Phones and tweens

[Anonymous]

We got our 5th grader an Apple watch this year. It seemed like a nice compromise. She can communicate, it’s not babyish looking and it seems less engaging than a iphone. She almost hyperventilated last night at the thought of probably not having a phone next year in 6th grade. Not many of her friends have a phone right now. One kid has one and leaves it everywhere.

We have some issues to work through, I guess. Any suggestions are welcome. I don’t think a 6th grader should need an iPhone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got our 5th grader an Apple watch this year. It seemed like a nice compromise. She can communicate, it’s not babyish looking and it seems less engaging than a iphone. She almost hyperventilated last night at the thought of probably not having a phone next year in 6th grade. Not many of her friends have a phone right now. One kid has one and leaves it everywhere.

We have some issues to work through, I guess. Any suggestions are welcome. I don’t think a 6th grader should need an iPhone.

Where is she getting this from? Her friends who also don't have phones?

[Anonymous]

There are phones like Troomi (and another popular one I forget!) which are specifically for that age group.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same boat as you last year. One thing I will say is that there was a lot of maturing between April and September for my kid and I did end up getting a phone for them at the start of sixth grade. It hasn't been an issue.

[Anonymous]

Every child is different, so I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. Setting healthy limits and consequences around devices now will help with whatever you ultimately decide to do. In general, our school discourages smartphones until 8th grade, but that is mostly because many students are tempted by social media.

Our daughter is in 6th and kids are all over the map in terms of technology, ie some have flip phones, others have smartphones, some have apple watches and there are kids who have nothing at all. Our daughter still has an apple watch and probably won't be getting any new tech next year, much to her chagrin. She can text and call, which are the functions we need right now, so I don't think she will get a phone next year.

fwiw, our middle school counselor mentioned she has had students come into her office thinking they were in crisis because their parents would not give them phones, so FOMO is real for some kids, especially for the girls at our school as they tend to be much more active on social media than the boys.

You know your child best and so I think you can best decide how much tech you want to give her at this stage of her development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got our 5th grader an Apple watch this year. It seemed like a nice compromise. She can communicate, it’s not babyish looking and it seems less engaging than a iphone. She almost hyperventilated last night at the thought of probably not having a phone next year in 6th grade. Not many of her friends have a phone right now. One kid has one and leaves it everywhere.

We have some issues to work through, I guess. Any suggestions are welcome. I don’t think a 6th grader should need an iPhone.

Where is she getting this from? Her friends who also don't have phones?

I’m not sure exactly. There are a couple of girls at her various extracurricular activities who have phones. Maybe she was just over tired last night… maybe she just hadn’t imagined herself yet as a middle schooler without a phone.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in 5th and we will get her an Apple Watch next year because we want her to have more independence. No phone until 8th or 9th.

[Anonymous]

No phones in middle school. Totally unnecessary, a huge class distraction, and they all use them inappropriately in school.

[Anonymous]

Any parent who gets their child a phone before the age of 13 is an absolutely foolish moron.

[Anonymous]

You kind of started the arms race too early. No apple watch until at least 6th. They just start bothering you for the next thing.

By the end of 6th grade if that is where your middle school starts, almost all of them will have a phone. It's reality that they will miss some socializing if they can't text and face time. (Can't face time on a smart watch.) I think it's very dependent on your kid how big of a deal this really is.

Also, you can give them a phone and lock it down pretty hardcore these days. A lot of parents don't bother to do this. But it's possible. No social media, no internet, the phone turns off at certain times, etc.

[Anonymous]

Mom to an 8th grader and by 8th grade I'd say 80% of kids have a phone. In 6th grade it was closer to 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No phones in middle school. Totally unnecessary, a huge class distraction, and they all use them inappropriately in school.

+1

[Anonymous]

No middle schooler should have a phone.

Certainly not a 6th grader.

[Anonymous]

I have a 6th grader and I would say around half the kids have phones. The other half have apple watches. (A small percentage have neither and I'm sorry to say yes those kids are left out of a lot.) My kid has an apple watch and ipad. It seems to be working quite fine for now and they only occasionally complain about wanting a phone.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grader just got a phone. It’s a pretty locked down Android. He can text us (and his friends) and call us if he needs to. He does not have social media and doesn’t seem to care. He takes Metro to and from one of his extracurriculars and we wanted him to be able to contact us. He’s a very responsible kid and we haven’t had any issues thus far. I expect we will gradually unlock it/allow additional privileges with it as he continues to be responsible.