts. It's OK if the first several sports you try aren't the right fit, or if it takes a while to grow into the right fit. |
Anonymous
My son is a lot like this, and it is so painful to watch. He has every physical advantage an athlete could have: size, strength, athleticism, power, explosiveness, and speed; when he is on, he's on, and you know you are watching something special, something beautiful and electri almost. But he lacks motivation. What can you do? He plays recreational sports now, although, with the raw talent he displays, he could do more. He's even expressed an interest in playing travel for the first time ever, but I don't think he has it in him. He enjoys being part of a team, and that part has stayed consistent over the years. However, he most enjoys the team parties and the treats afterward. He enjoys this way more than he ever enjoys the actual act of competing or even being the hero. And even when we've tried to explain to him, hey, you can't remain on the team if you don't compete, or do you notice how everyone wants to warm up with you, cheer for you, give you a high five after you've given all you had during a game and had that effort translate into great plays, and you'd think that would make him want to do the things to get the accolades, but that's not what happens. Rather he'll have a great game, and then the next day, he's giving half effort again. I thought if we kept supporting him until puberty, then the hormones would take care of the aggressiveness, or, as I call it, hunger. But alas, he is in the early days of puberty, and still nothing. Some kids lack the hunger needed to be great athletes. I almost think for some kids too much is given, so they never learn to want it for themselves. Competitive team sports are great for a young person to play, but at a certain point, they reach a point where they have to want to get better to keep in the game. |
Anonymous
I have a 14 year old that is like this - honestly, people have commented on her athleticism since she was a toddler. Her hand/eye was amazing, even at 1. But I think for some whose natural talent is incredible, they lack the drive to practice (this was certainly our case), and the other kids gradually catch up. She realized at some point (probably a few years ago) that she wasn't special anymore and had to put in the time. People still routinely comment on her skills, but she's had to work hard to get back in the #1 spot on the teams. (This completely came from within, however; no amount of cajoling from her dad or, to a lesser extent, me, her mom, worked to incentivize her). |
Anonymous
|
My 14 year old was, and to a certain extent, remains like that. He’s played baseball since 1st grade and started with rec basketball in 2nd or 3rd grade. You’d expect great things from him as he was always the tallest kid, but honestly, he was pretty average. As he grew older, it became apparent that he just wasn’t physically aggressive enough to be good at basketball, but that’s ok. It’s just not his personality. He still plays rec ball and has gotten a little more aggressive, but it’s still not his thing. As he says, he doesn’t want an elbow to the face or to hit the gym floor hard.
Honestly, the sport that suits him the most is baseball. He can use his height in a less physically aggressive manner! Speaking of first graders, I saw a 7u travel baseball team this past weekend. Matching bat bags, fancy uniforms, and $200 bats. Sigh. |
Anonymous
| Wow we have a bunch of amazing athletic kids! We are the best |
Anonymous
| DS is 12 years old, has some natural athleticism and likes sports but is very non-aggressive. Has always been that way and has never changed. He's quit sports one by one over the years because of this -- first soccer, then basketball, then hockey, eventually baseball although that requires less aggression but the kids and parents were hyper competitive which turned him off. These were all sports he wanted to do, and he loved practices, camps, clinics, etc. but not the games because he couldn't mix it up with the more aggressive kids. Over time he has begun to gravitate more and more to swim and track/cross country because it fulfills his competitive spirit but you don't need to be aggressive. He's taking a tennis camp this summer to try that out. |
Anonymous
| Mine is like this and I think it's ok at this age, though it can certainly be frustrating to watch! For some sports, mine just had to find his specific skill to lean into and then he became a great player. In other sports, I find he's just... a nice kid and a rule follower, and his lack of aggression is just that side of his personality shining through. He's not 100% sure in a given situation if he can steal the ball by kicking or whether he should take the ball when his teammate is also there. He's also not AGRO WE MUST WIN because he doesn't have screaming parents on the sidelines. I'm fine with this, even though I know he can show more athleticism. I'd rather he have fun and learn sportsmanship. |
Anonymous
I agree. Thank your lucky starts that you don't have an aggressive kid. The teen years will be so much smoother for you. |