If your middle-schooler got hit in/after school, WDYD?

[Anonymous]

Not a lot of details but I just found out and curious what you did as I get to face this tomorrow. I also feel so sick that my kid was assaulted.

[Anonymous]

Your child was assaulted by a student at their school? Police report. Report to the principal.

[Anonymous]

Switch schools. Nothing else will make a difference or show your kid that you support them. Kids this age internalize things that happen to them: I deserved it; something is wrong with me; it was my fault. The best way to counter that is to take serious action so they know you don't think that way.

PS: The school will do nothing. Police report will lead to your kid learning that the system cares a hell of a lot more about the kids who commit the assaults. They will expect your kid to show sympathy and support for their assailant and retraumatize them through the restorative justice program. They do nothing to help the victim. Completely counterproductive for victims.

[Anonymous]

Why no details? Can your kid tell you what happened? I think the details matter regarding how far this gets escalated. Definitely a call to school to find out details from
Teacher and school are also warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools. Nothing else will make a difference or show your kid that you support them. Kids this age internalize things that happen to them: I deserved it; something is wrong with me; it was my fault. The best way to counter that is to take serious action so they know you don't think that way.

PS: The school will do nothing. Police report will lead to your kid learning that the system cares a hell of a lot more about the kids who commit the assaults. They will expect your kid to show sympathy and support for their assailant and retraumatize them through the restorative justice program. They do nothing to help the victim. Completely counterproductive for victims.

Wow - way to overreact! For all you/OP know, OP’s kid threw the first punch. Or was taunting the kid. Or friendly wrassling got out of hand.

OP, details are critical. This is an instance where I would have no problem going scorched earth but you need details first or you could wind up looking really dumb.

[Anonymous]

depends on the details. Is your kid often picked on/bullied? In your kid. sh%t starter and started something he couldn’t finish?

My kid got hit, the school called and did an incident report. I took it with a gigantic grain of salt since my kid is no wall flower. They had it on video , it seems my kid got hit out of the blue and then my kid proceeded to laugh and point at the “assaulter”. It’s important to have the full picture since my son presented himself as the consummate victim. With video evidence we had a conversation with him about how his actions could have lead to more violence and that he needs to diffuse situations like this.

If my kid were the type who is bullied or had some sort of special needs, my reaction would be much different. As a rule i hardly ever believe what a middle schooler has to say. I need full facts before drawing conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a lot of details but I just found out and curious what you did as I get to face this tomorrow. I also feel so sick that my kid was assaulted.

SCORCHED EARTH!!!

[Anonymous]

I would send an email immediately and be at the school first thing tomorrow morning to meet with Vice Principal. I’d expect immediate consequences for other child.
I know my kid wouldn’t instigate being assaulted.
She’s at private so I know it would be handled. We had issues with a new kid in Jan calling my kid names including the N word on her first day. It was handled immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a lot of details but I just found out and curious what you did as I get to face this tomorrow. I also feel so sick that my kid was assaulted.

We had this situation recently too. Didn’t overreact, but wanted school to follow up (they originally didn’t do anything even though the incident was reported). The kid who assaulted our child waited until we contacted the school and made up a story how he was provoked. No witnesses, so it was hard to prove anything and, even though our kid has no history of creating any sort of trouble, our kid had more severe consequences in the end.

From our lesson learned, depending on the relationship you have with the school, I would first want to find out more. If you can get witnesses willing to support your child’s claim, it should be easy to insist on the school follow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools. Nothing else will make a difference or show your kid that you support them. Kids this age internalize things that happen to them: I deserved it; something is wrong with me; it was my fault. The best way to counter that is to take serious action so they know you don't think that way.

PS: The school will do nothing. Police report will lead to your kid learning that the system cares a hell of a lot more about the kids who commit the assaults. They will expect your kid to show sympathy and support for their assailant and retraumatize them through the restorative justice program. They do nothing to help the victim. Completely counterproductive for victims.

Wow - way to overreact! For all you/OP know, OP’s kid threw the first punch. Or was taunting the kid. Or friendly wrassling got out of hand.

OP, details are critical. This is an instance where I would have no problem going scorched earth but you need details first or you could wind up looking really dumb.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a lot of details but I just found out and curious what you did as I get to face this tomorrow. I also feel so sick that my kid was assaulted.

I am so sorry someone did this to your child. Call law enforcement. Demand accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools. Nothing else will make a difference or show your kid that you support them. Kids this age internalize things that happen to them: I deserved it; something is wrong with me; it was my fault. The best way to counter that is to take serious action so they know you don't think that way.

PS: The school will do nothing. Police report will lead to your kid learning that the system cares a hell of a lot more about the kids who commit the assaults. They will expect your kid to show sympathy and support for their assailant and retraumatize them through the restorative justice program. They do nothing to help the victim. Completely counterproductive for victims.

Wow - way to overreact! For all you/OP know, OP’s kid threw the first punch. Or was taunting the kid. Or friendly wrassling got out of hand.

OP, details are critical. This is an instance where I would have no problem going scorched earth but you need details first or you could wind up looking really dumb.

Agree!

Why not reach out to the guidance counselor and explore giving restorative justice a chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a lot of details but I just found out and curious what you did as I get to face this tomorrow. I also feel so sick that my kid was assaulted.

SCORCHED EARTH!!!

NO!

This is so callous and inappropriate. There could be myriad reasons the other child lashed out, such as undiagnosed/ untreated trauma, lack of privilege, inequality or oppression, etc.

Do not ruin some poor child’s life chances over just schoolyard fisticuffs.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys ages 13 and 15. They both play sports and I know boys can trash talk, push, shove and hit sometimes.

I don’t think a boy getting hit is that big of a deal.

My son is no longer friends with his former close friend after this friend hit him a few times. I’m not saying it is ok behavior to hit others but it is also not uncommon. My boys don’t hit one another often but it happens occasionally.

[Anonymous]

⬆️ parents who normalize hitting are setting up their children for a great life - in prison.

/s/ 17 years as a federal public defender