MIL trying to send MY Jewish kids to Bible camp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there is a good chance the children will be told they are going to hell because they don't believe in Jesus. That is not cultural education, that is coercion.

Yep. I have witnessed Christian children tell other children that Jews are going to hell because they don't believe in Jesus.

My kid's Montessori primary class had a pair of twins who attended a Missouri Synod Lutheran church. They told my 4 year old that he was going to hell and so was his mom, dad, brother and uncles. My kid wasn't traumatized but he was incredibly pissed. It turned into a big lesson on tolerance and world cultures for the class.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you that your in laws are in the wrong, and that it was a sneaky thing of them to spring on you. However, although you are definitely morally in the right here, I would have approached it in a different way. By walking away from the phone call and then just cancelling the trip, you've escalated the conflict. You're probably going to have to continue to have a relationship with these people since they're your husband's parents and your kids' grandparents. By no means do I think you should have sent your kids to the camp, but the better thing to do would have been to tell them calmly that the kids were not allowed to go, and ask if they would prefer for you to find a different half day camp for the kids, or if you needed to cancel the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a basic misunderstanding among many PPs where they assume it is okay to expose a Jewish child to an evangelical environment. Proselytizing is extremely offensive to Jews. Jews have spent centuries being forced to convert under the threat of torture and any attempt to coerce Jews to worship Jesus is considered repugnant. It is not a matter of exposing the kids to a different faith, it is clearly an attempt to convert them. It is also not the same as a Christian kid going to a Jewish camp because Jews don't proselytize. This is just so highly offensive of the MIL to do this.

And there is a basic misunderstanding about Christianity. There are a zillion different branches and sects. From Unitarians & Quakers to Westboro baptist church. You can't paint them all with the same brush. Mainstream WASPs don't proselytize, talk about being "saved" or do much at bible camp but give kids a place to play safely once swim team is over for the summer, have a snack, maybe sing a few songs and (this is the real motivation) give SAHMs a break for a few hours. My redneck deep southern in-laws on the other hand? Yikes. Whole different mindset. If in-laws are WASP-y then this is a minor deal and it's doubtful kids will get much religion at all. If the are rednecks to the right of Southern Bapitist-- that's an issue.

Honestly, if DH married a Jewish woman and agreed to have Jewish kids, I'm assuming his parents are of the WASP variety. And that they know they can't manage the kids 24/7 and were looking for a safe, affordable breather. Plus don't know enough about current kids programs in the area to choose something else. ("What are we going to do with the grandkids all day? Of look, the church bulletin says that there is VBS that week...") OP-- in this case, VBS is probably very harmless. But if it's an issue, get on the Internet and find (and pay for) another 1/2 day camp. Or offer to pay a teen in your ILs neighborhood to take the kids to the pool for a while each morning.

Great post.

OP never said what denomination the inlaws are. What is the denomination OP? That makes a HUGE difference.

Mainstream protestant (Anglican, Presbyterian, Luthern, Episcopalian, etc) or Catholic? It will be what many PPs described. Probably a Noahs Arc type theme, heavy on songs and crafts, lots of "you are special" in the Veggie Tales vein.

If it is Baptist, Southern Baptist, Pentecostal, etc, I would not send my Catholic child and certainly would not send someone's Jewish child.

Tye denomination makes all the difference.

Maybe look for another camp or class for them to give the grandparents a break (and pay for it since it will cost far more than $25.00).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it (DH and I are Jewish FWIW with non-Jewish relatives). Out of all the camps they could be enrolled in, your MIL purposely chose bible camp. I would not ever be ok with that, because she went behind your back. However, if it was presented to me prior, and I got the chance to know exactly what would be going on at the camp, I might be ok with it. I would chalk it up to a learning experience for my kids.

You do realize most vacation bible schools are free & don't require much paperwork or advanced reservations. They are very easy to sign up for, and often offered at a time of year when most camps are finished. The idea of a half day (free) break might be appealing to your in laws.

You didn't read the part where OP had discussed activities with the in laws to give them a break and offered to pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Holy shit, they tried to baptize your kids without telling you and/or having your consent? DH and I would go nuclear. The suggestion to do something instead with your kids is a good one - still make a vacation put of it?

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for the grandmother. She is Christian and just wants her grandkids a chance to attend church. Experience something from her culture.

Op put yourself in her shoes. What if your child marries a Christian and raises their kids Christian? Would you consider sending them to Jewish camp for a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the grandmother. She is Christian and just wants her grandkids a chance to attend church. Experience something from her culture.

Op put yourself in her shoes. What if your child marries a Christian and raises their kids Christian? Would you consider sending them to Jewish camp for a week?

You don't do that without talking it over with their parents first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - we cancelled our trip and DH had a long discussion with his parents about how angry we are. They go to a huge Bible church in Virginia, not that it matters much, but I get the sense that this is just the latest attempt to push Christianity on us. We have had the same conversation for many years, DH and I agreed 12 years ago that we would be a Jewish family and we haven't wavered. He's not religious and I am, both spiritually and culturally. Our last major blowup with them was years ago when they tried to arrange to baptize our kids and we had a very frank conversation about why we were not at all ok with this.

We've had this trip planned for months, they offered to take the kids and we had arranged for afternoon swim dates with a babysitter to give them breaks, and have had several conversations about activities and things we could do to make it a great trip. To spring Bible camp as a done deal on us a few hours before we left is inexcusable. I am furious. After a 12 year relationship with them I cannot believe they have such little respect for the choices we've made for our kids. I agree my kids can learn about other religions but not at surprise Bible camp.

Aw, that sucks. Hang in there, OP. Your kids will be big enough for overnight camp very soon.

[Anonymous]

I would never allow your children unsupervised time with your MIL again. She can't be trusted. Now you know where she stands. Enrolling Jewish children in a Christian camp designed to teach children about Christianity is beyond the pale. She is way out of line. Anyone who understands the Jewish experience will get why this is the case. Your husband needs to be the one to tell her that what she did was repugnant and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - we cancelled our trip and DH had a long discussion with his parents about how angry we are. They go to a huge Bible church in Virginia, not that it matters much, but I get the sense that this is just the latest attempt to push Christianity on us. We have had the same conversation for many years, DH and I agreed 12 years ago that we would be a Jewish family and we haven't wavered. He's not religious and I am, both spiritually and culturally. Our last major blowup with them was years ago when they tried to arrange to baptize our kids and we had a very frank conversation about why we were not at all ok with this.

We've had this trip planned for months, they offered to take the kids and we had arranged for afternoon swim dates with a babysitter to give them breaks, and have had several conversations about activities and things we could do to make it a great trip. To spring Bible camp as a done deal on us a few hours before we left is inexcusable. I am furious. After a 12 year relationship with them I cannot believe they have such little respect for the choices we've made for our kids. I agree my kids can learn about other religions but not at surprise Bible camp.

Ugh. They tried to baptize your kids? They are unhinged. There is a bigger problem here than religion. Truly shocked.

[Anonymous]

It is clear this is not about giving them an experience in culture. It is about forcing them to practice a religion that is not their own. This is extremely offensive in the Jewish religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You seem very controlling. I feel sorry for your husband.

Thanks for chiming in, crazy MIL. Keep your religious wackery to yourself!

[Anonymous]

Op, you ILs are way out of line. It is reasonable for you and DH to forcibly refuse. There are two issues: there is the immediate problem that needs to be dealt with - - and second is the tremendous disrespect they are showing you. I don't know if that can be fixed.

[Anonymous]

Most vacation bible school camps consist of arts and crafts, playground time, etc. Unless they are baptist or other evangelicals, it's probably not very religious. It's a way to give parents a break and kids something to do.

Signed,
Not religious grown who attended every church's bible school in town as a kid just to have something to do

[Anonymous]

Op - - - do not have ILs babysit. You can't have it both: you can't have them do you a favor AND follow your common sense re: respecting your wishes. Going forward - them babysitting IS NOT AN OPTION. They have torn-up their IL babysitting card. If you are firm on this, then you live with consequences without complaining.