Everything about husband irritating me

[Anonymous]

Ugh, literally everything about DH is bugging me. Like everything - the way he acts, eats, what he says and does, everything’s annoying the crap out of me.

We’ve been together 20 years and I’m in menopause. What can I do to change my attitude and make our future together more tolerable?

[Anonymous]

Take a 2 week vacation without him.

[Anonymous]

HRT

[Anonymous]

I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through chemically induced menopause as part of cancer treatment in my 30's.

While in menopause I hated my husband. Everything about him, everything he did, the way he smelled, how he sounded, literally everything.

Once I was allowed to have estrogen in my body again ALL of these feelings faded and my affection for him returned. It really was all hormonal and was incredibly enlightening for me to see how much our hormones change our relationships.

If you can do HRT, do it. If you're like me, and you can't take hormones, maybe try an antidepressant, avoid him, or get a divorce.

After my experience I know why gray divorce is a thing.

Pp, you wrote you took HRT but also that you can’t take hormones? Did you go from one to another? I’m wondering because I had a blood clot on a high dose estrogen pill in my 20s and I’m terrified of both trying HRT and not trying it.

Congrats on overcoming cancer in your 30s! 🙏🏻

[Anonymous]

From early to mid 30’s I was given Zoladex to shut my ovaries down and then I took an additional hormonal inhibitor to block remaining circulating estrogen.

When I was cleared to stop the drugs my body started making estrogen again. Went back to a naturally pre-meno state. Hot flashes and night sweats stopped, brain fog cleared, depression subsided, joints stopped hurting, sex drive returned (vaginal atrophy was improved but is not reversible) I never took HRT and can’t when I eventually go through natural menopause. I have considered taking it anyway because quality of life is more important to me than simply being alive in a state of misery.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written your post.

You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Take a solo vacation (or go with a girlfriend) to get away from your DH. Breaks are healthy. The day-to-day life is drudgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your post.

You're not alone.

+1

Its hard not to think... will it always be like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could have written your post.

You're not alone.

THIS!!! ME too. So hard to figure out what's "real feelings" and what are peri/meno feelings at this point. I don't know if I love him or hate him on some days. Its messed up.

[Anonymous]

Get an apartment for yourself. Don't even tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HRT

+1 and if you can't take HRT, get a low dose SSRI. That's what I did and it made ALL the difference. I found a new OB/GYN from the www.menopause.org site and learned so much. I didn't realize how how many women develop anxiety/depression during/after menopause. I didn't recognize my irritation with my DH and low tolerance threshold were a symptom of the anxiety. The OB/GYN said the SSRI would make a huge difference and she was absolutely right. I feel so much more like my old self. HTH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HRT

+1 and if you can't take HRT, get a low dose SSRI. That's what I did and it made ALL the difference. I found a new OB/GYN from the www.menopause.org site and learned so much. I didn't realize how how many women develop anxiety/depression during/after menopause. I didn't recognize my irritation with my DH and low tolerance threshold were a symptom of the anxiety. The OB/GYN said the SSRI would make a huge difference and she was absolutely right. I feel so much more like my old self. HTH.

NP. Please heed the above, OP. If your marriage has been fine up to this point, keep reminding yourself that you are hearing the menopause talking--not your true feelings talking. Remind yourself of this as you get ASAP to a good gyn who understands that perimenopause and menopause create these kinds of symptoms. Don't let the irritation obscure all objectivity in your head; distract yourself like crazy (see friends, get extra exercise if that helps your mood, get outside, treat yourself to whatever you consider a treat, take a weekend away from DH and frankly everyone else, etc.); and do not try to deal with this solo when you can get help like HRT and/or SSRIs. If your own gyn is dismissive, get another as fast as you can. I know DCUM's "divorce is the solution" thinking (and am glad not to see much of it here--yet) but there is zero reason to toss out a marriage over what is a physical condition that can be helped, and which is temporary. Awful, seems eternal, but--temporary. Reach out to the doc today. And tell your DH that if you seem irked with him it's not about him but about the condition, so he's not wondering what he did wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Take a solo vacation (or go with a girlfriend) to get away from your DH. Breaks are healthy. The day-to-day life is drudgery.

NP I'm a much better wife when we are appart because I don't hate the way he breathes, chews, laughs ....

[Anonymous]

Yeah I have this after about 6 years of being with someone. It could be menopause related or not as I went thru this early 30s with a boyfriend who I now think fondly off. Space helps for sure. I do not think I’m really made for long term monogamy but I do still respect my husband and want to be there for my kids. He’s just irritating on an everyday level, we still agree on all the big picture things.