Relationships with AC

[Anonymous]

Tell me about yours. Esp if they are local or close to you.

Mine are starting to leave the nest and I'm so so sad about it. Even if I know it is appropriate and good for them. My views are skewed, I think, by my upbringing of a large immigrant family on both sides. Everyone was always together and around each other. That seems to be not the case here or in current times. So I need to adjust my expectations.

How do you keep close without suffocating them? How often do you see them and for what? Just special occasions or more often (dinners out, kid activities, holidays, catching a movie, etc.)

Please give me some perspective. But also hope that i'll still be able to be part of their lives.

[Anonymous]

You had them for 18 years, now proudly let them fly and explore the skies. If you gave them love, they'll come back to your perch from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me about yours. Esp if they are local or close to you.

Mine are starting to leave the nest and I'm so so sad about it. Even if I know it is appropriate and good for them. My views are skewed, I think, by my upbringing of a large immigrant family on both sides. Everyone was always together and around each other. That seems to be not the case here or in current times. So I need to adjust my expectations.

How do you keep close without suffocating them? How often do you see them and for what? Just special occasions or more often (dinners out, kid activities, holidays, catching a movie, etc.)

Please give me some perspective. But also hope that i'll still be able to be part of their lives.

Just do what works for you, every child and every family and everyone's life's demands are different. Less pressure and more freedom means more chances of them missing you.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I just told my 21 yo that I'm remarrying and it's a woman she's known for 3 years so it shouldn't come as a surprise. And now she's not talking to me. So.

Parenting adult children is harder than any other stage, I'm discovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had them for 18 years, now proudly let them fly and explore the skies. If you gave them love, they'll come back to your perch from time to time.

I understand that. It's the "time to time" i'm asking about. I grew up where that was at least weekly and sometimes more. Grandparents and Aunts and Cousins all stayed close and in each others lives.

I can't imagine not seeing my local children for weeks at a time, even if it's just for dinner or to catch a movie.

[Anonymous]

I think every child and every family is different. My DC is at college 3000 miles away and will likely land in another major city once they graduate. So weekly get togethers, no. But regular texts and facetime several times a week. And maybe because we as parents give so much freedom, they still love coming home once in a while. We figure we did our job in raising a confident independent young adult, and it's their time to fly. I wouldn't want them to come home or stay near me for my sake!

[Anonymous]

We have wonderful relationships with our three, all married with children. They all live within an hour of us and we see them quite often. It helps that they have always been close friends so there is zero drama. We are both very proud of the children we have raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had them for 18 years, now proudly let them fly and explore the skies. If you gave them love, they'll come back to your perch from time to time.

I understand that. It's the "time to time" i'm asking about. I grew up where that was at least weekly and sometimes more. Grandparents and Aunts and Cousins all stayed close and in each others lives.

I can't imagine not seeing my local children for weeks at a time, even if it's just for dinner or to catch a movie.

Host a weekly dinner, if they want to see you they’ll show up. Same day/time every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think every child and every family is different. My DC is at college 3000 miles away and will likely land in another major city once they graduate. So weekly get togethers, no. But regular texts and facetime several times a week. And maybe because we as parents give so much freedom, they still love coming home once in a while. We figure we did our job in raising a confident independent young adult, and it's their time to fly. I wouldn't want them to come home or stay near me for my sake!

I understand. And I want DC to "fly" but you can have wings and roots. And I'm hoping those roots are strong to keep them close. But obv will not "require" that or be mad if they don't. It is my hope for me, personally, but also for them. There is a benefit to having family nearby. Not nonly relationship-wise, but economics (at times) and help (babysitting).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had them for 18 years, now proudly let them fly and explore the skies. If you gave them love, they'll come back to your perch from time to time.

I understand that. It's the "time to time" i'm asking about. I grew up where that was at least weekly and sometimes more. Grandparents and Aunts and Cousins all stayed close and in each others lives.

I can't imagine not seeing my local children for weeks at a time, even if it's just for dinner or to catch a movie.

As long as there is no pressure to stay local, live nearby and visit regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had them for 18 years, now proudly let them fly and explore the skies. If you gave them love, they'll come back to your perch from time to time.

I understand that. It's the "time to time" i'm asking about. I grew up where that was at least weekly and sometimes more. Grandparents and Aunts and Cousins all stayed close and in each others lives.

I can't imagine not seeing my local children for weeks at a time, even if it's just for dinner or to catch a movie.

As long as there is no pressure to stay local, live nearby and visit regularly.

If I have to “pressure” my kid to see me, then Ive failed as a parent.