What to do about this funeral?

[Anonymous]

While scrolling FB really late last night, I happened upon the post of a friend who I didn’t realize was our neighbors’ mutual friend. The post was the obituary of one of our neighbor’s (the husband’s) father’s obituary—he apparently passed away last week on Tuesday. The weird thing is, after picking up DS from sports practice ON Tuesday evening, my DH chatted in the yard with the husband (they are fairly close) for quite a while. His father must have passed later that evening.

The viewing is tomorrow morning. They haven’t told us about it and now I don’t know what to do. This feels like the sort of thing they would have shared with us; they attended DH’s father’s funeral years ago, and they were among the first people he told. It feels like perhaps they didn’t want a lot of people to know and/or show up to the viewing, and it would be weird for us to just show up? Am I overthinking this? If I hadn’t scrolled at 1am last night because I couldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t even know. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You’re overthinking. Many people don’t announce when a family member dies for a variety of reasons (too grief-stricken, too busy with funeral prep, etc).

[Anonymous]

Hmm, that’s a tough one. Maybe they’ll call today? If not, no, I don’t think I would go. I would send a card and flowers or a meal or something once they told me, though.

[Anonymous]

Going to a funeral is always the right answer. You don’t need an invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to a funeral is always the right answer. You don’t need an invitation

I’m not sure. Perhaps the family wants to keep it intimate, family and close friends. People have reasons why they don’t broadcast things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to a funeral is always the right answer. You don’t need an invitation

I’m not sure. Perhaps the family wants to keep it intimate, family and close friends. People have reasons why they don’t broadcast things.

Then they wouldn’t have published the obit with the service information.

[Anonymous]

Send a card or flowers.

[Anonymous]

I would go

[Anonymous]

ETA: I would go since it was announced online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to a funeral is always the right answer. You don’t need an invitation

+1

[Anonymous]

If you want to support them, go. They aren’t going to mad you showed up and expressed sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe there was a higher reason you had insomnia and saw that?

[Anonymous]

Of course, you go. People rarely have the time (and energy) to contact everyone who knew the deceased, especially if the death was sudden or unexpected. Are you looking for an invitation? Go and pay your respects please. Your presence will be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Whenever someone in my family has died, everyone is busy alerting relatives and making arrangements.

Of course you go. They will be glad you did.

[Anonymous]

They are busy dealing with other things, they don’t have time to extend you a personal invitation to the funeral. Just go and pay your respects. You’re overthinking this (and being a bit self absorbed - it’s not about you!)