two neurodivergent kids who are VERY different?

[Anonymous]

I have two boys- a kindergartener who just turned 6 and my 3rd grader who is almost 9.

Kindergartener: Delayed speech (had frequent ear infections at daycare+tubes) and had early intervention services and was identified in one locality with SLI but they never wrote his IEP, we moved, he was re-evaluated, and he no longer met the criteria. He has participated in ST in the community since 3. He had OT from 4-5 due to bowel toileting challenges - potty trained easily but then held his bowels at an outdoor prek program and developed encopresis, completely regressed, and then getting him re-potty trained was DIFFICULT and he didn't want to stop activities to potty.

He's very social, loving with peers, really only aggressive to big bro/family at home (which I feel is more learned from his brother) VERY HYPER, active, agile, and terrific with building things or physical activities (biking, climbing, swinging). He is easily distracted, runs off in public, will rarely hold my hand, and struggles to sit for meals. He loves literacy but is on the lower side of average academically. He was JUST diagnosed with ADHD - combined type through our pediatrician and started meds this week.

8 yr old: HIGHLY verbal, interacts MUCH better with adults than children (adults just LOVE him 1 on 1), major sensory seeking behaviors when he was younger - playing with soaps, liquids, candles, even feces as a preschooler, & became very picky with foods. He also struggles with coordination, most sports are a no-go, and he still cannot ride a bike. He has a lot of issues with aggression, despite desperately wanting friends and wanting to be kind & has a really hard time maintaining friendships with peers (also doesn't think to invite kids over or ask to do things with other kids....I've had to ask him if he wants to invite a classmate over for pizza+movie or just hanging out, meet up at the playground, swimming, ect). He is also easily overstimulated and overwhelmed leading to frequent meltdowns. He had quite a few issues in school prior to being diagnosed with ADHD last summer and being put on meds. He's been diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, was found to be mildly gifted, and may have some sensory-integration issues. We had two previous eval's through the years with him to figure out what was going on before he got the ADHD/gifted diagnosis. He went to OT for over a year a few years back. He has been going to weekly individual counseling since last summer. He is doing MUCH better at school/community with a 504 plan, meds, participated in a social-skills class at school, and after-school karate program. I do see a lot of signs of ASD but he has NEVER been diagnosed. Parent-child interaction therapy does not exist in my community (I have searched) and I'd have him in OT but there aren't openings.

Both my kids have the diagnoses of ADHD-combined type but increasingly seeing how different their needs are and how classically ADHD my younger child is and my own childhood growing up with ADHD, it does really make me wonder if my older child is Autistic or if his profile is such that he presents completely differently. It's so challenging and I feel like I never can get a total grasp on his full needs.

Does anyone else have kids like this that are SO SO different?

[Anonymous]

I have two DC’s who are ND and very different, but they have different diagnoses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys- a kindergartener who just turned 6 and my 3rd grader who is almost 9.

Kindergartener: Delayed speech (had frequent ear infections at daycare+tubes) and had early intervention services and was identified in one locality with SLI but they never wrote his IEP, we moved, he was re-evaluated, and he no longer met the criteria. He has participated in ST in the community since 3. He had OT from 4-5 due to bowel toileting challenges - potty trained easily but then held his bowels at an outdoor prek program and developed encopresis, completely regressed, and then getting him re-potty trained was DIFFICULT and he didn't want to stop activities to potty.

He's very social, loving with peers, really only aggressive to big bro/family at home (which I feel is more learned from his brother) VERY HYPER, active, agile, and terrific with building things or physical activities (biking, climbing, swinging). He is easily distracted, runs off in public, will rarely hold my hand, and struggles to sit for meals. He loves literacy but is on the lower side of average academically. He was JUST diagnosed with ADHD - combined type through our pediatrician and started meds this week.

8 yr old: HIGHLY verbal, interacts MUCH better with adults than children (adults just LOVE him 1 on 1), major sensory seeking behaviors when he was younger - playing with soaps, liquids, candles, even feces as a preschooler, & became very picky with foods. He also struggles with coordination, most sports are a no-go, and he still cannot ride a bike. He has a lot of issues with aggression, despite desperately wanting friends and wanting to be kind & has a really hard time maintaining friendships with peers (also doesn't think to invite kids over or ask to do things with other kids....I've had to ask him if he wants to invite a classmate over for pizza+movie or just hanging out, meet up at the playground, swimming, ect). He is also easily overstimulated and overwhelmed leading to frequent meltdowns. He had quite a few issues in school prior to being diagnosed with ADHD last summer and being put on meds. He's been diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, was found to be mildly gifted, and may have some sensory-integration issues. We had two previous eval's through the years with him to figure out what was going on before he got the ADHD/gifted diagnosis. He went to OT for over a year a few years back. He has been going to weekly individual counseling since last summer. He is doing MUCH better at school/community with a 504 plan, meds, participated in a social-skills class at school, and after-school karate program. I do see a lot of signs of ASD but he has NEVER been diagnosed. Parent-child interaction therapy does not exist in my community (I have searched) and I'd have him in OT but there aren't openings.

Both my kids have the diagnoses of ADHD-combined type but increasingly seeing how different their needs are and how classically ADHD my younger child is and my own childhood growing up with ADHD, it does really make me wonder if my older child is Autistic or if his profile is such that he presents completely differently. It's so challenging and I feel like I never can get a total grasp on his full needs.

Does anyone else have kids like this that are SO SO different?

Yeah. Alot of the older /younger differences match up to mine eith the same age span.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone do ADOS-2 evaluation on the older one? Also, parent-child therapy works really well remotely, I am doing it now, and we have the therapist on ipad and it's great - no commute or extra person in the house.

[Anonymous]

You should read “Is this Autism.” We got our kid diagnosed at age 11 after previously having a an adhd diagnosis. The spectrum is expanding. If it resonates with you then get DC1 re-evaluated someplace savvy like Stixrud.

Is This Autism? https://a.co/d/1Kx5mIT

[Anonymous]

My kids are wildly different - I have an ADHD kid, a nondisabled kid, and a kid with multiple disabilities (motor, speech, ADHD, etc), and they are all just as different from each other. My "typical" one can be the toughest of all of them, depending on the week. It is so common to read about kids with social difficulties but it seems like most kids out and about are "normal," and it makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. I would love to have a more Zen mindset, but easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Your older child should have an autism diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys- a kindergartener who just turned 6 and my 3rd grader who is almost 9.

Kindergartener: Delayed speech (had frequent ear infections at daycare+tubes) and had early intervention services and was identified in one locality with SLI but they never wrote his IEP, we moved, he was re-evaluated, and he no longer met the criteria. He has participated in ST in the community since 3. He had OT from 4-5 due to bowel toileting challenges - potty trained easily but then held his bowels at an outdoor prek program and developed encopresis, completely regressed, and then getting him re-potty trained was DIFFICULT and he didn't want to stop activities to potty.

He's very social, loving with peers, really only aggressive to big bro/family at home (which I feel is more learned from his brother) VERY HYPER, active, agile, and terrific with building things or physical activities (biking, climbing, swinging). He is easily distracted, runs off in public, will rarely hold my hand, and struggles to sit for meals. He loves literacy but is on the lower side of average academically. He was JUST diagnosed with ADHD - combined type through our pediatrician and started meds this week.

8 yr old: HIGHLY verbal, interacts MUCH better with adults than children (adults just LOVE him 1 on 1), major sensory seeking behaviors when he was younger - playing with soaps, liquids, candles, even feces as a preschooler, & became very picky with foods. He also struggles with coordination, most sports are a no-go, and he still cannot ride a bike. He has a lot of issues with aggression, despite desperately wanting friends and wanting to be kind & has a really hard time maintaining friendships with peers (also doesn't think to invite kids over or ask to do things with other kids....I've had to ask him if he wants to invite a classmate over for pizza+movie or just hanging out, meet up at the playground, swimming, ect). He is also easily overstimulated and overwhelmed leading to frequent meltdowns. He had quite a few issues in school prior to being diagnosed with ADHD last summer and being put on meds. He's been diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, was found to be mildly gifted, and may have some sensory-integration issues. We had two previous eval's through the years with him to figure out what was going on before he got the ADHD/gifted diagnosis. He went to OT for over a year a few years back. He has been going to weekly individual counseling since last summer. He is doing MUCH better at school/community with a 504 plan, meds, participated in a social-skills class at school, and after-school karate program. I do see a lot of signs of ASD but he has NEVER been diagnosed. Parent-child interaction therapy does not exist in my community (I have searched) and I'd have him in OT but there aren't openings.

Both my kids have the diagnoses of ADHD-combined type but increasingly seeing how different their needs are and how classically ADHD my younger child is and my own childhood growing up with ADHD, it does really make me wonder if my older child is Autistic or if his profile is such that he presents completely differently. It's so challenging and I feel like I never can get a total grasp on his full needs.

Does anyone else have kids like this that are SO SO different?

op - asd dx is highly subjective to the provider so it really doesn't matter. what you describe sounds EXACTLY like mine that did get an asd diagnosis and mine is very sporty and a little more socially outgoing and motivated than what you describe. sounds like you are doing everything right! well done mama.

[Anonymous]

I think it's quite common for there to be major differences between kids with the same diagnosis. It might be that one or both also have Autism, or not. Even if they both do, they could still be very different.

My kid goes to a school where all the kids have HFA. Their presentations are totally different, although the challenges are similar. Some are great talking with adults but less with kids. Others are the opposite. Some have pretty standard eye contact, and others don't. Some blurt out things pretty commonly, and others say very little. They also all have a variety of different additional diagnoses that might impact thing (some ADHD, some anxiety, some learning disorders). I think this is what's so hard about these diagnoses.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I appreciate all of the feedback. I've been so busy, I didn't have time to respond until now. I will check out the book recommendation. I am meeting with my older son's therapist this afternoon to look at additional strategies to support him; she too has noticed autistic tendencies but also said that he presents pretty classically ADHD & gifted.

I do honestly wonder if my DH has Autism. Earlier this year, we both took the free self-assessment tool for monotropism (just curious) and I scored in the range that is often associated with those with ADHD and my husband scored very high, in the range for those with Autism. He does have a lot of behaviors that would be associated with Autism and honestly so did his dad.

[Anonymous]

Op here with another update. I met with my older son’s therapist and they’ve been working together for about 9 months. She brought up autistic tendencies that she has noticed and we reviewed the dsm criteria and he does meet. He is going to be referred for OT at their office when they start and he qualifies for respite care on weekends if i need a break.

I do need to pursue a full autism assessment, which he really hasn’t had. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to be seen as “that mom” fishing for as diagnosis but he really is struggling. I’m 100% his person. His therapist also supported that my DH could very well be autistic and that could be why he is struggling with boundaries, overwhelm, having appropriate social filters and grey zones